Page 25 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

amyds2104 · 06/06/2025 21:12

I always tell people I love them because I’m worried they will die and i wouldn’t have told them. Several times a day, end of every phone call etc and when I say goodbye.
My husband never tells me he loves me. He was never told as a child so suspect this is where it stems from. I make jokes about it. He jokes about it but still never tells me. I do know he loves me by how he treats me which is far more important really.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 06/06/2025 21:09

JustMeHello · 06/06/2025 18:25

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5345276-to-think-my-friend-should-set-her-standards-higher?
To think my friend should set her standards higher

Edit: Aargh, this was a reply to @ForZanyAquaViewer

Edited

Oh, I was on that one. OP was infuriating. Thanks for linking.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 21:06

WestwardHo1 · 06/06/2025 20:28

Why do people how disparaging to people in other situations to them? I'm the same as the OP. My DP and I are have been together for five years, don't plan on living together and don't intend marrying. Both of us have been there, done that. However we're certainly not just "dating" 🙄

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People can’t seem to comprehend that not everyone dreams of marriage and kids.

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WestwardHo1 · 06/06/2025 20:28

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:26

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

Why do people how disparaging to people in other situations to them? I'm the same as the OP. My DP and I are have been together for five years, don't plan on living together and don't intend marrying. Both of us have been there, done that. However we're certainly not just "dating" 🙄

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 20:27

FedupofArsenalgame · 06/06/2025 20:21

My parents never said they loved me. I knew they did. I didn't find it perplexing when I had kids. I didn't go round telling them I loved them either

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I’m pleased it’s not just me.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 20:22

Swiftie1878 · 06/06/2025 20:13

Interesting!

If/when you have kids? Would you tell them? Or just leave it till they are old enough to ‘know’?

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No idea, I don’t want kids.

My sister has two. No idea if she’s told them but she certainly doesn’t every time she leaves them or whatever.

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FedupofArsenalgame · 06/06/2025 20:21

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 17:04

I never ever said “cold”

I said whether you find it perplexing having had parents that never said I love you and now that you’re a parent

you have explained 🤷‍♀️

My parents never said they loved me. I knew they did. I didn't find it perplexing when I had kids. I didn't go round telling them I loved them either

Swiftie1878 · 06/06/2025 20:13

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 19:42

I wouldn’t feel anything about it. One of my parents have died and I never told them either. I’m sure they knew, as I’m sure he does.

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Interesting!

If/when you have kids? Would you tell them? Or just leave it till they are old enough to ‘know’?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 19:42

bigbreakfastclub · 06/06/2025 19:41

My husband would know by my every day actions

Exactly this.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 19:42

Swiftie1878 · 06/06/2025 19:37

If he were to die tomorrow, how would you feel about never having said the words?

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I wouldn’t feel anything about it. One of my parents have died and I never told them either. I’m sure they knew, as I’m sure he does.

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bigbreakfastclub · 06/06/2025 19:41

My husband would know by my every day actions

Swiftie1878 · 06/06/2025 19:37

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:01

This is exactly what I think. The words can be said by anyone. It’s the actions that count.

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If he were to die tomorrow, how would you feel about never having said the words?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 19:19

stayathomer · 06/06/2025 19:14

Do you say other things that mean the same? You’re the best, whst would I do without you etc? Then I get it!

I don’t, if I’m honest. I think he’d think I’d taken leave of my senses.

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stayathomer · 06/06/2025 19:14

Do you say other things that mean the same? You’re the best, whst would I do without you etc? Then I get it!

yakkity · 06/06/2025 19:11

PomeloOud · 06/06/2025 15:30

My friend’s partner is ASD. They’ve been together for 30 years and he’s never once said he loves her. In cards he writes ‘to xxxx, love xxxx’. I find this incredibly sad, for her. But then my husband will write a paragraph on how much he loves me. 😊

Each to their own, I guess.

You don’t need to be sad for someone just because their partner has a different love language.
plenty of people say please and thank you and I love you but act with no graciousness, no gratitude and demonstrating little in the way of love.

it’s the whole picture that matters. Not just one little aspect like saying ‘I love you’

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 06/06/2025 18:58

The idea of romance, emotional chats, etc. knocks me ill.

I feel the same way.

JustMeHello · 06/06/2025 18:25

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5345276-to-think-my-friend-should-set-her-standards-higher?
To think my friend should set her standards higher

Edit: Aargh, this was a reply to @ForZanyAquaViewer

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 18:19

Tina294 · 06/06/2025 18:09

Sounds like it works out perfectly for both of you then!

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That said, he’s just text me to say he’s bought me two books he thought I’d like. Maybe that is a form of romance.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 18:19

LastPostISwear · 06/06/2025 18:14

Really? Did you get that impression from the person you were dating? I ask DH what he’a thinking about all the time because I want to know what he’s actually thinking about, not with the expectation that the answer will be me

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Yes, definitely. He’d go into brooding silence if it wasn’t him. Totally ridiculous and pathetic.

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LastPostISwear · 06/06/2025 18:14

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 18:13

I agree. I was in a relationship where he’d ask ‘what are you thinking about?’ and I knew I had to pretend and say I was thinking about him when I was thinking about nothing of the sort. I used to hate it.

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Really? Did you get that impression from the person you were dating? I ask DH what he’a thinking about all the time because I want to know what he’s actually thinking about, not with the expectation that the answer will be me

Starlight7080 · 06/06/2025 18:14

I think it sounds very normal for you . Especially given its how you have been raised.
We are definitely i love you people. But i think only since we had kids. We both come from families that either didn't say it or only did once in a while.
But we tell our dc all the time and each other.
But it sounds like you have a lovely relationship. And I agree actions definitely show love just as much as saying it . If not more.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 18:13

dontgiveafuck · 06/06/2025 18:11

I understand this clearly.
All the mushy romantic stuff deep talks staring into each others eyes etc.
Having to reassure someone daily of your love for them.
Just makes me cringe.

Im not against it and think its lovely for others its just not me.

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I agree. I was in a relationship where he’d ask ‘what are you thinking about?’ and I knew I had to pretend and say I was thinking about him when I was thinking about nothing of the sort. I used to hate it.

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JMSA · 06/06/2025 18:12

It’s highly unusual, yes. I can’t even imagine it actually.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 18:11

Tina294 · 06/06/2025 18:09

Sounds like it works out perfectly for both of you then!

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It certainly feels that way. I’m very happy.

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dontgiveafuck · 06/06/2025 18:11

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 17:49

No, not at all. The idea of romance, emotional chats, etc. knocks me ill. My DP is definitely not romantic either.

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I understand this clearly.
All the mushy romantic stuff deep talks staring into each others eyes etc.
Having to reassure someone daily of your love for them.
Just makes me cringe.

Im not against it and think its lovely for others its just not me.