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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
loobyloo1979 · 06/06/2025 16:12

I forgot to say I love you to dp when he left for work the other morning- he text me to remind me. We say I love you every day. I tell me dc I love them every day and vice versa. I find it weird you don't.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:11

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:56

Have you met his family? You have never heard the word love being bandied about in relation to one another?

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I’ve met them but don’t spend much time with them.

OP posts:
Runnersandtoms · 06/06/2025 16:11

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:16

My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them,

surely you know that that is certainly not “normal”?

Do you have children yet op?

Edited

I don't think it's that weird. I don't really remember my parents saying it when I was growing up (though they'd put 'lots of love from' on cards) but I was never in any doubt about it and felt very secure, loved, protected and supported growing up. I say it all the time to my kids though. But I'd say it's not a prerequisite for being a loving parent (or partner). Plenty of abusive partners and parents say a lot of 'I love you's when they're not being abusive. It's meaningless if the actions don't match.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 16:11

FedupofArsenalgame · 06/06/2025 16:10

Why do you doubt she loves him?

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That was unfair and wrong of me

FedupofArsenalgame · 06/06/2025 16:10

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:26

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

Why do you doubt she loves him?

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 16:09

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:08

Yes, when they’ve said it to me I’ve said it back or it would’ve felt a bit harsh. To be honest I got the impression with the last one that he thought saying it for the first time was giving me a bit of a treat.

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Did you actually love this person though?

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 16:09

The people who say it every day, the people who end every phone call with it, t

too much for you
but I tell my two I love them every day
and I will invariably end any calls with “love you” or “remember your mum loves ya!”

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:08

ForZanyAquaViewer · 06/06/2025 15:51

How interesting! Have you said it to previous partners?

Yes, when they’ve said it to me I’ve said it back or it would’ve felt a bit harsh. To be honest I got the impression with the last one that he thought saying it for the first time was giving me a bit of a treat.

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WindDothBlow · 06/06/2025 16:08

😂Why are so many people taking issue with someone not saying something that becomes more meaningless the more you say it?

We say it a few times a year, perhaps - when we really mean it. If we said it every day, it would just be like saying hello or goodbye. Actions mean everything, words are throwaway.

Wolfpa · 06/06/2025 16:08

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:58

How do you know it’s “too excess”?

Give you never say it, I imagine anything above zero is “too excess” !

and who are the people saying it to excess? To you?

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The people who say it every day, the people who end every phone call with it, the people who are constantly posting stories on SM about getting in after a girls weekend to find a spotless house #loveyoubabe.

JimStirlingsPenisTransplant · 06/06/2025 16:08

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:56

Yes and yes. I’m not sure why people keep asking if we holiday together and share a bed.

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people don’t keep asking OP. It’s just fingerpie for some strange reason. Spanish Inquisition 🤣

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:04

CrownPointSouth · 06/06/2025 15:51

Yes actions speak louder than words but why cant you do both?
Me and my husband have been together 11 years married for 6, show each other we love each and say it.

I think it is really bizarre you can't bring yourself to say it even if "actions speak louder than words"

It doesn’t repulse me or anything. I’ve said it in previous relationships. I just don’t see or feel the need to say it, or hear it.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 16:02

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:01

I did! It seemed to make her think it was more strange, not less. She couldn’t fathom that I didn’t care if he said it or not.

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Even though you told her that you don’t care either?

what an odd friend!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 16:01

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:48

I think you just say to your friend that it’s not you never saying you love your partner Op. it is neither of you saying and you’re both relaxed about that.

I did! It seemed to make her think it was more strange, not less. She couldn’t fathom that I didn’t care if he said it or not.

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:59

x2boys · 06/06/2025 15:58

No people are different, they were born during the war ,they showed love in many ways they just didn't say it.

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“Born during the war”
and never telling you child that you love them, not once…
I honestly don’t see the two is related but 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:59

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:46

Who said you need to live with him op?!

Have you spent some consecutive nights together and then days together for a period of time?

Sounds more like FWB to me! But both happy so all good

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🙄

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:58

Wolfpa · 06/06/2025 15:57

@Takinitgottobserd i am the same as you. You don’t need to say something when it can be shown and felt.

i find the people who are saying it in excess are normally insecure and are trying to convince themselves that they are in a loving relationship.

How do you know it’s “too excess”?

Give you never say it, I imagine anything above zero is “too excess” !

and who are the people saying it to excess? To you?

x2boys · 06/06/2025 15:58

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:47

Now that you have children and tell them “all the time” you love them, are you not perplexed by your parents never saying it to you?

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No people are different, they were born during the war ,they showed love in many ways they just didn't say it.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:57

When you say it’s actions that show love Op, what actions have you / DP taken or take to show that love in actions?

Wolfpa · 06/06/2025 15:57

@Takinitgottobserd i am the same as you. You don’t need to say something when it can be shown and felt.

i find the people who are saying it in excess are normally insecure and are trying to convince themselves that they are in a loving relationship.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:56

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:36

I honestly don’t know. I’ve never asked him.

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Have you met his family? You have never heard the word love being bandied about in relation to one another?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:56

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:43

Have you holidayed ever with him?
Do you stay over at one another’s homes and share a bed together?

Yes and yes. I’m not sure why people keep asking if we holiday together and share a bed.

OP posts:
x2boys · 06/06/2025 15:55

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:22

If you did, I suspect you may realise how utterly unfathomable not saying I love you EVER to your child is.

Incomprehensible actually

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My parents never did but i have absolutely no doubt they did/,do love me and I had a lovely childhood they were very affectionate.

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:55

ThatChirpySheep · 06/06/2025 15:54

Like a companionship? Doesn’t mean it’s worth less or OP doesn’t love her DP and vise versa.

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Exactly

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:55

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:42

You don’t seem to talk about anything relating to feelings or plans op if you don’t know his thoughts on whether he ever sees himself as living with you or wanting a family! It sounds like it works for you.

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I didn’t say I didn’t know whether he wants a family - he doesn’t.

OP posts: