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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
TiredAH · 07/06/2025 18:12

I never heard those words at home, so first I time I told my husband felt weird, almost “fabricated”
I knew I was loved as a child (I know that NOW as an adult , but didn’t feel that way as a child) I now know that love was shown other ways rather than saying it out loud.

Missj25 · 07/06/2025 18:01

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Actions speak a 1000 time more than words ..
It’s different for everyone & once you feel loved & so does your husband, well then 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 17:56

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 17:44

I was just curious what kind of thing you did for one another that showed your strong love for one another

I suppose I was looking for an example rather than good time keeping! But I’m being nosy so ignore me

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Eh? Who mentioned timekeeping?

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 07/06/2025 17:45

Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 17:38

I never said we never had any signs of affection.

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OK, sorry, I didn't mean to imply that was the case for you.

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 17:44

Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 17:42

I find this a really weird question. What do you want? How does anyone show love? Quality time, consistency, security, thoughtfulness, physical affection and sex.

Show quote history

I was just curious what kind of thing you did for one another that showed your strong love for one another

I suppose I was looking for an example rather than good time keeping! But I’m being nosy so ignore me

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 17:42

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 16:35

Ok scrap that

what kind of deeds?

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I find this a really weird question. What do you want? How does anyone show love? Quality time, consistency, security, thoughtfulness, physical affection and sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 17:38

InterestedDad37 · 07/06/2025 17:28

My ex was like that... almost never any sign of affection. It was an issue for me, I'm a naturally affectionate man. I left eventually, but it took me nearly 30 years to do so 😀

I never said we never had any signs of affection.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 07/06/2025 17:28

My ex was like that... almost never any sign of affection. It was an issue for me, I'm a naturally affectionate man. I left eventually, but it took me nearly 30 years to do so 😀

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 16:35

Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 16:33

How does living together have any affect on showing love?

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Ok scrap that

what kind of deeds?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 16:33

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 14:13

Only because not living together and no intention to ever life together must mean less opportunity to show love through deeds I’d imagine

How does living together have any affect on showing love?

OP posts:
Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 14:13

Only because not living together and no intention to ever life together must mean less opportunity to show love through deeds I’d imagine

Fingerpie · 07/06/2025 14:12

I’m curious about the deeds the two of you do to show your love for one another op?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 13:06

GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 12:53

and he replies “I didn’t want to say those words, when I wasn’t sure that I meant it. Certainly I’ve liked you a lot since the start. I take it, it isn’t reciprocated. Thanks.”

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If this was the intensity with which he thought and acted I’d be shot of him in a heartbeat. No thanks.

OP posts:
GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 12:53

Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 11:40

‘What do you mean it’s taken a long time?!’

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and he replies “I didn’t want to say those words, when I wasn’t sure that I meant it. Certainly I’ve liked you a lot since the start. I take it, it isn’t reciprocated. Thanks.”

TheBewleySisters · 07/06/2025 12:18

My DH and I rarely say it. My mother never once said it to me, and I never said it to her.

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 07/06/2025 12:16

Wolfpa · 06/06/2025 15:57

@Takinitgottobserd i am the same as you. You don’t need to say something when it can be shown and felt.

i find the people who are saying it in excess are normally insecure and are trying to convince themselves that they are in a loving relationship.

In my marriage we say it a lot. When we say it we mean it and it has never become meaningless to us. Actions are more important, but words are important to us, too.

I don't know why you would make a judgment that people who say it a lot are insecure of trying to convince themselves they are in a loving relationship. I think that says a lot more about you trying to convince yourself if anything.

I would be a bit pissed off though if I forgot to say it before leaving the house and then got a text pulling me up on it.

As for OP, I think it is unusual and it wouldn't be for me, but if youre both happy then it isn't a problem.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 11:45

GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 07:28

But it isn’t one or the other, we talk about words and deeds, but it’s also deeds and words.

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Isn’t it deeds, not words?

That said there’s no harm in both. It’s just that deeds is clearly the more important one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 11:41

GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 06:53

You seem to think that telling someone devalues the sentiment or even the relationship. Is that true? Or is it different for you.

Why were you surprised that your friend was dumbfounded? Did you genuinely think it is a mainstream position?

I don’t think it devalues it or adds to it.

I was surprised, yes, that’s why I started the thread. I didn’t think it was common or unusual.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 07/06/2025 11:40

GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 06:43

How would you respond if he said today “I know it’s taken a long time to get there, but I love you.”

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‘What do you mean it’s taken a long time?!’

OP posts:
JHound · 07/06/2025 11:34

Not odd at all. Some people feel umcomfortable verbalising their emotions and that’s fine.

Kazzybingbong · 07/06/2025 11:23

I can’t imagine not telling my husband and daughter that I love them. We say it all the time, sometimes just out the blue.

For example, my husband works so hard so I don’t have to and he pays for my daughter’s pony each month. I told him I loved him so much for everything he does for us. It would be weird not to express how I feel.

feelingbleh · 07/06/2025 11:13

GuevarasBeret · 07/06/2025 07:28

But it isn’t one or the other, we talk about words and deeds, but it’s also deeds and words.

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I don't mean its one or the other I'm saying it's more important to show love then repeatedly say it until the word loses all meaning

SwingTheMonkey · 07/06/2025 09:21

I think suggesting that someone who tells their partner they love them frequently is trying to convince themselves their relationship is good, or that it somehow devalues the sentiment, is as silly as suggesting someone who doesn’t tell their partner they love them isn’t in a proper relationship.

gannett · 07/06/2025 08:11

DP and I have said "I love you" to each other but usually when drunk and soppy. We don't really say it habitually. But I've never felt as loved in my life, and that's something you know in your bones. We're both cynical cold fish and that's OK and we suit each other. I don't think I really place importance on what people say - in my experience people say any old shit and it's actions that are real, and he certainly shows love in the ways that matter. I hope I do too.

If I put my therapist hat on I would link it to growing up in a household where "I love you" was used as a means of control by my parents, so it doesn't really have positive connotations for me.

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