Friend’s feral teenage son

It really pisses me off. My teenage son has both ASD and ADHD and while he’s not perfectly behaved all of the time he isn’t a violent person. He certainly doesn’t say vile things to people and chase them with knives! I’m not saying it’s not possible for someone to behave like that and be on the spectrum but imo and experience it’s not because they are ND.

It must be hard OP to see someone you care about go through this but also put up with it. But there is really nothing you can do except maybe take a step back if you’re struggling with this situation.

I was a secondary school teacher for 25 years. I met thousands of teenage boys. It’s not normal behaviour for them.

Whats being a medical lead consultant got to do with anything?

Just stop with the Dr Google bog standard excuse for everyone with truly disgraceful, rude, abusive, and deviant behaviour.
Did you ever consider that it could be down to sloppy, can’t be bothered soft parenting?
Im a medical lead consultant, guess what? I won’t put up with this shitty attention seeking behaviour anymore. If it’s on the patient records that’s one thing, but if you seriously think I’m going to listen to a parent tell me their little Sid Vicious has ADHD in their opinion. After he’s just spat in my face off the fuck they can go, and off my list as well.

I don't believe in armchair diagnosis but I do believe in getting people help. Those saying he couldn't possibly have X or Y diagnosis because it doesn't match their experience are just as bad as those suggesting he does have X or Y. Only a few days ago a colleague told me of a boy she knows who tried to rape his mother, he has the same diagnosis as my gentle loving boy. I didn't dismiss the diagnosis, of course it's possible they both have this in common, people are vastly different even with common diagnoses.

Whatever he has whether its MH ND or just nasty behaviour, he needs professional help asap, in the form of psychological support or medication if necessary. I really hope they intervene strongly and sort this out before someone gets hurt.

Um with knives?

No l can’t. There were some who were violent after leaving, but l don’t recall anyone getting excluded for attacking someone with a knife. If they had a knife but didn’t use it they were also excluded.

I think there was one boy. Who wasn’t ADHD. He was a strange lad though.

Having a child with autism doesn't make you psychic. You have no idea if this kid is NT or not.

Your assessment of the kid sounding 'lost and unheard' or however you put it it ridiculous.

He sounds psychotic and like he needs locking up, not fluffy hugs.

Doesn’t matter if it was to parents, can you think of any children being violent to that extreme?

She failed him. They both did. I couldn’t be friends with someone as useless a parent as this. It’s probably too late he’s 15yo. I would make it clear that you will never be in his presence.

Not to parents no.

Can you think of any children without ASD or ADHD who were violent?

I was a secondary school teacher for 25 years. I can think of at least 4 boys with diagnosed ADHD who were violent at home. Their parents were desperate.

Why is ND so prevalent amongst the prison population? I believe a majority of prisoners are ND. How does that link up?

Yes - I find it incredibly offensive that every time someone is described as being an antisocial arsehole, somebody immediately says it’s because of autism.
The two are not at all the same thing.

ND can be diagnosed at any age. Sociopathy etc can not be diagnosed in a child, even when it is suspected.

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE MAD

As I have a child with autism I would suggest you are the person coming out with shit

It doesn't always follow that dangerous or sociopathic people are not loved. Some people are just bad and no love or boundaries can change it. Hopefully this isnt the case here, maybe its a cry for help from a very disturbed boy who will get professional help asap and turn out OK full of remorse.

He sounds unhappy, unheard, angry and lost

Honestly, the shit people come out with.

He sounds like a manipulative psycho that needs locking up.

Yes, yes it does. I actually paused the programme we’re watching to read out the first comment to my other half (because impulsively being unable to hold my annoyance in when it hits IS actually an ADHD trait, not running around a house chasing your parent with a bleeding knife).

Now, there will be people who have grown up with the trauma/lack of boundaries/addiction issues that might exacerbate some of the traits. But that doesn’t mean the neurological condition is the reason for that behaviour or even that aggressive behaviour should ever come with a ‘sounds like ADHD’ insta-response.

Mine was diagnosed with autism at 3. I believe the PP was talking about psychopathy/sociopathy not being diagnosed until 18.

My son was diagnosed with autism at 7
officially
gave him access to a resourced provision and a full time 1-1

DC1 ASD. DC2 ADHD. Both wonderfully behaved people, kind caring etc…. Absolutely top drawer.

Just because a child is misbehaving does not mean they are ND and actually i would argue reasonably strongly that it means the opposite. ND children, who have been given the tools to help them, tend to be better behaved than NT in my experience.

However this lad clearly needs help. He sounds like he doesn’t know when to stop or where the edge of acceptable is because he has never been taught. (And this is probably really scary for him)

Yea it offends me. I really enjoyed watching my son screaming as he ran round school banging his head against the walls, unable to recognise me. The trauma for his brothers. Him having to travel to school in a taxi. It is very offensive to suggest none if it would have happened if I was a better parent. There can be shit parents of ND children too, it doesn’t change the fact that child doesn’t see the world the same way
and consequences mean jack shit when they are screaming lying on the grass of a football pitch because the team didn’t play the way they expected them to
it is horrendous

Exactly this!

If he’s threatening her with a knife and physically attacking her, that’s domestic violence—plain and simple. Boundaries would’ve helped earlier, but now it’s about safety. She needs to involve professionals—social services, law enforcement, mental health intervention