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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
minnienono · 08/06/2025 17:51

I don’t say it much, actions speak far louder than words! The couples I know who are saying it in public (and via social media) never last long!

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:51

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:50

I think Nevertea is just a troll. Bless her.

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A troll is someone that makes stuff up? That was my understanding?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:50

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:46

How have you missed the point I’m making ???
My Point being , you ask a simple question on this, & you are met with snipy aggressive answers back , like with the OPS question here , when there is no need for it …

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I think Nevertea is just a troll. Bless her.

OP posts:
Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:49

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:46

How have you missed the point I’m making ???
My Point being , you ask a simple question on this, & you are met with snipy aggressive answers back , like with the OPS question here , when there is no need for it …

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But that depends on the question

so someone asking for recipe ideas…. Odd to post about anything other than recipe suggestions

someone asking whether something as personal as a relationship is “strange”?… well there will be such a range of options and god forbid anyone actually say… yeah I do think it’s a bit strange.

but the overriding consensus is 🤷‍♀️ each to their own.

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:46

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:42

The Op asked “is it strange?”

presumably the women asking for recipe ideas wasn’t asking if something was “strange”?

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How have you missed the point I’m making ???
My Point being , you ask a simple question on this, & you are met with snipy aggressive answers back , like with the OPS question here , when there is no need for it …

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:44

I’m guessing he doesn’t know that your weekend on mumsnet has been discussing your relationship with him.

It was just a question op!

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:43

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:42

Well, you didn’t ask that.

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What? So you didn’t like me saying “tapping away on your phone”? Is that the particular issue? Because the question is identical

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:42

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:41

You’re so tetchy!

I just asked whether he was aware that you’d spent best part of the weekend discussing your relationship with him

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Well, you didn’t ask that.

OP posts:
Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:42

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:25

I’ve actually gone on a thread here , it’s a woman asking for ideas to change up her dinners , cause her husband has asked if they could try different dishes for when he gets home from work for dinner ..
Completely normal , simple question, but it’s met with aggression answers back !!!
It’s actually Mental !!
Tell him to cook himself & the usual thripe back 🙄.
My kids ask me regularly can I change dinners up , it’s completely normal family life ….

The Op asked “is it strange?”

presumably the women asking for recipe ideas wasn’t asking if something was “strange”?

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:41

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:12

🙄 There’s that rudeness again.

I went to his yesterday early evening and came home today early afternoon. But really, what has it got to do with you?

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You’re so tetchy!

I just asked whether he was aware that you’d spent best part of the weekend discussing your relationship with him

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 08/06/2025 17:31

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:25

I’ve actually gone on a thread here , it’s a woman asking for ideas to change up her dinners , cause her husband has asked if they could try different dishes for when he gets home from work for dinner ..
Completely normal , simple question, but it’s met with aggression answers back !!!
It’s actually Mental !!
Tell him to cook himself & the usual thripe back 🙄.
My kids ask me regularly can I change dinners up , it’s completely normal family life ….

Strange isn't it, the mind boggles sometimes.

People post for help, ideas and sometimes just musing to themselves, not to be shot down over a simple question.

So much negative energy over something that doesn't affect their lives one bit.

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:25

I’ve actually gone on a thread here , it’s a woman asking for ideas to change up her dinners , cause her husband has asked if they could try different dishes for when he gets home from work for dinner ..
Completely normal , simple question, but it’s met with aggression answers back !!!
It’s actually Mental !!
Tell him to cook himself & the usual thripe back 🙄.
My kids ask me regularly can I change dinners up , it’s completely normal family life ….

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 08/06/2025 17:14

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:10

Out of pure nosiness, has he been with you this weekend as you’ve spent it tapping away on you phone discussing the intricacies of your relationship?!

How rude, couples are not always joined at the hip.
OP has answered your many questions, why the vitrol!

You don't have to agree with her way but you keep poking.

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 17:12

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 16:57

Yeah it is weird ..
I’ve done FWB & it absolutely does not remotely resemble what you & your partner have together..
People go way off Topic aswel on this ..
What you asked was , “is it weird to not tell one another ye love each other “, I’ve already given my opinion previously above on that ..
People turned it into something completely different 🙄 …

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Conversations evolve

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:12

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:10

Out of pure nosiness, has he been with you this weekend as you’ve spent it tapping away on you phone discussing the intricacies of your relationship?!

🙄 There’s that rudeness again.

I went to his yesterday early evening and came home today early afternoon. But really, what has it got to do with you?

OP posts:
Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:10

Out of pure nosiness, has he been with you this weekend as you’ve spent it tapping away on you phone discussing the intricacies of your relationship?!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 08/06/2025 17:06

It's been 5 years so it's clearly working for you both.
There's no one right way to be with someone.

Your way works for the two of you so it really doesn't matter whether it would suit other people or not.

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:58

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:52

This is all very well until there’s some sort of dispute - who decides about DNR instructions etc.
You may be listed as next of kin by your DP, but legally you are not, and the family would trump you.

These are the sort of things that non-traditional couples often don’t consider, until it’s too late.
Sorting a will out is another.

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Oh and as dpfor family trumping unmarried partners as NOK what difference does it make whether you live together or not. Be interesting to see the legal difference

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 16:57

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:45

Thank you. I really didn’t think that people would struggle with the concept of a relationship where you don’t live together. It’s like a desperation to insist not wanting to live together means you’re FWB. Very strange.

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah it is weird ..
I’ve done FWB & it absolutely does not remotely resemble what you & your partner have together..
People go way off Topic aswel on this ..
What you asked was , “is it weird to not tell one another ye love each other “, I’ve already given my opinion previously above on that ..
People turned it into something completely different 🙄 …

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 16:56

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:52

This is all very well until there’s some sort of dispute - who decides about DNR instructions etc.
You may be listed as next of kin by your DP, but legally you are not, and the family would trump you.

These are the sort of things that non-traditional couples often don’t consider, until it’s too late.
Sorting a will out is another.

Show quote history

I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit who’s presiding over a DNR. At the moment it would be my father and his mother and that’s fine by me. Neither are likely to do something that doesn’t have our interests at heart.

Why would we need to sort out a will together?

OP posts:
FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:56

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:53

We both have advance directives so those wishes are already set in place.

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And we both have wills also. Its actually easier with that as we don't live together. Means property can go straight to our respective offspring rather than risking grabby kids trying to turf there parents partner out of a house as soon as possible so they can sell it

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:53

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:52

This is all very well until there’s some sort of dispute - who decides about DNR instructions etc.
You may be listed as next of kin by your DP, but legally you are not, and the family would trump you.

These are the sort of things that non-traditional couples often don’t consider, until it’s too late.
Sorting a will out is another.

Show quote history

We both have advance directives so those wishes are already set in place.

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:52

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:47

What an odd question. Both my partner and I are next of kin on medical forms. We don't live together. In a hospital situation you would describe he's the first person they would contact if it was me and I'm the first if it was him.

The hospital wouldn't even know any other family members phone numbers etc

Show quote history

This is all very well until there’s some sort of dispute - who decides about DNR instructions etc.
You may be listed as next of kin by your DP, but legally you are not, and the family would trump you.

These are the sort of things that non-traditional couples often don’t consider, until it’s too late.
Sorting a will out is another.

FedupofArsenalgame · 08/06/2025 16:47

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:25

At the risk of being rude (certainly don’t mean to be), but do your families understand your relationship? For example, if one of you were in an accident and very poorly in hospital with ‘family only’ visitation, would your families know to let you visit each other?

Edited
Show quote history

What an odd question. Both my partner and I are next of kin on medical forms. We don't live together. In a hospital situation you would describe he's the first person they would contact if it was me and I'm the first if it was him.

The hospital wouldn't even know any other family members phone numbers etc

Swiftie1878 · 08/06/2025 16:45

Tbh, having read your answers to my questions and your other updates, I do find it quite weird. It’s certainly unusual.
But, so what? You do you! 😊

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