Page 21 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:45

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 16:29

I can see why OP is getting annoyed !
It differs completely from FWB ..
FWB owe no loyalty to one another , if you read OPS post correctly you would see , OP and her partner are loyal to one another, so what if they don’t live together , have kids & all the usual bullshit we’re led to believe we should be doing relationships wise to lead to a “happy “ “fulfilled “ life !🙄..
She has a partner , they’re happy out , their living arrangements suit them, & I’m pretty sure would suit plenty more if they could go back & do things differently…

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Thank you. I really didn’t think that people would struggle with the concept of a relationship where you don’t live together. It’s like a desperation to insist not wanting to live together means you’re FWB. Very strange.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:44

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 16:22

Brace yourself!

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This poster is actually answering the question I asked, not wildly speculating and making things up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:43

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:25

At the risk of being rude (certainly don’t mean to be), but do your families understand your relationship? For example, if one of you were in an accident and very poorly in hospital with ‘family only’ visitation, would your families know to let you visit each other?

Edited

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Yes, they would. He knows my family well. I know his less well but they know we’re together.

OP posts:

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 16:29

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:15

The questions are odd and clearly a reflection of your inability to understand that not everyone wants to follow a traditional path of living together, marriage and kids, with you declaring that without these things it must be FWB. You’re rude.

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I can see why OP is getting annoyed !
It differs completely from FWB ..
FWB owe no loyalty to one another , if you read OPS post correctly you would see , OP and her partner are loyal to one another, so what if they don’t live together , have kids & all the usual bullshit we’re led to believe we should be doing relationships wise to lead to a “happy “ “fulfilled “ life !🙄..
She has a partner , they’re happy out , their living arrangements suit them, & I’m pretty sure would suit plenty more if they could go back & do things differently…

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:25

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:45

He has said many times that he doesn’t want children. Since before we were together.

We vaguely discussed once that if we ever moved in together it would be a detached house with enough room for us to have our own sitting room and bathroom. We have never had any serious chat about it because we are happy as we are.

I’m not sure why it’s upsetting so many posters to hear that people can be in a happy relationship without having to live together or get married or have prescribed conversations.

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At the risk of being rude (certainly don’t mean to be), but do your families understand your relationship? For example, if one of you were in an accident and very poorly in hospital with ‘family only’ visitation, would your families know to let you visit each other?

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 16:22

YouMustBeTheWeasleys · 08/06/2025 16:20

I think it’s very strange - I didn’t grow up in an “I love you” household but my husband and I say it to each other all the time, multiple times a day in fact. It’s not always a staring into the eyes heartfelt “I love you” but our days are punctuated by “love yous” when we leave the house, when someone brings someone else a drink, when someone does stuff around the house, when someone does something silly you have fondness for and you might say something like “oh you’re so silly I do love you” or whatever.

My family have actually got better at the “I love yous” now we are all adults.

Brace yourself!

YouMustBeTheWeasleys · 08/06/2025 16:20

I think it’s very strange - I didn’t grow up in an “I love you” household but my husband and I say it to each other all the time, multiple times a day in fact. It’s not always a staring into the eyes heartfelt “I love you” but our days are punctuated by “love yous” when we leave the house, when someone brings someone else a drink, when someone does stuff around the house, when someone does something silly you have fondness for and you might say something like “oh you’re so silly I do love you” or whatever.

My family have actually got better at the “I love yous” now we are all adults.

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 16:17

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:15

The questions are odd and clearly a reflection of your inability to understand that not everyone wants to follow a traditional path of living together, marriage and kids, with you declaring that without these things it must be FWB. You’re rude.

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oh dear

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:15

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:51

Chill out OP.

you said you’ve never spoken about living together or getting married. So I was wondering if you’d actually spoken about being exclusive.

You answered 🤷‍♀️

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The questions are odd and clearly a reflection of your inability to understand that not everyone wants to follow a traditional path of living together, marriage and kids, with you declaring that without these things it must be FWB. You’re rude.

OP posts:

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:51

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:48

Of course. Do you ask every couple if they’ve had a conversation about being exclusive or just the ones you deign not to be in a real relationship because they don’t live together?

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Chill out OP.

you said you’ve never spoken about living together or getting married. So I was wondering if you’d actually spoken about being exclusive.

You answered 🤷‍♀️

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:49

No one is upset OP 😆!

asking questions

you started a thread asking if “strange”

so reasonable to expect some probing questions! 😆

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:48

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:44

So you have at least had the conversation that “exclusive”?

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Of course. Do you ask every couple if they’ve had a conversation about being exclusive or just the ones you deign not to be in a real relationship because they don’t live together?

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:45

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:22

So he has said

i never want children
I never want to move in together
I never want to marry you

or instead you think you know him well enough to just… know?

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He has said many times that he doesn’t want children. Since before we were together.

We vaguely discussed once that if we ever moved in together it would be a detached house with enough room for us to have our own sitting room and bathroom. We have never had any serious chat about it because we are happy as we are.

I’m not sure why it’s upsetting so many posters to hear that people can be in a happy relationship without having to live together or get married or have prescribed conversations.

OP posts:

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:44

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:39

Friends with benefits aren’t in exclusive, committed relationships. You either don’t understand the term, or you’re being rude.

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So you have at least had the conversation that “exclusive”?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 15:39

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:21

Huh?

how does this differ from FWB? (I quote from another poster)…,

Neither have ever said I love you. I suspect even the posters here saying they have been married many years and don’t say it… have said it in the past

Also that you haven't asked him if he wants to move in (or told him that you don't want to), or talked about if marriage is important to either of you or confirmed that you don't want children

i mean I don’t see how it’s rude to say this is a FWB scenario. A friend you love, sure, but have a few friends I definitely do love too.

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Friends with benefits aren’t in exclusive, committed relationships. You either don’t understand the term, or you’re being rude.

OP posts:

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:22

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 12:39

When did I say I hadn’t confirmed he didn’t want children? I know he doesn’t want children. I have known him for 20 years.

There have been no misunderstandings, no arguments, no upset. I’m not sure if you’re projecting or something, but you are inventing issues which aren’t there.

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So he has said

i never want children
I never want to move in together
I never want to marry you

or instead you think you know him well enough to just… know?

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 15:21

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 12:35

No, it’s not. How extraordinarily rude.

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Huh?

how does this differ from FWB? (I quote from another poster)…,

Neither have ever said I love you. I suspect even the posters here saying they have been married many years and don’t say it… have said it in the past

Also that you haven't asked him if he wants to move in (or told him that you don't want to), or talked about if marriage is important to either of you or confirmed that you don't want children

i mean I don’t see how it’s rude to say this is a FWB scenario. A friend you love, sure, but have a few friends I definitely do love too.

CommonAsMucklowe · 08/06/2025 15:05

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:16

My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them,

surely you know that that is certainly not “normal”?

Do you have children yet op?

Edited

My mum and dad never told me that either and vice versa. We were not huggers either. Only started hugging my mum goodbye recently (she's 75) as she's had cancer, it feels really weird to me. However, I was very much huggy with my own DS.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 13:28

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:26

You asked if it's "weird" or "strange". I answered. You've clearly got offended. Don't understand why tbh.

Live your life the way you want to, OP, there's no point getting snippy with random posters online.

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Yes, that we’ve never told each other we love each other. Not the made up bits posters have added later.

OP posts:

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:26

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 13:23

Reread my OP and you’ll know why. I wasn’t asking for unsolicited comments on what conversations I should be having with my partner or whether posters think these conversations are a big deal to me.

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You asked if it's "weird" or "strange". I answered. You've clearly got offended. Don't understand why tbh.

Live your life the way you want to, OP, there's no point getting snippy with random posters online.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 13:23

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:17

Ok. Then I'm wondering why you bothered posting on aibu?

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Reread my OP and you’ll know why. I wasn’t asking for unsolicited comments on what conversations I should be having with my partner or whether posters think these conversations are a big deal to me.

OP posts:

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:17

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 13:14

Neither of us know what will happen in ten years’ time. For now, we’re happy. If a day should come that one of us wants to move in with the other, we can have a conversation then.

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Ok. Then I'm wondering why you bothered posting on aibu?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 13:14

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:02

I never said there were arguments or upset. What I meant by misunderstandings is that you might be thinking "we're both happy to never live together" while he might be thinking "we might move in together in 10 years time" for example.

I stand by the fact that if these conversations aren't a big deal, they can be had very casually and be over in 2 minutes. The fact that they haven't happened in over 5 years makes it seem like a forbidden topic. That's what I find a bit strange.

But like I said, you do you, obviously.

Neither of us know what will happen in ten years’ time. For now, we’re happy. If a day should come that one of us wants to move in with the other, we can have a conversation then.

OP posts:

BIossomtoes · 08/06/2025 13:06

We tell one another we love them every single day so this feels odd to me. It’s not my place to judge anyone else’s relationship though.

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 13:02

I never said there were arguments or upset. What I meant by misunderstandings is that you might be thinking "we're both happy to never live together" while he might be thinking "we might move in together in 10 years time" for example.

I stand by the fact that if these conversations aren't a big deal, they can be had very casually and be over in 2 minutes. The fact that they haven't happened in over 5 years makes it seem like a forbidden topic. That's what I find a bit strange.

But like I said, you do you, obviously.