Page 5 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 20:05

Tandora · 15/06/2025 19:51

Tbf, whether it is odd or not that you haven’t said it, is deeply rooted in the nature of your relationship.

Yes of course it is. People are obviously going to ask about the context of the relationship to try and assess whether it’s odd.

Exactly

and given the relationship the OP describes she and her boyfriend having - it absolutely is not strange that they haven’t told one another they love one another after 5 years together.

whereas most relationships after 5 years together… well it would be very strange!

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:58

Swiftie1878 · 15/06/2025 19:43

Tbf, whether it is odd or not that you haven’t said it, is deeply rooted in the nature of your relationship.

I am very clearly a different person to you. And my DH is very, very different to your DP.
We make plans, not just to go to the cinema or go on holiday, but about how our lives should look and how we get to that destination.
For us it has involved where we want to live, what jobs we want to do, children, friendship development, retirement plans - loads of stuff.
It is ALL based on our love and commitment to each other.

You have described a very happy scenario with emotional but no practical commitment (by this I mean living together and/or having kids).
I guess people are just trying to work out your relationship in order to understand whether the saying ‘I love you’ or not is ‘weird’.

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I just don't read emotional commitment, I feel like if he came to her and said listen this has been great but I've fallen in love with someone so this is it for our casual affair she'd say 'eeeew you're so needy now, thank goodness you've decided to channel that every elsewhere'

Tandora · 15/06/2025 19:51

Tbf, whether it is odd or not that you haven’t said it, is deeply rooted in the nature of your relationship.

Yes of course it is. People are obviously going to ask about the context of the relationship to try and assess whether it’s odd.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:50

sandgrown · 15/06/2025 19:40

I always showed my ex partner I loved him but I have always found it a hard thing to say except to my children . The more my partner banged on about it the more I felt uncomfortable. Actions speak louder than words

Absolutely how I feel.

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Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 19:47

I wonder if he’s wondered what you’ve been up to last weekend and this weekend (if you saw him) as you have been banging out all these posts about how you love him truly madly deeply

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 19:45

I suspect the OP’s boyfriend would be utterly terrified to read the OP’s hundreds of posts on this thread!

Swiftie1878 · 15/06/2025 19:43

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:21

So you haven’t even understood the OP? I did not ask if my relationship was odd. I asked if it was odd that we’d never said or say we love each other. That is it.

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Tbf, whether it is odd or not that you haven’t said it, is deeply rooted in the nature of your relationship.

I am very clearly a different person to you. And my DH is very, very different to your DP.
We make plans, not just to go to the cinema or go on holiday, but about how our lives should look and how we get to that destination.
For us it has involved where we want to live, what jobs we want to do, children, friendship development, retirement plans - loads of stuff.
It is ALL based on our love and commitment to each other.

You have described a very happy scenario with emotional but no practical commitment (by this I mean living together and/or having kids).
I guess people are just trying to work out your relationship in order to understand whether the saying ‘I love you’ or not is ‘weird’.

sandgrown · 15/06/2025 19:40

I always showed my ex partner I loved him but I have always found it a hard thing to say except to my children . The more my partner banged on about it the more I felt uncomfortable. Actions speak louder than words

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:35

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:29

See I've shared very little about myself other than speaking on my opinion on something you ASKED an opinion on. Yet your response is t engagement it's insults. Direct insults. Which is not unexpected because what else is there when you can't understand the conversation

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I asked for opinions on whether it was weird to never say I love you to my partner.

Not for your extremely odd and batshit replies claiming that I don’t have any physical, emotional, intellectual or affectionate elements to my relationship, your insulting pseudo psychology about my parents, or for your opinion on how often I see DP.

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:29

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:27

Okay well you struggle to read so forgive me if I don’t take your armchair psychology seriously.

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See I've shared very little about myself other than speaking on my opinion on something you ASKED an opinion on. Yet your response is t engagement it's insults. Direct insults. Which is not unexpected because what else is there when you can't understand the conversation

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:29

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:27

It's is though because is it odd, the answer is I don't know, noone knows unless they know Why you don't say it or the way the relationship you're not saying it in works.

Also your derision of the silly people with emotio s they talk about and how suffocating it is to share your feelings verbally. I dont think they are the problem

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Why you don't say it or the way the relationship you're not saying it in works.

This is incomprehensible.

No, it is not your business.

There you are with making stuff up again.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:27

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:25

Yes. It's odd. It's odd because it speaks to all these other weird preoccupations you have and difficulty accessing and acknowledging even your own emotions without 'cringung'. Your parenting has left you uncomfortable with your emotions to the point you almost can't see why it would be an issue, you can't imagine not having that absence as it's so ingrained. Not saying it is much less odd than lots of the rest of your relationship but it all seems to be mired in the same issue

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Okay well you struggle to read so forgive me if I don’t take your armchair psychology seriously.

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:27

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:20

He’d say yes and be confused about why I was asking.

I know that will disappoint you.

But this is neither any of your business nor the point of this thread.

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It's is though because is it odd, the answer is I don't know, noone knows unless they know Why you don't say it or the way the relationship you're not saying it in works.

Also your derision of the silly people with emotio s they talk about and how suffocating it is to share your feelings verbally. I dont think they are the problem

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:25

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:21

So you haven’t even understood the OP? I did not ask if my relationship was odd. I asked if it was odd that we’d never said or say we love each other. That is it.

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Yes. It's odd. It's odd because it speaks to all these other weird preoccupations you have and difficulty accessing and acknowledging even your own emotions without 'cringung'. Your parenting has left you uncomfortable with your emotions to the point you almost can't see why it would be an issue, you can't imagine not having that absence as it's so ingrained. Not saying it is much less odd than lots of the rest of your relationship but it all seems to be mired in the same issue

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:21

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:17

Because you're asking if your relationship is odd, yet claiming it's deep and committed and your emotional behaviour and cringing entirely ordinary responses. If you're going on a date once a fortnight and a holiday once every 3 months then yeah it's odd, or not odd but not long term deep and committed

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So you haven’t even understood the OP? I did not ask if my relationship was odd. I asked if it was odd that we’d never said or say we love each other. That is it.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:20

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:18

And then would you say 'ah it's this stupid conversation I'm having online about the validity of relationships and it got me thinking, there is proper intent there isn't there? We are planning for this to be long term?' what would he say?

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He’d say yes and be confused about why I was asking.

I know that will disappoint you.

But this is neither any of your business nor the point of this thread.

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:18

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:16

Probably ‘what are you talking about? What is emotional motivation of our actions?’ and I’d agree that I’d have no idea.

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And then would you say 'ah it's this stupid conversation I'm having online about the validity of relationships and it got me thinking, there is proper intent there isn't there? We are planning for this to be long term?' what would he say?

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:17

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:14

Why?

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Because you're asking if your relationship is odd, yet claiming it's deep and committed and your emotional behaviour and cringing entirely ordinary responses. If you're going on a date once a fortnight and a holiday once every 3 months then yeah it's odd, or not odd but not long term deep and committed

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:16

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:14

What if you did phone him for that conversation? What would be said?

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Probably ‘what are you talking about? What is emotional motivation of our actions?’ and I’d agree that I’d have no idea.

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:14

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 18:31

Planning for the future, discussing the emotional motivation for your actions, the living of shared experiences etc

Tempted to ring him and ask for a conversation about the emotional motivation of our actions.

What planning for the future do we need? We plan fantastic holidays and lovely days and nights. We are financially stable and own houses in our own rights. We don’t need to talk about pooling our money to pay for Timothy’s piano lessons or about how we’ll put the kids through university. We don’t need to discuss if we’ve got enough set aside for the extension. We don’t have to worry about if we should move near a good school. What is there to plan for?

Other than continue to be happy and enjoy yourselves and each other.

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What if you did phone him for that conversation? What would be said?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:14

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:13

How much time do you spend together in a week with your partner?

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Why?

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:14

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:13

you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children.

I have no idea what this means.

I’m reacting because you’re a dickhead who makes things up, especially about my parents.

Learn to read and write.

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Autocorrect error, your derision not your decision.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:13

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:12

Ok, so you're sleeping together, you don't seem to talk about anything below the surface or am I wrong? Ad if so can you explain how?

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Fucking Hell. Read the thread. I’ve had enough of repeating these three words to you.

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Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 19:13

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:13

you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children.

I have no idea what this means.

I’m reacting because you’re a dickhead who makes things up, especially about my parents.

Learn to read and write.

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How much time do you spend together in a week with your partner?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 19:13

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 18:55

See back when we were DINKs we were the same, each owned our own homes etc, financially independent and no 'little Tommy's piano lessons' 🙄 by the way you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children. I definitely dontthink everyone needs kids, cohabitation or marriage but to not have had the conversations, or not deeply at least is how it reads. It's so so odd and so emotionally unaware and your extremely reactionary responses just serve to ud erline that you don't entirely understand what emotions are behind things. So so odd

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you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children.

I have no idea what this means.

I’m reacting because you’re a dickhead who makes things up, especially about my parents.

Learn to read and write.

OP posts: