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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 22:00

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:55

Ah

You are recovering from abuse

Then it all makes a lot more sense, have you had counselling to help you address the abuse you suffered?

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I have said this already in my posts. I have asked you multiple times if you’ve read them. Clearly not.

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:55

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:54

I know you're in your 40s I’m not in my 40s.

I haven’t been ‘hurt’ in the past. I was abused in the past.

Anyway, this is going nowhere.

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Ah

You are recovering from abuse

Then it all makes a lot more sense, have you had counselling to help you address the abuse you suffered?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:54

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:53

I'm sure It does feel better if you've been hurt in the past to be less invested and have less asked of you.

What are you 'taking my word' on regarding kids? I'm literally talking about the depth of feeling and involvement BEFORE marriage and kids because it is closest to the life you want.

I'm sorry someone tried to force you into having kids, I strongly believe women should be able to choose whether or not they want children and when and with whom.

I know you're in your 40s, which is what makes it so emotionally bizarre.

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I know you're in your 40s I’m not in my 40s.

I haven’t been ‘hurt’ in the past. I was abused in the past.

Anyway, this is going nowhere.

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:54

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:53

😂😂 Fucking Hell.

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Ha! You laughed! Not a total robot then.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:53

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:50

Don't lie. That was the third sentence.

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😂😂 Fucking Hell.

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:53

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:50

Okay. I’m not in my 20s. I’m knocking 40. I’ve had ‘serious’ relationships where we tell each other we love each other, live together, plan for marriage. This feels much, much better. And I love him much, much more.

I’ll take your word about the kids. I don’t want any, despite previous partners applying pressure.

Maybe what’s right for you isn’t what’s right for me.

Show quote history

I'm sure It does feel better if you've been hurt in the past to be less invested and have less asked of you.

What are you 'taking my word' on regarding kids? I'm literally talking about the depth of feeling and involvement BEFORE marriage and kids because it is closest to the life you want.

I'm sorry someone tried to force you into having kids, I strongly believe women should be able to choose whether or not they want children and when and with whom.

I know you're in your 40s, which is what makes it so emotionally bizarre.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:52

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:48

You say you love this person and he loves you, and you think that should convince people. But you say yourself that words mean nothing to you, so why should you insist that your words should mean so much to everyone else? My opinion is based only partly on your words. It's also about how you respond to others (the only emotions you actually show are anger and contempt) and also what you don't say, and don't acknowledge.

Frankly it is weird that you even started this thread. You cannot possibly think that your approach to expressing love is not unusual in our culture. It's odd. So why did you start this thread?

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The thread was interesting until the nutters started taking it over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:50

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:43

No, my husband and I have been together 18 years, married for 8, a whole lifetime practically we've been with one another, were very lucky and we know that.

I had a boyfriend in my 20s though where I might have said the same as you say now and I thought it was all very committed and long-term and somehow cool that we knew without saying. I didn't realize the depth that was missing. I do now and it's night and day the difference between dating for 5 years and having an actual life together. It's really odd hearing someone parrot what I used to say before years of growth and healing and real and enduring love.

It's a very different thing to 'love' someone you're dating and the love that comes from the shared experience of a life together. And I mean that for the 10 years before marriage and kids too and the years before we lived together, it's not the unorthodox nature of your relationship that's odd, it's the lack of emotional involvement you seem to want or give

Show quote history

Okay. I’m not in my 20s. I’m knocking 40. I’ve had ‘serious’ relationships where we tell each other we love each other, live together, plan for marriage. This feels much, much better. And I love him much, much more.

I’ll take your word about the kids. I don’t want any, despite previous partners applying pressure.

Maybe what’s right for you isn’t what’s right for me.

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:50

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:30

Again, only managed the first sentence, but my ‘huff’ was about you stating that I don’t love him. You cannot possibly know what my emotions are better than I do. It’s just weird. And actually this was covered off by another poster back on the first page.

Edited
Show quote history

Don't lie. That was the third sentence.

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:48

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:30

Again, only managed the first sentence, but my ‘huff’ was about you stating that I don’t love him. You cannot possibly know what my emotions are better than I do. It’s just weird. And actually this was covered off by another poster back on the first page.

Edited
Show quote history

You say you love this person and he loves you, and you think that should convince people. But you say yourself that words mean nothing to you, so why should you insist that your words should mean so much to everyone else? My opinion is based only partly on your words. It's also about how you respond to others (the only emotions you actually show are anger and contempt) and also what you don't say, and don't acknowledge.

Frankly it is weird that you even started this thread. You cannot possibly think that your approach to expressing love is not unusual in our culture. It's odd. So why did you start this thread?

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:43

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:42

I see him every weekend, but why do you care?

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So you're dating. You see each other for an overnight at the weekend.

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:43

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:29

It doesn’t scare me at all. I don’t care. Maybe you’re projecting what would scare you. And it’s entirely okay for you to feel that way within your relationship.

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No, my husband and I have been together 18 years, married for 8, a whole lifetime practically we've been with one another, were very lucky and we know that.

I had a boyfriend in my 20s though where I might have said the same as you say now and I thought it was all very committed and long-term and somehow cool that we knew without saying. I didn't realize the depth that was missing. I do now and it's night and day the difference between dating for 5 years and having an actual life together. It's really odd hearing someone parrot what I used to say before years of growth and healing and real and enduring love.

It's a very different thing to 'love' someone you're dating and the love that comes from the shared experience of a life together. And I mean that for the 10 years before marriage and kids too and the years before we lived together, it's not the unorthodox nature of your relationship that's odd, it's the lack of emotional involvement you seem to want or give

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:42

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:40

Guessing you didn’t see him this weekend

night

ps I would def watch if it was made in to a film!!

I see him every weekend, but why do you care?

OP posts:
Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:40

Guessing you didn’t see him this weekend

night

ps I would def watch if it was made in to a film!!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:36

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:33

Two people happy to live entirely separately and meet up for sex, a cuddle and the odd holiday and plan to stay that way for the rest of their lives.

and live 2 mins from one another!

it could be a romantic movie!

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Not sure what I’ve said to give the impression I want to be in a romantic film. It’s not for you. I get it. You don’t have to keep telling me, and you don’t have to do the same as me.

I’m happy. He’s happy. All sorted.

OP posts:
Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:33

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:31

Yes, that’s why we’re so lucky to have found each other I suppose. Thanks.

Show quote history

Two people happy to live entirely separately and meet up for sex, a cuddle and the odd holiday and plan to stay that way for the rest of their lives.

and live 2 mins from one another!

it could be a romantic movie!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:33

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:31

oh yes

here comes the old chestnut… you must be so unhappy, you are clearly in a poor relationship or “projecting” 😆

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🙄

OP posts:
Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:31

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:29

It doesn’t scare me at all. I don’t care. Maybe you’re projecting what would scare you. And it’s entirely okay for you to feel that way within your relationship.

Show quote history

oh yes

here comes the old chestnut… you must be so unhappy, you are clearly in a poor relationship or “projecting” 😆

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:31

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:30

You definitely are “lucky” to have found one another
there can’t be many people in 5 year plus relationship, in the mid thirties who have zero intention is ever saying I love you to one another, who are positively uncomfortable with the words, and don’t care or indifferent as to whether they ever share a home together or marry

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Yes, that’s why we’re so lucky to have found each other I suppose. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:30

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:14

You asked for opinions on whether it was odd to not tell each other "I love you." I said yes it is very odd, and I explained my reasoning for that response. You then got in a big old huff about it - as you have with everyone who has tried to discuss your OP with you.

All a bit silly, isn't it? If you've ever read a novel, watched a film, or listened to a song, you already know that your attitude is very weird.

Show quote history

Again, only managed the first sentence, but my ‘huff’ was about you stating that I don’t love him. You cannot possibly know what my emotions are better than I do. It’s just weird. And actually this was covered off by another poster back on the first page.

OP posts:
Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:30

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:09

Similar back. Or he’ll say similar first.

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You definitely are “lucky” to have found one another
there can’t be many people in 5 year plus relationship, in the mid thirties who have zero intention is ever saying I love you to one another, who are positively uncomfortable with the words, and don’t care or indifferent as to whether they ever share a home together or marry

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:29

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:14

Because you don't know and it scares you

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It doesn’t scare me at all. I don’t care. Maybe you’re projecting what would scare you. And it’s entirely okay for you to feel that way within your relationship.

OP posts:
Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:28

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:01

Well you don't speak or behave as though you have any actual feelings of love towards anyone. And according to you, your partner would find any mention of the word "love" to be concerning and disturbing. I have no idea why you think he loves you or why you think you love him. People who are in love tell each other how they feel about one another. Partly because at some point the feelings demand expression. People blurt it out.

Maybe you do love him but the only expression you can imagine for those feelings is starting a thread on MN. Which is both odd and sad.

Either way, you asked if it’s odd and yes, it is, very.

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Nailed it

wrongthinker · 15/06/2025 21:14

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:07

I didn’t seek opinions on whether I love him. I know I do. Perhaps learn to read and comprehend the OP. Clearly it’s something many people on this forum struggle with.

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You asked for opinions on whether it was odd to not tell each other "I love you." I said yes it is very odd, and I explained my reasoning for that response. You then got in a big old huff about it - as you have with everyone who has tried to discuss your OP with you.

All a bit silly, isn't it? If you've ever read a novel, watched a film, or listened to a song, you already know that your attitude is very weird.

Barnbrack · 15/06/2025 21:14

Takinitgottobserd · 15/06/2025 21:08

I’ve told you that I’m not answering any more ‘what would he say’ posts.

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Because you don't know and it scares you