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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 20:41

You’ve repeatedly and forcefully told a bunch of strangers that “I love him”
but not once in 5 years actually said or written the words to him.

Yep, it’s that which I find strange

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 20:00

WolfFoxHare · 08/06/2025 19:42

Well, perhaps this might be stating the bleeding obvious, but it is possible to do both. DH makes me feel very loved and cherished. But he also tells me he loves me all the time, and we’ve been together 12 years.

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Yeah and that’s great. I just think it’s the how he makes you feel which is a lot more important than what’s said, but obviously no harm if it’s both.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:59

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 19:37

She only got annoyed with the poster that said her relationship was more FWB , which obviously it’s not ..

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Thank you! It is the modus operandi of some posters on Mumsnet. Be exceptionally rude and then act offended when the OP replies in kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:58

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:36

Why pleased? You know your parents loved you. Isn’t that enough? So why would you be pleased you aren’t the only one?

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Oh for god’s sake 😂

OP posts:
WolfFoxHare · 08/06/2025 19:42

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:01

This is exactly what I think. The words can be said by anyone. It’s the actions that count.

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Well, perhaps this might be stating the bleeding obvious, but it is possible to do both. DH makes me feel very loved and cherished. But he also tells me he loves me all the time, and we’ve been together 12 years.

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 19:37

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 19:13

The OP is the one being snippy and aggressive.

She's angry because posters dare to stray slightly beyond her "is it strange we don't say I love you" question to encompass the status of her relationship. But without knowing the status of her relationship it's hard to judge whether it's strange or not that they don't say I love you.

There's no point posting on aibu unless you're willing to be told you're being a bit unreasonable or that people disagree with you.

In fact plenty of posters have actually agreed with the OP so it's not like she's been inundated with criticism. There's no need for her to be rude.

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She only got annoyed with the poster that said her relationship was more FWB , which obviously it’s not ..

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:36

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 20:27

I’m pleased it’s not just me.

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Why pleased? You know your parents loved you. Isn’t that enough? So why would you be pleased you aren’t the only one?

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:28

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:24

I just don’t like those types of conversations.

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But if you’re happy to write “I love him” multiple times on mumsnet, I’m surprised you haven’t written to him at any point in last 5 years in a message “I love you”

as I say… it’s only your staunch “I love him” on this thread that I find strange given the crux of the thread

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:24

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:20

you are very happy to say on this thread that “I love him”

but you would squirm and shudder if you or he ever said in RL to each other.

That is the only thing I find “strange”

I just don’t like those types of conversations.

OP posts:
Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:20

you are very happy to say on this thread that “I love him”

but you would squirm and shudder if you or he ever said in RL to each other.

That is the only thing I find “strange”

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:20

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:18

I’m surprised on the basis of this thread tbh

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It was only a five minute conversation. It just got me wondering if it was common or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:18

Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 19:13

The OP is the one being snippy and aggressive.

She's angry because posters dare to stray slightly beyond her "is it strange we don't say I love you" question to encompass the status of her relationship. But without knowing the status of her relationship it's hard to judge whether it's strange or not that they don't say I love you.

There's no point posting on aibu unless you're willing to be told you're being a bit unreasonable or that people disagree with you.

In fact plenty of posters have actually agreed with the OP so it's not like she's been inundated with criticism. There's no need for her to be rude.

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I don’t mind people asking questions, although some of them are stupid.

I do mind being told I don’t love him and we’re just friends with benefits. It is those posters who are rude and don't deserve polite responses.

OP posts:
Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:18

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:15

No no, not tense at all. It was a friendly conversation.

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I’m surprised on the basis of this thread tbh

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:15

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:06

and what was her response? How did it all end up? Her accepting that whilst it was “mind blowing” to her, it was no big deal to you? Or… left a bit tense?!

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No no, not tense at all. It was a friendly conversation.

OP posts:
Thatsalineallright · 08/06/2025 19:13

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 17:46

How have you missed the point I’m making ???
My Point being , you ask a simple question on this, & you are met with snipy aggressive answers back , like with the OPS question here , when there is no need for it …

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The OP is the one being snippy and aggressive.

She's angry because posters dare to stray slightly beyond her "is it strange we don't say I love you" question to encompass the status of her relationship. But without knowing the status of her relationship it's hard to judge whether it's strange or not that they don't say I love you.

There's no point posting on aibu unless you're willing to be told you're being a bit unreasonable or that people disagree with you.

In fact plenty of posters have actually agreed with the OP so it's not like she's been inundated with criticism. There's no need for her to be rude.

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 19:12

CoraPirbright · 08/06/2025 19:02

My parents also never say it but it is shown/implied all day everyday. I think the first time I actually said those words to them was when I was getting into the car leaving our wedding!!

I don’t say it all the time to dh - just having it as something you say at the end of every conversation just devalues it imo. But I do tell dh quite often and he always looks slightly amazed and, rather sweetly, chuffed to bits so I would highly recommend it!!

That’s cute 🩷☺️

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:06

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:02

Something like ‘really? It can’t be that uncommon’.

and what was her response? How did it all end up? Her accepting that whilst it was “mind blowing” to her, it was no big deal to you? Or… left a bit tense?!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:02

Something like ‘really? It can’t be that uncommon’.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 08/06/2025 19:02

My parents also never say it but it is shown/implied all day everyday. I think the first time I actually said those words to them was when I was getting into the car leaving our wedding!!

I don’t say it all the time to dh - just having it as something you say at the end of every conversation just devalues it imo. But I do tell dh quite often and he always looks slightly amazed and, rather sweetly, chuffed to bits so I would highly recommend it!!

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 18:55

and she found it mind blowing.

How did you respond?

Missj25 · 08/06/2025 18:00

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:49

But that depends on the question

so someone asking for recipe ideas…. Odd to post about anything other than recipe suggestions

someone asking whether something as personal as a relationship is “strange”?… well there will be such a range of options and god forbid anyone actually say… yeah I do think it’s a bit strange.

but the overriding consensus is 🤷‍♀️ each to their own.

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..

Yes, you’d imagine a question looking for recipe ideas would be met with only just that, but nope
Lots of ones giving out about OPS husband
Ridiculous !

pestowithwalnuts · 08/06/2025 17:59

My parents never told me or my sister that they loved us
Me and dh would say that we loved each other several times a day.
Married 31 years...he died at the begining of April. The last words he spoke to me were " I love you too ".
I wish so much that I could still tell him

Don't leave it too late OP..you might regret it

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:54

minnienono · 08/06/2025 17:51

I don’t say it much, actions speak far louder than words! The couples I know who are saying it in public (and via social media) never last long!

I do use social media but I think I can count on one hand how many posts were tagged in together. But then I don’t understand wishing your kids, parents etc happy birthday and telling them how much they love them on social media when they’re not even on it to see the post.

I think some couples probably just like being performative but there has been occasions where friends have confided that they are having relationship trouble and I’ve been shocked because they look so happy online.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 08/06/2025 17:54

minnienono · 08/06/2025 17:51

I don’t say it much, actions speak far louder than words! The couples I know who are saying it in public (and via social media) never last long!

Is 27 years long in your scheme of things?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 17:52

Nevertea · 08/06/2025 17:51

A troll is someone that makes stuff up? That was my understanding?

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That’s another thing you have wrong then.

OP posts:
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