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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and MIL go ahead without me?

136 replies

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:22

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

OP posts:
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crumblingschools · 07/06/2025 09:54

@Whaleandsnail6 OP has confirmed that they don’t get out much together since baby was born, so actually going somewhere special would be nice if could go with spouse

Original poster
oliviad1986 · 07/06/2025 09:40

Thanks everyone. Just to be clear I didn’t want to go alone with DH as we would all enjoy this place. DH suggested we go again next month when my parents can babysit.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 07/06/2025 09:38

tigerlily9 · 06/06/2025 22:50

And they invited the mum! If I was invited to a meal and the hosts babysitter bailed, I’d be pretty pissed if they expected me to babysit so they could go to the meal themselves. 🙄

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And the mil was planning on paying for the meal as a birthday treat. Once she was invited, she decided to make it into a gift to him.

If they had never have invited mil, and the babysitter cancelled, I would suggest to my oh on his birthday that he go out with someone else while I stay with the kids and us go out another time. I know they could get takeaway but going out for a meal feels more special for the birthday and unlike a lot of people on this thread, I dont think that person has to be the spouse.

Autumn38 · 07/06/2025 08:17

Yeah my DM (and MIL) would have babysat so we could go out. It’s weird she didn’t suggest that

Daffydoll · 07/06/2025 06:32

If you still expect MIL to pay as her treat then it’s ok for her to choose to go as her present to her son. If you or DH paying then you two go.

Floranan · 06/06/2025 23:34

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

I was just going to say the same

NoSoupForU · 06/06/2025 23:31

I think either my mum or my husband's mum would offer to babysit so we could go out (if we had kids), and if I were joining a couple to celebrate one of their birthdays and their babysitter fell through I'd offer to babysit for them. Your primary celebration as an adult in a committed relationship is surely with your partner, not your parent?!

That said, I wouldn't take issue with my husband choosing to still go for dinner with his mum either, I'd just book to go again.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 06/06/2025 23:02

I can't stand my Dh but neither of us would leave the other one at home on our birthdays. Make sure that you return the favour on your own birthday.

Masmavi · 06/06/2025 22:54

The more appropriate thing to me would be MIL looking after your child/children and you and your husband going out for his birthday. I find it very odd that they would celebrate together rather than you two as a couple.

tigerlily9 · 06/06/2025 22:50

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/06/2025 18:06

Me too...I really cant see why some people would have an issue with this

Especially since op admits her sister will babysit another time, and mil also babysits so would likely facilitate them going out another time.

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And they invited the mum! If I was invited to a meal and the hosts babysitter bailed, I’d be pretty pissed if they expected me to babysit so they could go to the meal themselves. 🙄

CloudPop · 06/06/2025 22:39

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

Same

ThePoshUns · 06/06/2025 22:11

If I was the MIL, I’d offer to babysit and send you two out to celebrate.

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 22:04

Genevieva · 06/06/2025 21:30

No. She could offer to babysit instead or delay the treat for when babysitting is available.

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Or not be so dramatic over a dinner and just go out with her son for a couple of hours

hedgerunner · 06/06/2025 21:54

I think it’s weird. You suggested the place then your mil said it was her treat.
all the Mil’s I know would offer to babysit as then your dh could go out with his mum the next day.

Allthepictureframes · 06/06/2025 21:32

My DH would not go out with his mother for his birthday without me. He would want me to be there. I wouldn’t want to celebrate my birthday without him either.

Genevieva · 06/06/2025 21:30

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 21:29

And pay?

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No. She could offer to babysit instead or delay the treat for when babysitting is available.

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 21:29

Genevieva · 06/06/2025 21:10

MiL should offer to babysit.

And pay?

Cucy · 06/06/2025 21:12

AlphaApple · 06/06/2025 19:58

I think YANBU. He should want to celebrate his birthday with his wife! And his mum should understand that. Are you absolutely sure there’s no one else who can babysit?

Why should he want to celebrate his birthday with his wife (who he lives with) more than his mum, kids, friends etc?

You might as well say he should want to celebrate it with his kids and not leave them at home.

He can celebrate with OP on a different night.

His birthday should be about him and no one else and if he wants to go for a meal with his mum then that’s his choice.

I know loads of people who go out with friends on their birthday instead of partners and their DHs are fine with it because they can celebrate any other day.

Genevieva · 06/06/2025 21:10

MiL should offer to babysit.

Tourmalines · 06/06/2025 21:08

Daisy12Maisie · 06/06/2025 18:44

I think that is fine especially as she helps with childcare at other times and babysits so you can go out for the occasional meal. As she is paying for this one at least it doesn’t come out of the family budget so hopefully you and dh can go out for a meal in a week or so and ask her to babysit. Then you can pay for that meal for a belated birthday treat.
You can go out with him another night whereas I doubt he would make plans to go out for dinner with his mum another night.
Get yourself a nice meal in though. For example your own steak or a fancy ready meal/ dine in meal from m and s or Waitrose.

I think you are being completely reasonable to feel a bit upset but I also think it’s quite sad if she can’t go out for a meal with her son but it’s fine for her to babysit and do childcare. This would be a nice little treat as she does help out as well.

Yep .

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 20:51

FuckityFux · 06/06/2025 19:44

Rubbish! You still want to do nice things for your kids even when they’re grown up.

If you have a good relationship with your adult children and their partners, you treat them almost as if they’re both your kids. You wouldn’t buy a better Christmas present for your son than your DIL would you?

My DIL asked if they could join us on holiday when she discovered where we planned to go and I can’t wait as they’ll bring the grandchildren with them too. (Nope, they don’t need us to pay for them as they’re both earning good money.)

I definitely wouldn’t consider going away with just my son and leave DIL at home. That’s ridiculous. 🤨

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They’re going for a meal not to the fucking Maldives 😂

Diarygirlqueen · 06/06/2025 20:51

I actually dread when my 2 boys grow up and meet their partner.

Radra · 06/06/2025 20:50

Morningsleepin · 06/06/2025 19:46

I think it is time we put this at the start of every new thread as every thread has this comment somewhere and frankly it is boring and it is very seldom the same thing

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It can get repetitive true but it is blatantly true in this situation that a man posting to say:

It's my wife's birthday, we planned a meal out with my MIL, our babysitter cancelled so my MIL has suggested she and my wife go out alone would absolutely not get lots of responses suggesting that it was weird for his wife to want to spend time with her mum.

I also don't think there would be lots of comments along the lines of "she should understand her daughter is married now so her husband should come first"

TheMeasure · 06/06/2025 20:30

If he's spending his birthday meal out with his mum, is he also planning on sharing his birthday shag with her too?
Thought not.
He needs to sort his priorities out.

1543click · 06/06/2025 20:19

She gave birth to him. Gives her a few rights I reckon.

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