To never tell partner I love him?

I do find it a bit odd tbh. It took over 2 years of dating for my DH and I to say I love you and we still only say it occasionally (maybe once or twice a week). So I understand waiting to be sure, not wanting to cheapen the words by saying them too early or often etc.

What I find strange is that you haven't said it at all, not even once. Also that you haven't asked him if he wants to move in (or told him that you don't want to), or talked about if marriage is important to either of you, confirmed that you don't want children etc.

Leaving so much unspoken surely opens you up to a lot of potential misunderstandings? And surely if it's not a big deal to you then you could have a quick 5 minute conversation and it's all sorted. The fact that you're avoiding it makes me think it's actually a very big deal to you and for whatever reason you don't feel comfortable enough to raise the subject.

Ultimately it's your life and your relationship. You do you, but I'm not surprised your friend was taken aback.

Which this is.

An enduring FWB arrangement with no intention or inclination to change it.

You are happy, he’s happy. All good.

I wouldn’t necessarily tell a FWB I loved them either to be honest.

Honestly that would be the kind of romance I could deal with! I love that for you. You sound like you have a happy, healthy, highly-compatible relationship.

I feel suffocated by constant "I love you"s in relationships & any gushy type paragraphs. I do say it occassionally, but it doesn't come easily. In past relationships the words have ALWAYS been cancelled out by hurtful/damaging actions. I would take honesty & trust over "I love you" anyday.

I was brought up very rarely hearing the words, but I FELT I was loved. My mom actually only started saying it at the end of phonecalls in the year or so before she died (3 years ago). I don't remember my dad ever saying it. I do make a point of telling him now, but it feels a bit awkward. We've never been an emotionally open family tbh, varying neurodiversity probably affects that.

BUT, I do tell my kids I love them, along with showing it through actions. It feels way more natural than it ever has saying it to another adult.

Not on mumsnet… never a middle ground. Always one or the other, and the “other” is invariably wrong / weird

Surely there’s middle ground though between telling someone you love them all the Tim’e and having never said it?

We’ve had several threads here over the years where a poster has said that their partner has never said it, and the responses are typically that it’s not the norm.

I always tell my dc I love them, I don’t say it constantly to my partner but I do say it.

But if someone has never said it ever then I would conclude thawhile there are feelings there, those aren’t love.

No. Dh and I tell each other we love each other frequently. Possibly 7/10 text messages we send each other ends in ‘love you’. The other 3, I’m not wondering if he still loves me because I’m not 15.

So the two of you are very affectionate? Sorry not clear

Has anyone ever said to you “love you” every time you walk out the door?

It doesn't work like that at all! I don't suddenly think OMG DH doesn't love me (because he had to rush out) - if anything, the reverse is true, and no more so than if we have an argument as 99.99% of people do. In the back of my mind, even if I'm temporarily pissed off with him, I know we both still care and it's just a temporary situation. And it makes you want to make up, to restore harmony (We can't stand conflict). I grew up never being told I was loved, and for a child, having to guess that is really unfair, so all those I love never need to guess. It does shape your thinking. But we're all different,

My parents never told me they loved me growing up

In fact, from the age of 5 (when my dad left us) until I left home at 18, my mother told me every single day "you are too much like your father, I hate you".

Obviously, this has a profound effect on me, and as a result, every single time I see or speak to my own (now adult) children, I tell them that I love them. I do the same with my partner (we don't live together either).

Not only do I make sure to tell them that I love them (so I'm safe in the knowledge that I'm doing the exact opposite of what my mother did to me), but I feel, probably irrationally, that if I don't say it and something terrible were to happen to one of us before I got to speak to them again, they could think that I no longer loved them, so I don't take that chance.

Even if they've done something I may not like, I'll tell them that "I don't like you much right now, but I still love you", which will usually elicit some kind of remorse from them, either immediately or the next time I speak with them.

We’re the same. I just think it sounds a bit cringe, we’ve been together 36 years since I was 14.

For me, I couldn't imagine not saying I love you frequently and freely to my partner; however as long as you are both happy and the relationship is healthy then I can't see that there's anything wrong with not! I presume you're both on the same page with it, so it's hardly anyone else's business.
My mum very rarely told me she loved me as a kid, but I have zero doubt that she does and is proud of me.

My husband told me he loved me every day - we are now getting a divorce … saying it and showing it are 2 different things. Words are easy; actions harder so go with the actions !

My Dad always told me he loved me but my Mam never did. I know she does though, but unlike with you, it has always hurt. Especially since my Dad died.

I tell my kids (& DH) that I love them every day. When my kids sometimes tell her they love her like they do with other set of GP, it’s very awkward and she just can’t say it back. Sad for them really. And for her, because she adores them completely.

We tell each other multiple times a day, and it doesn’t lose meaning. I tell my mother, siblings and dc that I love them too.

My df never said it. I tried out telling him that I loved him as a young adult and he was so horrifically uncomfortable that I never said it again, until he died. He had other ways of expressing himself and I don’t doubt that he loved me, in his way, but it would be a deal breaker for me in a partner.

I definitely don’t think words are meaningless. My teen ds disputes it with me “no you don’t or you’d let me [fill in the blank]” but I’d much rather he remember me as someone who said it too much, than the person who never said it at all.

If you’re both content and happy in your relationship, that’s the main thing.

We tell each other multiple times a day.
It's only weird if you feel its weird. It's unusual, but if you are happy, then that's OK.

I'm of the opinion that the people who say "love you" every time they walk out the door or end a phone call are more odd. Surely it loses all meaning? And therefore the one time you are rushed or forget, doesn't the non recipient start wondering if they are still loved?

I don't live with my partner. I still do things to help him out, cook for him ( and vice versa) take trips together etc. Not sure what's so different to living together and doing stuff.

I have lived with people before and don't do anything different

I don’t think it’s weird you haven’t told each other.
I (58) have been with my bloke (59) over 14 years. I’m twice divorced. Three kids. He’s never married or had kids. We don’t live together although he spends three or four nights a week at mine. We’ve never said “I love you” to each other. We’ve never written those exact words in cards to each other either although have written things like “Love you loads”. He’s my everything. It’s been at a point in my mind for some years now that if I spoke the words it would jinx the relationship.

How patronising, the same old, you don't understand as you dont have kids 🙄.

Not everyone expresses their love verbally.
OP has said she felt loved by her parents and never questioned it.
The main thing is to feel loved.

I hear it a lot around me and it's mostly surface, no true meaning to it.