To never tell partner I love him?

Sounds like it works out perfectly for both of you then!

It’s very strange to me. My family also says it every time we say goodbye. I say it to my DH at least 10 times a day, in random moments when he does or says something funny or charming or endearing or wonderful. Whenever I feel it most, basically, it comes out of my mouth, in addition to other compliments. I cannot hold it in, even if I wanted to.

When I met DH, he wasn’t like that. His father never said it to him. He’s just come out of a decades long, pretty emotionally abusive marriage, and neither he nor his XW ever said it to one another. He used to only say “ILY” after I said it first, and it made me feel really insecure. We talked about it, why he didn’t express himself if he felt the same way I did, and he made efforts to change. It comes more easily to him now, especially since it’s reciprocated and rewarded with a positive response.

So I don’t think it’s reasonable or unreasonable to not say it; sometimes that’s just how people are. As long as you feel loved and your partner feels loved, that’s all that matters.

And I said

I was wrong and unfair

I tell mine everyday

I also tell my Daughter every day.

I was brought up by an abusive parent, who only told me she loved me when she got me so distressed and upset I was throwing up.

My Mum was never told be her Mum, with this sort of behaviour running through the generations.

I have chosen to break the inter-generational trauma and abuse.

For my Daughter, saying “I love you” to someone, or having someone say it to her won’t be odd, awkward, difficult or anything else.

I think it’s unusual to not tell your partner you love them especially when being intimate.
However I do cringe when I here people say it all the time.
like OP I grew up in a loving family but we didn’t say it all the time.
I’m of the opinion that it’s a more of a trend these days but wasn’t in previous generations.
However I’m not convinced it’s always genuine between friends etc.

DH and I tell each other every time we say goodbye, before bed etc and also whenever we feel it. We must say it at least 10 times a day, but I grew up in a family where we say love you all the time so it just feels normal to me. I don’t believe in true love or soul mates though, I just think we’re very compatible people.

It wouldn't be for me OP as I an completely in love with the idea of love. DS on the other hand (who I tell all the time) says 'you only need to tell me once and then I know forever.' I think some people are very romantic and some people are just much more practical.

Are you romantic in other ways?

I can relate OP, my husband and I have said I love you, but it's really not something we say regularly. My parents have never said it to me, but I've always felt very loved by my mumand we are very close, difficult relationship with my dad but i don't doubt he loves me. DH's mum said it alot, but she was abusive and manipulative, so his experience of hearing it wasn't very positive. We have children, I do tell them I love them but it's not an everyday thing, and doesn't come easily to me in the way that showing love by caring for them does.

I don't think the words matter as much as your overall behaviour and relationship, which you both seem happy with - i can see it causing problems if you were with someone who needed to hear the words daily, but it sounds like neither of you do. I have been in relationships in the past where my partner told he me loved me but was abusive, or told me he loved me and cheated. The words mean nothing without actions.l, and for me (not everyone, which just shows we're all different) the actions alone are enough.

Broadly speaking, it is generational.

Currently, it's atypical not to tell your DC you love them; in 1980s Ireland it was quite typical not to stay 'I love you'. This doesn't mean, like in your case, that families / parents do so, but based on my own experience of being with friends, I can't ever really remember hearing it said and know from conversations that it wasn't.

You have been really directly questioning OP and quite specifically saying that it's 'certainly not normal' (that it wasn't said to her by her parents).

Sounds like you want to know to much about me.
How i am has nothing to do with my parents.
Its like any religion you either believe in it or you dont.

Weell there is several posters saying the same thing so its not unusual
Does it really matter as long as people know they were loved,?

im a child of the late seventies
my dad was a much older dad
I was told I was loved freely and liberally
I really don’t think telling your children is a generational thing if you were born this side of the 2WW!

I never ever said “cold”

I said whether you find it perplexing having had parents that never said I love you and now that you’re a parent

you have explained 🤷‍♀️

You are weirdly insistent about this @Fingerpie

My parents never said they loved me (I'm a child of the 80s); and neither did most of my friends' parents.

They did love me, and I knew that.

Once I had my own children, I told them I loved them, from their earliest days and regularly but it didn't make me think my own parents were strange / cold - just that it was a different time, and they weren't especially unusual, even though I'm sure there were other parents at the time who did say that. In the same way, their parenting style was broadly very different to mine (and most people I know), lots of practical support but little in the way of emotional support, and broadly autocratic in style. I don't think that's great parenting but I recognise it as the product of its time.

Similarly, I think telling your DC you love them is important but the fact that my parents didn't doesn't seem either perplexing or cold or any of the other adjectives you used. Because I understand the context of the time and what was fairly usual then.

I don't think it matters as long as you're both happy with your relationship, however you live/communicate/what you plan for the future! It'd be unusual for my relationship and probably many others but that's not relevant. And agreed that it's far more important to show someone they're loved than it is to say it.

Oh heavens no, sorry

genuinely curious because it is truly alien to me

Those I love, I tell them.

Those that love me, they tell me.

it is just part of the fabric of our relationship. And so I’m curious about those that are so different. Nothing more nothing less

So you have never loved anyone
Prob why you don’t believe in it!
how old are you?
presume your parents didn’t have a happy marriage?

@Fingerpie you seem quite het up about this almost as if you are trying to prove something to yourself

8 years in. We first said it after 5 years. Now we say it every now and again. We don't live together but spend most of the week at my or his place. We have joint pension plans, socialise with each other's families, are close to each other's families, we have a joint bank account, etc. Both divorced and no plans to get married again. No kids on either side.

We have very busy lives (independently and together) and we have no doubt we love each other. We have shared interests, laugh a lot together, and generally have a very happy relationship. I'm quite sure that the key to it is that we spend part of the week apart.

There is no tried and tested format for a happy relationship - but I have no doubt I'm in a committed, loving, happy one.

No im single and love it.
I have had relationships but i felt so tied down having to reassure that person of how much i like them.
Id rather be single and travel.

I didn’t ask about children

are you in a relationship? If so, happy?
have you ever been in a happy healthy relationship?