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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Treesandsheepeverywhere · 09/06/2025 18:50

Google grief! How has it got to people chucking out contraceptive advice 😱.

Bonkers!

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:58

Would you show him this thread Op? If only to have a chuckle over it together? Or because you do say that you love him repeatedly on this thread….Does that mean you’d feel uncomfortable with him reading this words?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 16:57

Weepixie · 09/06/2025 16:45

What would you do/say if it just popped out one day during a moment of passion? Apologise? Or laugh? Be embarrassed? Say you didn’t mean it?

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I don’t know. It just wouldn’t happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 16:56

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:54

I’m so sorry this happened

Given you are absolutely adamant you never want children and he’s the same, would you consider having your tubes tied? My sister did and said it was liberating

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No, I’m alright.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 16:54

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/06/2025 15:51

This makes me so sad for you as a child

I tell dd 8 every day that I love her. Sometimes a few times a day. Always at night as I tuck her into bed plus other times as and when

are you scared to tell him

Don’t feel sad for me! My childhood was fantastic and my parents were great.

Not scared at all, I just feel no need.

OP posts:
Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:54

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 16:53

It was.

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I’m so sorry this happened

Given you are absolutely adamant you never want children and he’s the same, would you consider having your tubes tied? My sister did and said it was liberating

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 16:53

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 15:29

Was it a contraceptive fail OP?

It was.

OP posts:
Weepixie · 09/06/2025 16:45

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:39

It doesn’t - it has never crossed my mind. I say plenty of other stuff to him in bed.

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What would you do/say if it just popped out one day during a moment of passion? Apologise? Or laugh? Be embarrassed? Say you didn’t mean it?

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 16:05

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/06/2025 15:51

This makes me so sad for you as a child

I tell dd 8 every day that I love her. Sometimes a few times a day. Always at night as I tuck her into bed plus other times as and when

are you scared to tell him

Yes at bedtime! Can’t imagine not turning the light off and saying “love you”

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/06/2025 15:51

This makes me so sad for you as a child

I tell dd 8 every day that I love her. Sometimes a few times a day. Always at night as I tuck her into bed plus other times as and when

are you scared to tell him

lilkitten · 09/06/2025 15:40

I first told DP I loved him just so he would know I was serious about him. He's not an effusive person, so I didn't expect a response, I just wanted him to know. He said it two months later by text, I know it was hard for him to say. Now there's an "I love you" at least once a day from both of us, sometimes many times, I guess from me it's because I want him to know it

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 15:30

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 14:24

Interesting that it’s a hurt to you that your parents didn’t say it. Sorry to hear that. It never bothered me at all.

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Maybe because you literally never heard them saying it
Whereas that poster heard it “very rarely”, so she knew she liked it when she did hear them say it?

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 15:29

Was it a contraceptive fail OP?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 14:24

CloverPyramid · 09/06/2025 14:04

I find it mind blowing to have never said it. My husband and I are the type who say it all the time, but I understand not everyone does. But to have never said it at all is very unusual.

Please say it to your children (if you have/will have any) even if you think they know it. My parents very rarely or never said it to me and it is a real hurt to me even now.

Interesting that it’s a hurt to you that your parents didn’t say it. Sorry to hear that. It never bothered me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 14:23

BrunetteBarbie94 · 09/06/2025 13:58

Very interesting. Sounds like both you and your partner are emotionally unavailable and hence your relationship works even though this would not acceptable to many people.

At least, you are on the same page together. The not saying ILY is very weird to me but you do you! Don't agree your relationship is FWB, it's the kind of relationship that works for you both.

My best guy friend is like this. I 'know' he loves/cares for me (20 year friendship) but I definitely don't feel it. Those are two different things. I have to look at his actions to know it to be true, its not like that with other friends and my family where I 'feel' the love. It is harder work but it sounds like that's what you grew up with so it's normal to you.

This isn’t the same as your guy friend. I do feel the love. I feel it from my partner and from my parents.

OP posts:
CloverPyramid · 09/06/2025 14:04

I find it mind blowing to have never said it. My husband and I are the type who say it all the time, but I understand not everyone does. But to have never said it at all is very unusual.

Please say it to your children (if you have/will have any) even if you think they know it. My parents very rarely or never said it to me and it is a real hurt to me even now.

BrunetteBarbie94 · 09/06/2025 13:58

Very interesting. Sounds like both you and your partner are emotionally unavailable and hence your relationship works even though this would not acceptable to many people.

At least, you are on the same page together. The not saying ILY is very weird to me but you do you! Don't agree your relationship is FWB, it's the kind of relationship that works for you both.

My best guy friend is like this. I 'know' he loves/cares for me (20 year friendship) but I definitely don't feel it. Those are two different things. I have to look at his actions to know it to be true, its not like that with other friends and my family where I 'feel' the love. It is harder work but it sounds like that's what you grew up with so it's normal to you.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:42

Swiftie1878 · 09/06/2025 13:25

Do you tell anyone for example that you think they’re amazing, or that what they’ve achieved is amazing?
Do you say that you’re proud of anyone? Or that they should be proud of themselves?

That sort of thing.

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I don’t tell people they’re amazing, no. I wouldn’t normally tell adults I’m proud of them either, although I would say it to my two little nieces. Funnily enough, being proud is one that my mother would say to me.

If you mean affection to mean gushy with words, then I’m not.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:39

Weepixie · 09/06/2025 13:33

that must take some self control from both of you.

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It doesn’t - it has never crossed my mind. I say plenty of other stuff to him in bed.

OP posts:
Weepixie · 09/06/2025 13:33

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:13

Nope.

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that must take some self control from both of you.

Swiftie1878 · 09/06/2025 13:25

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:22

What do you mean by speaking with affection?

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Do you tell anyone for example that you think they’re amazing, or that what they’ve achieved is amazing?
Do you say that you’re proud of anyone? Or that they should be proud of themselves?

That sort of thing.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:22

Swiftie1878 · 09/06/2025 13:18

I confess I find this absolutely fascinating.
Again, no offence intended at all, but do you think you are generally (considered to be) a bit of a ‘cold fish’? Do you speak with affection to anyone? Friends, siblings etc?
Or write with any affection to anyone?

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What do you mean by speaking with affection?

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 09/06/2025 13:18

Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:10

I’ve had the same with my friends. Lovely gushing paragraphs in cards about how much the friendship means. I just write ‘happy birthday’.

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I confess I find this absolutely fascinating.
Again, no offence intended at all, but do you think you are generally (considered to be) a bit of a ‘cold fish’? Do you speak with affection to anyone? Friends, siblings etc?
Or write with any affection to anyone?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:13

Weepixie · 09/06/2025 10:11

Op, so even during love making there’s no mention of loving each other? Neither of you have ever blurted it out even durung ‘that’ moment?

Nope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 09/06/2025 13:10

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 09/06/2025 09:20

Surely you can see that saying 'I love him' on MN or to a friend is totally different to saying 'I love you'.

These threads always fill up with people who act as if it's outrageous that somebody should think and feel differently to themselves. (Edited to add that I'm not directing this at you @Easyonaweekend)

I feel uncomfortable saying these kinds of things, and possibly even more so having them said to me. A friend recently told me in a very heartfelt way how glad she was to have met me. I was touched, don't get me wrong, but I found the situation extremely awkward and I'd have rather she hadn't said it.

Edited
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I’ve had the same with my friends. Lovely gushing paragraphs in cards about how much the friendship means. I just write ‘happy birthday’.

OP posts: