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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:38

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:26

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

😅 Do you have to live with someone and plan to have a family to be able to love them? I was pregnant with his child once. Was I able to love him then?

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:37

LoztWorld · 06/06/2025 15:28

If it’s not important to either of you to hear it said it’s not worth worrying about, All that matters is your relationship works for you both.

It’s absolutely essential to say it to kids often IMO but I see you’re not having any so that’s fine too.

I think a lot of boomer dads never told their kids they loved them. Mine didn’t, My mum did though. I hope your parents managed to show love in other ways.

I never had any doubt whatsoever that they loved me more than anything.

OP posts:
DontTouchRoach · 06/06/2025 15:36

I think it's unusual, but not weird, if that makes sense. If you're both happy with it and you both know you love each other, it's not a problem.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:36

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:27

And his family was the same OP? Never say I love you?

I honestly don’t know. I’ve never asked him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:35

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:27

Would you want to live with him op?

Probably not. I like having my own space and I’m used to it. Maybe if we bought somewhere where we could each have a living room.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:34

So he is also “indifferent” to ever living together?
he too has said doesn’t ever want children?
his family also never have said or say “I love you”?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:32

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/06/2025 15:24

If you’re both happy and on the same page of knowing you love each other, it’s fine. I think it’s very unusual for two people in a long term relationship to have never told each other at all, but “weird” is entirely subjective and carries an unnecessarily judgemental tone about something that doesn’t involve anyone else.

ETA: Do you communicate well about other things and emotions, and regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling? That’s important, to make sure that your relationship doesn’t turn into a status quo of each of you assuming the other is happy with things when you might not be.

Edited

If there have been things we’re not happy about we’d let each other know, yes. To be honest though, it’s very rare there’s anything were unhappy about with each other.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:31

LoztWorld · 06/06/2025 15:30

Disagree with this strongly. There’s more than one way to have a meaningful loving relationship

Show quote history

The op is “indifferent” to ever living with him

OP, how do you spend your time with him and how often together? Have you ever holidayed together? You socialise as a couple with friends and family?

PomeloOud · 06/06/2025 15:30

My friend’s partner is ASD. They’ve been together for 30 years and he’s never once said he loves her. In cards he writes ‘to xxxx, love xxxx’. I find this incredibly sad, for her. But then my husband will write a paragraph on how much he loves me. 😊

Each to their own, I guess.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:30

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:29

I’m indifferent to either marrying or living together.

We’re both in our late 30s, it’s been a long time since either of our first relationships. We’ve known each other since them though - we were good friends for years.

Show quote history

Yes that is you

He is also “indifferent”?

LoztWorld · 06/06/2025 15:30

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:26

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

Disagree with this strongly. There’s more than one way to have a meaningful loving relationship

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:29

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:23

Plan to marry?
life together?

first relationship?

I’m indifferent to either marrying or living together.

We’re both in our late 30s, it’s been a long time since either of our first relationships. We’ve known each other since them though - we were good friends for years.

OP posts:
LoztWorld · 06/06/2025 15:28

If it’s not important to either of you to hear it said it’s not worth worrying about, All that matters is your relationship works for you both.

It’s absolutely essential to say it to kids often IMO but I see you’re not having any so that’s fine too.

I think a lot of boomer dads never told their kids they loved them. Mine didn’t, My mum did though. I hope your parents managed to show love in other ways.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:27

And his family was the same OP? Never say I love you?

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:27

Would you want to live with him op?

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:26

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:26

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:22

If you did, I suspect you may realise how utterly unfathomable not saying I love you EVER to your child is.

Incomprehensible actually

Show quote history

Maybe they did when I was a toddler or baby. They definitely did/do love me, there was never any doubt. It was just never said. I’m not sure why it’s unfathomable.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/06/2025 15:24

If you’re both happy and on the same page of knowing you love each other, it’s fine. I think it’s very unusual for two people in a long term relationship to have never told each other at all, but “weird” is entirely subjective and carries an unnecessarily judgemental tone about something that doesn’t involve anyone else.

ETA: Do you communicate well about other things and emotions, and regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling? That’s important, to make sure that your relationship doesn’t turn into a status quo of each of you assuming the other is happy with things when you might not be.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:24

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:17

Live together?
plan to have a family together?
Already have children together?!

Don’t live together. We won’t be having kids.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:23

Plan to marry?
life together?

first relationship?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:23

PomeloOud · 06/06/2025 15:19

So weird. What about in cards? Do you never even write it?

My parents never told us (or each other) that they loved me. I’d really hate to be like that. My husband I say it freely and often. Our kids also.

I write ‘to DP, happy birthday! Love Takinitgottobserd’. Same as I would in anyone else’s.

Your parents sound the same as mine in that they never said it. It didn’t and doesn’t bother me though.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:22

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:21

To be honest I’ve never given it a second thought. I knew I was loved. It was totally normal.

I don’t intend to have kids.

Show quote history

If you did, I suspect you may realise how utterly unfathomable not saying I love you EVER to your child is.

Incomprehensible actually

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:21

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:16

My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them,

surely you know that that is certainly not “normal”?

Do you have children yet op?

Edited

To be honest I’ve never given it a second thought. I knew I was loved. It was totally normal.

I don’t intend to have kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:19

ThatChirpySheep · 06/06/2025 15:06

Clearly you have made it this far to be together 5 years and I’m presuming you are happy? I think it’s weird to other couples but they aren’t you and your partner.

Show quote history

Very happy!

OP posts:
PomeloOud · 06/06/2025 15:19

So weird. What about in cards? Do you never even write it?

My parents never told us (or each other) that they loved me. I’d really hate to be like that. My husband I say it freely and often. Our kids also.

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