To ask if anyone does this or knows why I do? It’s destroying my life

I can relate especially to the holiday thing, a couple of days before I get so anxious about it, because I don’t know what to expect, whether I will be OK and be able to relax, if I’ve forgotten something vital, that Il catch a bug before we go or during and yes leaving the house! It’s almost like more stress to go on holiday than just stay at home. The way I overcome this is to over prepare and that takes so much time and adds to my stress.

I feel the same about Christmas and birthdays too.

I can’t relate to this but it sounds horrendous. I think my mum may have been similar, I remember her as being negative and stressed in the run up to anything. Horrible to be around as a child.

It’s great that you recognise it, but get psychological help before it takes over.

Therapy will also be helpful in unpacking that relationship with your parents and how their behaviour reinforced your anxiety. You are doing a good and brave thing to break this chain now for you and your child.

When a child has anxiety, and then is blamed by their parents for it in some way being intentional, I wonder if they then reinforces the anxiety.

As an adult, do you feel at fault for your anxiety? And if so, does that then come with guilt or shame? Because I wonder if the anxiety you experience now is somehow linked to that?

I have anxiety, and now I worry that I will feel anxious in certain situations, which of course then makes the anxiety worse.

I think you need medical support, OP. It sounds like you've been dealing with this for decades and that it's really impacting your quality of life. Have you ever talked about it with a GP or someone?