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Original poster

DH and MIL go ahead without me?

136 replies

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:22

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

OP posts:
Lonelydave · 06/06/2025 20:02

I will add my two penneth worth - it'll be huge brownie points to let them go, it's a new place so might be rubbish, what better way to find out then letting others go and find out ?
Husband will be forever (well a week) paying you back and MIL will be delighted for the 'sacrifice' you've made

yakkity · 06/06/2025 19:59

Disturbia81 · 06/06/2025 19:40

Yes it’s lovely that they’ll get mum and son time. I was always careful in my marriage and relationships to let them have time on their own instead of me being there all the time.

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They can go somewhere some other time. Not to the fancy restaurant that the OP arranged for her DHs birthday

AlphaApple · 06/06/2025 19:58

I think YANBU. He should want to celebrate his birthday with his wife! And his mum should understand that. Are you absolutely sure there’s no one else who can babysit?

yakkity · 06/06/2025 19:57

Zanatdy · 06/06/2025 17:29

Its his bday and his mother. YABU

And the OP is his wife. Just rebook for another night. He’s not a child. He can go on a night that isn’t his actual birthday.

I can’t imagine people thinking this is ok

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/06/2025 19:52

If you enjoy going out for dinner regularly then you need to hire a local babysitter.

It's nice of your Dsis to do it in the past.

Coffeebreakneeds · 06/06/2025 19:50

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

This is what my MIL would do as well!

Is there no-one else you can ask to babysit?

If not, why don't you cancel, cook a nice steak at home for the three of you and book for a few weeks time when you can get a babysitter.

Summertimealready · 06/06/2025 19:49

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:04

And he can arrange to go with his wife another time too.

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I wouldn't dream of leaving my partner at home in these circumstances.

Realy unpleasant bad manners on the part of the Mil and by the H if he is happy to leave his with at home with the children rather than postponing to an another evening.

Vaxtable · 06/06/2025 19:47

I would be upset. You should be celebrating his birthday so why don’t you say hey how about you babysit and we can then do a rare date night

when she doesn’t like that idea you can say well now you know how I feel so why don’t we defer until my parents are back and can babysit

Morningsleepin · 06/06/2025 19:46

SabrinaSt · 06/06/2025 17:43

I wonder what the view would be if the situation were reversed - as in, a woman went out with just her Mum to celebrate her birthday. I don’t think most people would bat an eyelid.

I think it is time we put this at the start of every new thread as every thread has this comment somewhere and frankly it is boring and it is very seldom the same thing

Mayismymonth · 06/06/2025 19:44

I would probably change the meal to the lunchtime and go there, or if your children are very young, all go to somewhere family friendly to celebrate. You can then go there another time.

FuckityFux · 06/06/2025 19:44

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 19:13

When you’re the MIL and your DIL gets pissed off because she begrudges your son going for a meal with you, remember, that was you once

Rubbish! You still want to do nice things for your kids even when they’re grown up.

If you have a good relationship with your adult children and their partners, you treat them almost as if they’re both your kids. You wouldn’t buy a better Christmas present for your son than your DIL would you?

My DIL asked if they could join us on holiday when she discovered where we planned to go and I can’t wait as they’ll bring the grandchildren with them too. (Nope, they don’t need us to pay for them as they’re both earning good money.)

I definitely wouldn’t consider going away with just my son and leave DIL at home. That’s ridiculous. 🤨

Bloodylovecheese · 06/06/2025 19:40

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

This! I'd be annoyed if wasn't going with my DH on his birthday too.
Or I'd expect the restaurant to be rearranged on a date we could all go

Disturbia81 · 06/06/2025 19:40

TheNightSurgeon · 06/06/2025 17:35

I would probably have offered to babysit instead, but I do think it's quite sweet that he and his mum are having a birthday meal together. I wouldn't say anything.

Yes it’s lovely that they’ll get mum and son time. I was always careful in my marriage and relationships to let them have time on their own instead of me being there all the time.

DolefullySingingMotherfucka · 06/06/2025 19:37

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:43

No other potential babysitters as my parents are on holiday. She is our childcare one day a week and she does help us out with childcare on evenings on occasions that we have meals etc so now I’m thinking I am being a bit out of order thinking it

That's huge. I'd do all you possibly can to keep her happy if I were you.

TangerinePlate · 06/06/2025 19:35

OP it’s a bit tricky with all your updates.

Shame that your sister can’t babysit but for a very good reason.

Seeing as MIL does a lot for you let her go with DH as it’s his birthday

I can understand your disappointment as you were looking forward to trying this new place and now it feels like your being sidelined.

I’d reschedule a celebratory meal with DH when you’d be able to go.

KarmenPQZ · 06/06/2025 19:35

It’s your husbands birthday. And your MILs paying. So you’re the obvious one to sit out if all 3 of you can’t go.

ideally MIL would have offered to babysit but it sounds like she already does child care for you so I can see why she might not.

sorry it’s not panned out as you wanted but I do t think MIL or your DH are in the wrong.

Pebbles16 · 06/06/2025 19:34

harriethoyle · 06/06/2025 19:30

Oooof @oliviad1986 - you DEFINITELY deserve a child free steak dinner in light of this! If you’re in Yorkshire, I’LL babysit for you! 🤣

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And if you are in SW London, I would be there for you

FuckityFux · 06/06/2025 19:34

Your MIL (and DH) is out of order.

If this was my family, I’d definitely offer to babysit so son and wife could enjoy his birthday meal together.

Pebbles16 · 06/06/2025 19:33

Personally I find this a bit off.
Appreciate that "couple time" is hard to find

Capybara6473 · 06/06/2025 19:31

I think it’s really weird if her not to offer to babysit. It’s like she’s assuming your DH would rather spend the evening with her rather than you, his wife.

harriethoyle · 06/06/2025 19:30

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 18:27

thanks for all replies, good to hear different perspectives. We have 2 year old twins and a 6 month old so I definitely would not want to take them to a fancy steak place at 7.30. They would be carnage!

Oooof @oliviad1986 - you DEFINITELY deserve a child free steak dinner in light of this! If you’re in Yorkshire, I’LL babysit for you! 🤣

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/06/2025 19:28

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

Exactly what I would do too, @Kissedbyfire1.

TheCurious0range · 06/06/2025 19:27

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

Both my mum and MIL would do this, a child free evening out as a couple is the birthday treat, he can go out with his mum anytime because the OP will be around to watch the DC

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 19:24

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 19:13

When you’re the MIL and your DIL gets pissed off because she begrudges your son going for a meal with you, remember, that was you once

Yep. It honestly baffles me that people would get upset about this.

Ophy83 · 06/06/2025 19:24

I would suggest you postpone the restaurant until your sister is available and have a night in - maybe cook something lovely or get a takeaway. It doesn't seem fair for anyone to miss out on the treat

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