Page 5 | Friend’s feral teenage son

Pollqueen · 06/06/2025 20:50

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 06/06/2025 17:00

This isn’t normal
brhaviour for a teenage boy.

It sounds like ASD or ADHD.

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:47

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2025 19:20

I think the reason people are suggesting ND is due to the last sentence of the ops post…

’I keep saying he needs consequences but she just says there’s no point, it never makes any difference. I’m so frustrated with her!’

as it’s likely, if he is ND, that the friend is correct and consequences will make no difference so as advice, thats quite irritating. You can’t parent a ND the same, easy!, way you can parent a NT child, the approach has to be totally different.

So how do you suggest she parents him? I’m just suggesting she stops the lifts and money and bending over backwards for him if he can’t show her the tiniest bit of respect. Surely even a ND child would understand that?

OP posts:

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:45

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:14

Agree. And consequences dont work with kids like this, I know from painful experience. He sounds unhappy, unheard, angry and lost

Show quote history

She has told him over and over again how much she loves him and cares about him. She does literally everything for him. If consequences (like not giving lifts and money every time he asks) don’t work for kids like this, what the hell does she do?

OP posts:

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:43

downbadd · 06/06/2025 18:38

My ex boyfriend’s 2 brothers were like this. They were un medicated diagnosed ADHD. I lived in the house for 2 years and their mother thought the light shined out of their arse but they were awful boys. Aside from the adhd they was insufferable and rude. One tried to kill his dad once with a knife and slit his arm open where he tried to protect himself, one had his (ex) gf up against a wall by the throat once and when I ran to get him off he grabbed me and locked me outside. He stole my (ex) boyfriends car in the middle of the night and took it on a joy ride.. their mother looks 20 years older than she is because of the stress and she has a daughter who’s now 18 who’s the same. She doesn’t want to medicate them. Not sure what they’re up to now as been split up for 3 years altho I see one of the brothers working with his dad (building business) which is nice!

I have a sister with adhd and autism (medicated) so I know what’s it’s like but this behaviour is completely unacceptable

Their is no medication for autism

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:41

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:21

Maybe the dad is part of the problem. He was with my son, that’s why I got him well away and safe. A dad who in front of him tried to kill me, said his son was a freak he never wanted, his girlfriend was a dirty slag. That I had to get him away. That he wished him dead. This thread is disturbing

Show quote history

I’m sorry you had to go through that 😞
The dad in this case is not abusive, I know him well and he’s every bit as passive as her, if not worse.

OP posts:

EggnogNoggin · 06/06/2025 20:39

sheknowsitstoolate · 06/06/2025 19:57

Fuck it, @EggnogNogginsays there’s no point so let’s just wait until he’s a murderer.

Show quote history

What's someone who hasn't parented for 15 years going to do about now? And why?

The mum isn't even the one asking for advice because she herself thinks there's no point. Does she sound motivated to you?

He's 15, the damage is done and parents have already failed him.

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:38

People should also realise the impact on parents this insistence that if only they would try harder it would all be resolved. I have 2 NT sons who have never had as much as behaviour point deduction at school, I know how to parent

I’m in EMDR intense therapy now to try and cope with the trauma I suffered through the experience with DS1, the hatred, ostracism, belittling, the judgment and cruelty. The behaviour towards my son. If anyone actually lived my experience you would judge less

DryerEye · 06/06/2025 20:32

Sounds more like anti social behaviour personality disorder than ADHD.

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:29

DublinLaLaLa · 06/06/2025 19:03

I agree with the first sentence. Is isn’t normal.
However, it isn’t ASD or ADHD either!

Show quote history

@DublinLaLaLahow do you know. Have you lived this, I have. Thankfully I fought to get my son all the help he needed, I am sure otherwise he would be in prison or dead. No it isn’t ’normal’ but it isn’t necessarily resolved by some boundaries and a slap. You really have no idea
my sons behaviour was very much part of DIAGNOSED ASD. When you have your child hanging from a rope at 15 because they hate their own behaviour come back and tell me it isn’t asd. I am so proud of the man he is now

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:25

FruityCider · 06/06/2025 19:09

Sorry, violent behaviour = ADHD?! For fucks sake. I think the problem with automatically trying to stick an acronym on everything is that A. Noone here can actually diagnose him, and B. Boones actually offering any help, just useless labels?

How does your friend feel? Is she actively frightened of him? I don't know how much you can help unless she's willing, but keep reinforcing to her that if he is violent she is entitled to call the police. Has she made any steps towards CAHMS referrals or the community mental health team?

Yes, she is scared of him. She said that’s why she doesn’t tell him to turn his music down, even when it’s thumping through the walls at 2am, or make him go to school - because she usually gets shoved against a wall or worse.
She has tried CAHMS. They worked with him for a while but nothing really changed. She won’t call the police. She called them once and he fell to the floor in tears and pretended to have a panic attack, then as soon as she cancelled them coming, stood back up and told her never to pull that shit again. He’s honestly chilling.

OP posts:

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:21

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/06/2025 19:34

Dad needs to give him a slap

Maybe the dad is part of the problem. He was with my son, that’s why I got him well away and safe. A dad who in front of him tried to kill me, said his son was a freak he never wanted, his girlfriend was a dirty slag. That I had to get him away. That he wished him dead. This thread is disturbing

Kibble19 · 06/06/2025 20:21

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:16

I didn’t say I was mad at her. I said I was frustrated, because she doesn’t stand up to him and won’t call the police. She is such a caring amd lovely person I’m genuinely scared for her and any females he comes across in future. He talks about women like dirt. His dad says they should just ignore it and leave him in peace. When my friend tries to deal with it, he threatens to ‘shank’ her. His school attendance is shocking and all attempts at school interventions have failed.

Show quote history

He’s got a big mouth with the talk of shanking his mum. What a hard man.

That’s a term used in prison (because it’s done with a makeshift weapon like a razor stuck into the end of a melted toothbrush) and he’s definitely heading there.

The dad wants to take a long, hard look at himself. Sitting passively while his wife is literally chased with a knife? Beyond pathetic.

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:18

downbadd · 06/06/2025 18:38

My ex boyfriend’s 2 brothers were like this. They were un medicated diagnosed ADHD. I lived in the house for 2 years and their mother thought the light shined out of their arse but they were awful boys. Aside from the adhd they was insufferable and rude. One tried to kill his dad once with a knife and slit his arm open where he tried to protect himself, one had his (ex) gf up against a wall by the throat once and when I ran to get him off he grabbed me and locked me outside. He stole my (ex) boyfriends car in the middle of the night and took it on a joy ride.. their mother looks 20 years older than she is because of the stress and she has a daughter who’s now 18 who’s the same. She doesn’t want to medicate them. Not sure what they’re up to now as been split up for 3 years altho I see one of the brothers working with his dad (building business) which is nice!

I have a sister with adhd and autism (medicated) so I know what’s it’s like but this behaviour is completely unacceptable

That’s awful, and exactly the kind of future behaviour I’m worried about 🥺

OP posts:

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:18

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2025 19:01

I don’t understand why people get upset with the ND suggestion.
that’s all it is, a suggestion, and perfectly plausible here given the fact the op has detailed that he doesn’t respond to consequences. children with either ODD or PDA (highly linked to ND) don’t.
another, entirely plausible suggestion is that the lack of parenting has resulted in this.
it’s one or the other, but I really don’t understand why no one is allowed to suggest ND.
i will qualify this by saying I have one NT child who is so so easy to parent, I ask her to do something, she does it, I give her consequences she doesn’t do it again. And I have one ND child who is not easy, if I asked her to do something she wouldn’t do it, and if I gave her consequences, she couldn’t care less. There would be no value in my doing either of those things.

Exactly, how dare they question my lived experience. My son was very like this, is now a wonderful successful happy young man. He got the support and help he needed, people have no idea

Original poster

Vanishedwillow · 06/06/2025 20:16

feelingbleh · 06/06/2025 18:14

Why are you mad at her i don't think this level of behaviour has anything to do with parenting, something else is going on she needs to go to her GP and they will be able to help them both

Edited

I didn’t say I was mad at her. I said I was frustrated, because she doesn’t stand up to him and won’t call the police. She is such a caring amd lovely person I’m genuinely scared for her and any females he comes across in future. He talks about women like dirt. His dad says they should just ignore it and leave him in peace. When my friend tries to deal with it, he threatens to ‘shank’ her. His school attendance is shocking and all attempts at school interventions have failed.

OP posts:

bittertwisted · 06/06/2025 20:14

feelingbleh · 06/06/2025 18:14

Why are you mad at her i don't think this level of behaviour has anything to do with parenting, something else is going on she needs to go to her GP and they will be able to help them both

Edited

Agree. And consequences dont work with kids like this, I know from painful experience. He sounds unhappy, unheard, angry and lost

sheknowsitstoolate · 06/06/2025 19:57

EggnogNoggin · 06/06/2025 19:09

There isn't really any point at this stage.

Fuck it, @EggnogNogginsays there’s no point so let’s just wait until he’s a murderer.

petermaddog · 06/06/2025 19:56

tired of excuses for bad behavior/niece is a counselor
5-20yrs she is so tired of nasty little entited +hits
one walked in the room and hit her hes in kiddiie for 3 month
good thing her husband was not there ?????

LookingAtMyBhunas · 06/06/2025 19:54

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/06/2025 19:34

Dad needs to give him a slap

Oh yeah that'll help ffs.
Let's show him violence is wrong by being violent. 🙄

OP, when he's 16 this will be classed as domestic abuse.

You can call the police but without the support of the victim it'll be hard.

Has she ever called them before?

He sounds unhinged.

TheSilentSister · 06/06/2025 19:48

Sounds like there is a lot going on for the kid to behave like that. If he's 15 then surely anything not NT would have flagged up by now.
Sounds like he needs to be referred to his Dr for some onward referral for help.
Maybe the parents are scared, of him and of what the future holds.

S0j0urn4r · 06/06/2025 19:42

Kibble19 · 06/06/2025 18:18

You can lead a horse to water, OP.

Until she stands up and acts like a parent (which will probably involve calling the police on her delinquent), she’ll go through this. You’re right, he might kill one day. Who knows.

As usual it’s being assumed it’s because of autism or ADHD. I do wonder if these instant assumptions on MN offend people with those conditions who aren’t violent, nasty bastards.

Yes, they do.

Funkytuna · 06/06/2025 19:41

I would encourage her to get him some sort of psychiatric evaluation, pronto.

Zebedee999 · 06/06/2025 19:37

Espressosummer · 06/06/2025 18:33

Or he's just a nasty little shit who was raised by weak, useless parents who never said no.
Do you always excuse male violence with a diagnosis?

Show quote history

Spot on. Always someone wanting to excuse male violence.

Ablondiebutagoody · 06/06/2025 19:34

Dad needs to give him a slap

dontgiveafuck · 06/06/2025 19:32

Not everything is SEN.
This sounds to me like the parents went to far with gentle parenting.