Page 7 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 18:01

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:36

I honestly don’t know. I’ve never asked him.

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It's this sort of thing, 5 yrs and you don't know how his family interact or how he feels about it

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 17:57

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 17:37

It's not the not walking a traditional path for me, my husband and I were together a decade before we got married.

It's not the living apart, I know a few people for whom that works brilliantly

It's the 'ive never directly asked him' when asked what he wants from the future, it's the lack of seeming intimacy. Do you sleep together? Are you intimate? Or is it like you go for nights out or on dates weekly? Because I don't see how that is a committed relationship?

It would be different too if you were saying 'wr know each other inside out, we talk about everything we're there for each other emotionally' but you seem to very much NOT be saying that. I can't quite understand what does make it a relationship? If it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual... What are you to one another exactly? I feel like I'm missing something altogether

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If it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual... What are you to one another exactly?

Have you read any of my posts?

Why have you just invented this?

OP posts:

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 17:37

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:39

You misunderstand me. The posters who have whipped themselves into a frenzy about a stranger’s decision not to walk a traditional path have been amusing.

Edited

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It's not the not walking a traditional path for me, my husband and I were together a decade before we got married.

It's not the living apart, I know a few people for whom that works brilliantly

It's the 'ive never directly asked him' when asked what he wants from the future, it's the lack of seeming intimacy. Do you sleep together? Are you intimate? Or is it like you go for nights out or on dates weekly? Because I don't see how that is a committed relationship?

It would be different too if you were saying 'wr know each other inside out, we talk about everything we're there for each other emotionally' but you seem to very much NOT be saying that. I can't quite understand what does make it a relationship? If it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual... What are you to one another exactly? I feel like I'm missing something altogether

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 17:14

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:55

Would love to carry on our chatting Op 😊

but I’ve got to clean the wretched bow 😢

Yes, probably best you have a lie down. You can ponder further why you’re so unhappy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 17:13

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:54

Your friend found it “mind blowing”!

Are you just recapping the thread? Had a bit of wine with dinner?

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 17:12

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:52

I don’t think you’ll ever be called upon to have the decision anyway so don’t need to give it any thought anyway !

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I think you’ve told me this 10 times now. I continue to agree, but you seem determined to keep repeating it.

OP posts:

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:55

Would love to carry on our chatting Op 😊

but I’ve got to clean the wretched bow 😢

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:54

Your friend found it “mind blowing”!

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:53

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:39

You misunderstand me. The posters who have whipped themselves into a frenzy about a stranger’s decision not to walk a traditional path have been amusing.

Edited

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No one has
you asked if strange
some have said “hell yeah” when they have heard more detail

one for hyperbole in Rl? “Whipped in to a frenzy” 😆

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:52

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:37

Okay 😂 Well thanks for that unsolicited advice. I will certainly bear in mind what Productiveweek from Mumsnet thinks if ever it comes to making a decision.

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I don’t think you’ll ever be called upon to have the decision anyway so don’t need to give it any thought anyway !

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:39

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:31

Quite a few of us have found this thread and the picture that has emerged as “very strange”.

amusing? No. Curious

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You misunderstand me. The posters who have whipped themselves into a frenzy about a stranger’s decision not to walk a traditional path have been amusing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:37

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:30

I think if after more than 5 years together it would only be a “maybe” even if perfect house came along….. best to just stick with the status quo of being being very happy

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Okay 😂 Well thanks for that unsolicited advice. I will certainly bear in mind what Productiveweek from Mumsnet thinks if ever it comes to making a decision.

OP posts:

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:34

JHound · 15/06/2025 16:32

Why do you think couples need to live together?

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Did you read my post?

I said that if it was only ever a “maybe” if perfect house came along with the two reception rooms, sound proofing etc, then stay with the status quo of being “very happy” and living separately

and you interpreted this as me saying a couple need to live together? 😕

JHound · 15/06/2025 16:32

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:30

I think if after more than 5 years together it would only be a “maybe” even if perfect house came along….. best to just stick with the status quo of being being very happy

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Why do you think couples need to live together?

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:31

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:17

It was just about that. But weirdos have derailed it by insisting on knowing whether we sleep together/holiday together/socialise/will marry/talk about kids etc etc etc. And then when answers have not fit with their idea of what they like in a relationship, have insisted it isn’t one.

It was been very strange and mildly amusing.

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Quite a few of us have found this thread and the picture that has emerged as “very strange”.

amusing? No. Curious

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 16:30

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:15

so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

Yes, that’s right. What’s the issue? Why does it bother you?

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I think if after more than 5 years together it would only be a “maybe” even if perfect house came along….. best to just stick with the status quo of being being very happy

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:17

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:39

Absolutely nothing.

I was just pointing out the thread wasn’t just about not caring about the words I love you and nor him to op. Because many people have said they too don’t care, but it has been said at least once in the past

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It was just about that. But weirdos have derailed it by insisting on knowing whether we sleep together/holiday together/socialise/will marry/talk about kids etc etc etc. And then when answers have not fit with their idea of what they like in a relationship, have insisted it isn’t one.

It was been very strange and mildly amusing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 16:15

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:38

You were asked *Would you want to live with him op?*and you responded
Probably not. I like having my own space and I’m used to it. Maybe if we bought somewhere where we could each have a living room.

so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

two reception houses… lots about? And given you both have a house each, combine budget and shouldn’t be like looking for a ruby in the dust. But I suppose looking for it would require a real motivation to make the change from both being “very happy” with the status wuo, so makes zero sense anyway!

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so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

Yes, that’s right. What’s the issue? Why does it bother you?

OP posts:

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:40

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:32

Their relationship seems perfectly committed to me.

To suggest somebody has a psychiatric evaluation because their relationship does not look how you think it should look is peak MN.

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It was an appalling post

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:39

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:36

And?

What on earth is wrong with not wanting to marry or live with somebody full time?

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Absolutely nothing.

I was just pointing out the thread wasn’t just about not caring about the words I love you and nor him to op. Because many people have said they too don’t care, but it has been said at least once in the past

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:39

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 06:57

“I don’t care”
”I’m not really bothered”

Should be inscribed on your headstone.

I can understand feeling that way about whether or not you have a starter or straight to main course, but to not be bothered or don’t care whether or not your partner of 5 years has ever said I love you before asking you to marry? About whether or not you ever live with your partner? About whether or not you ever marry your partner? Is curious

Edited

Why is it curious? Some people don’t care about marriage and prefer not to have somebody not their living space 24/7

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:38

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 15:27

I do care about living with him. I care very much that it would be to the detriment of how I currently live.

No, I don’t care about getting married. What would it materially change for me? Other than having a party which I would enjoy.

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You were asked *Would you want to live with him op?*and you responded
Probably not. I like having my own space and I’m used to it. Maybe if we bought somewhere where we could each have a living room.

so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

two reception houses… lots about? And given you both have a house each, combine budget and shouldn’t be like looking for a ruby in the dust. But I suppose looking for it would require a real motivation to make the change from both being “very happy” with the status wuo, so makes zero sense anyway!

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:36

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:02

It transpires you also “don’t care” or “not bothered” about living together or getting married to him so it’s more than just about hearing the words I love you

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And?

What on earth is wrong with not wanting to marry or live with somebody full time?

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:35

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 15:27

I do care about living with him. I care very much that it would be to the detriment of how I currently live.

No, I don’t care about getting married. What would it materially change for me? Other than having a party which I would enjoy.

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Ignore them. People here are closeminded. Because they would not want to live separate from a partner they cannot fathom that for other people that is a better way for organising their relationships. Like you I dislike living with romantic partners and I don’t see the issue with that.

JHound · 15/06/2025 15:32

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 08:37

Have you ever had any kind of psychological evaluation?

You don't think your parenting affected you and yet you have never told your partner of 5 yes you love him and are not in what most of us would see as a committed relationship. You say you don't want more but why would you? Noones ever taught you to value how someone feels towards you. You're so disconnected from emotion it sounds almost sociopathic

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Their relationship seems perfectly committed to me.

To suggest somebody has a psychiatric evaluation because their relationship does not look how you think it should look is peak MN.