To never tell partner I love him?

But it isn’t one or the other, we talk about words and deeds, but it’s also deeds and words.

My parents have never told me they love me. Not that I can remember anyway. My brother and I would never say it either.

I very rarely say it to DH. I think on our wedding day, he shuffled his feet a bit, asked "do you wanna?" and I said "oh go on then". He says I love you all the time. Multiple times a day. His whole family do.

We've been together for 26yrs, raised two children - one to adulthood - and are very happy.

I say it to my DC pretty frequently however. To ds every day and DD most days.

You do you.

It wouldnt work for me but I'm not you. Being unwilling to express love was the reason I left a long term partner. Wild horses wouldn't have dragged the words out of him and I ended up throwing in the towel because to me it's the fundamental part of being a human, to say the words and enjoy the feeling.

We're all different, my DH and I say we love each other several times a day, it's our thing. It doesn't matter to us what others want to do, we do us.

You seem to think that telling someone devalues the sentiment or even the relationship. Is that true? Or is it different for you.

Why were you surprised that your friend was dumbfounded? Did you genuinely think it is a mainstream position?

How would you respond if he said today “I know it’s taken a long time to get there, but I love you.”

I don't think its that weird. It's just different types of people some people say love you multiple times a day and others never say it, it doesn't make the love any different. For me it was not something said while growing up but I didn't grow up feeling unloved it just wasn't said verbally but it was shown in multiple way everyday. I mean what's better being in a relationship with someone who treats you like shit but says he loves you or someone who never says it but shows you every day in the actions they take

Sometimes my child will do something or say say something and quite honestly, the words “I love you” almost propel themselves out of my mouth without any prior thought whatsoever!

Same when my husband rocked up at work last week unannounced when I’d had a very emotional day with various patients struggling, and when I saw him sitting there, with a picnic supper, I don’t think I could have stopped the words “I love you” coming out of me.

Sometimes I get these waves of love for family (or one of my two closest friends of thirty years) that it would be torture for me to not say “I love you”

it really goes to show how we are all human but can be so very different. The idea of a loved one making me “squirm” when they tell me they love me is so far from my reality that until I read this thread I don’t think I’d have believed it possible! So it’s been a learning experience!

Deleted… not relevant to thread!

I only say it to my son.
For the first time ever, my brother said it to me when we were hanging up the phone.
And i happily said i love you too.

Parents never said love you to me - I have never said it to my husband - he does say it to me - I squirm for some reason! We been together married 30 years!

Yes!
Every relationship I've had, ended because it just icked me out in the end.

If it helps, most of the vows aren't declarations of love. They're - well, they're vows. They're statements of intent. Yes one of them (in the rites I am most familiar with) is to love and to cherish, but that's more an act than a feeling. You don't stand there and gush, you stand there and promise.

I'm not sure my parents ever said "I love you" to me

I never felt anything less than absolutely loved as a child.

I remember both of them using various terms of endearment like "love" and "darling" (and occasionally duck, though that was more my grandmothers) and my dad continued to make a point of kissing us goodnight - even when I visited as an adult, if I happened to be in the vicinity when he was going up. Oh, and one of my enduring memories of my mum is her picking me up and saying "ooh my little girl" well into my teens

H's parents were even less demonstrative, to the point that he thought he might be unable to kiss his sons.. he got over that very quickly, fortunately.

We both made a conscious effort to say it in the early days of our relationship, and every now and then we remember to say it again (usually when we're tired and emotional). Also tried hard to say it to the kids. The younger one would end his uni phone calls with "love you!" so we seem to have vaguely succeeded.

My parents weren't/aren't the I love you type of parents either, or huggers. Although do love me very much and I them. I do very occasionally tell them I love you. But it always feels slightly awkward. My husband's parents are also the same.

But me and the husband are opposite we tell each other frequently, be it conversation, midway through things, text/phone etc.

But with my children i tell them at every opportunity and hug them lots. Even if the 17YO icks at it (jokingly or course).

BTW I don't find it strange as that you don't say it to each other. For me it would be just the way you are.

I think the only bit I find a little hard to comprehend is that you've never said it all. But each to their own. And if your happy with each other and your relationship then it shouldn't really matter!

I can relate OP! Me and DP never say it though have done a handful of times. My parents sound very similar to yours, they never say it but I have no doubt of their love. That said, I tell my kids at least once a day and always when I leave them and plan on doing so always! Not sure why it’s different with my partner, I think because neither of us are hugely into romantic love (the thought of a big white wedding fills me with dread, if/when we ever get married I was a registry office and a pub dinner).

I know.

See my sister does this, it’s like ocd and to be honest it’s just meaningless when she says it to me now

My parents never said it me growing up and I never said it to anyone. Then I met my current partner and after like 3-4 months I thought wow I actually do love you but wouldn’t say it before him, luckily he told me after 6 months and we’ve not stopped since .

My parents were not I love you types, I don’t think my dad ever said it and I definitely didn’t feel it… so I tell my kids daily and used to tell DH - although recently that’s going a bit pear shaped but that’s another issue