OP, your H is an arrogant idiot and a terrible father. He also has misogynist views and doesn't respect you, otherwise he'd have listened to YOU, instead of forcing you to come to MN. I suggest you read this article by Zawn Villines, it is highly pertinent. Here are some snippets:
"We just have different parenting styles!" How men escape accountability for bad parenting
It’s the tool everyone weaponizes against mothers who have researched extensively to be the best possible parents they can—a weapon that instantaneously lets men off the hook, and casts blame at the feet of every mother who thinks parenting should involve more than merely reacting.
“We just have different parenting styles!”
Therapists weaponize it, too, telling mothers that they need to be on the same page with their co-parent, and suggesting that it’s somehow the mother’s responsibility to ensure this happens. At school and in extracurricular activities, educators weaponize parenting disagreements to paint mothers as hovering, anxious and incompetent, even as their foolish coparents bungle everything (in the rare event they even bother to show up).
If you’ve heard this bullshit one too many times, you’re not alone. Hundreds of readers have asked me to address this. Most of them tell me about the hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of hours they’ve spent researcher parenting, only to hear from their co-parent that this research doesn’t matter, because he has a different “opinion” (read: uninformed emotionally reactive view of parenting).
In my recent parenting survey, a striking trend emerged: Women spent exponentially more time researching parenting, partnering with experts, questioning their own behavior, pushing back on generational trauma, and more than their male partners. Women put in more effort, and spent more time with their kids—all the necessary ingredients for becoming true parenting experts.
Their male partners parent by emotion only, doing whatever feels right to them in the moment. And then, when women push back against them, they insist that the problem is “different standards.”
The hidden cultural assumptions about parenting
Patriarchy loves to pretend that parenting is easy. Because if parenting requires no special skill, then mothers are not worthy of veneration, and we can continue to treat them like they’re stupid. If parenting is easy, there’s no reason to invest in social structures that make parenting easier, nor any value in mothers’ unique contributions to the world. ...
Mothering—even mediocre mothering—is an incredibly demanding task requiring immense skill, patience, time, and resources.
But it’s in men’s interests to pretend it’s not. Because as long as men are able to convince themselves that motherhood is not skilled labor, and that mothers make no significant sacrifices to learn how to parent better, they don’t have to acknowledge the ways in which they exploit their partners. And they certainly don’t have to consider that they should step up and do some fucking work, too.
Therapists, pediatricians, and other experts fall into this trap, too. Even though they know that parenting is hard work, patriarchy works hard, too. And it’s convinced a lot of experts that what really matters is that parents are on the same page. They intuitively understand that parents should be putting in equal work. But rather than demanding equity from men, they instead pretend that things are equal, and treat both partners’ opinions as equally valid. ...
It’s not socially acceptable to announce, “Actually, I think you should do all of the hard parenting labor, and I shouldn’t have to do anything I don’t want to. I also think moms are kind of dumb, experts know nothing, and that every fleeting emotional impulse I have is unassailable, and I therefore believe I should parent however I goddamn well please, consequences be damned, without ever facing any pushback.”
But that’s what most sexist men actually believe.
So instead, they reduce the above nonsense to something much more palatable: Our standards are different! Where he has no standards, and she has done all the work to establish reasonable standards that he’ll undermine for the rest of their kids’ lives.
https://zawn.substack.com/p/we-just-have-different-parenting?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
OP, your H should be deeply GRATEFUL that you are such a good and attentive parent and that you fought for your daughter's wellbeing against his arrant sexist stupidity.