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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:50

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:43

Well that is easy surely

you buy a two bed and one of the bedrooms is used as a second living room

and you buy somewhere with two bathrooms

i mean… that is a two bed two bath room gaff op…. Hardly uncommon!

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I’ve got a two bed and he a three bed now.

I wouldn’t want to be sitting in a second bedroom using that as my living room 😂. I was thinking more somewhere with two proper, downstairs reception rooms. And, as I said, with enough room that either of us could have friends back whilst the other is in bed and not disturb each other.

OP posts:
Tandora · 10/06/2025 18:49

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:34

As sure as I can be. But if he wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think he did… I’m not really sure I’d care, if I’m completely honest.

I would never be moving my whole life for him. Not in a million years.

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Fair enough OP then you do you! Sounds healthy tbh x

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:46

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:42

Anyway, my only view on this is that it’s good you have found one another as whilst I could grasp that feeling uncomfortable with saying I love you when you were never told as a child is probably not uncommon as this very thread reveals, it is uncommon to be in mid thirties, 5 years in and have no intention of living together at all.

so my point is, it’s pretty great you both found someone very local, who doesn’t want to live with anyone, who doesn’t want children, and doesn’t want to ever say I love you!

I’m very lucky to have found him. After a few high emotion romances, this very slow burn grew out of a friendship we had for years before anything happened between us. It hasn’t had the intensity of a love affair, it almost snuck up out of nowhere, and it is great.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:43

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:39

I’m sure many people are very happy living together too. I’d be tempted if we were to buy somewhere that had two living rooms, enough noise insulation that either of us could bring friends back when we wanted, and our own bathroom.

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Well that is easy surely

you buy a two bed and one of the bedrooms is used as a second living room

and you buy somewhere with two bathrooms

i mean… that is a two bed two bath room gaff op…. Hardly uncommon!

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:42

Anyway, my only view on this is that it’s good you have found one another as whilst I could grasp that feeling uncomfortable with saying I love you when you were never told as a child is probably not uncommon as this very thread reveals, it is uncommon to be in mid thirties, 5 years in and have no intention of living together at all.

so my point is, it’s pretty great you both found someone very local, who doesn’t want to live with anyone, who doesn’t want children, and doesn’t want to ever say I love you!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:39

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:37

Oh you take the rough with the smooth when you move in together

yep… more causes to argue
but… when you love someone and want to live with them - the “smooth” is bloody awesome.

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I’m sure many people are very happy living together too. I’d be tempted if we were to buy somewhere that had two living rooms, enough noise insulation that either of us could bring friends back when we wanted, and our own bathroom.

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Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:37

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:35

Absolutely. I have no doubt that part of the reason we’re happy is because when we see each other we’re having fun, not doing domestic chores or arguing about them.

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Oh you take the rough with the smooth when you move in together

yep… more causes to argue
but… when you love someone and want to live with them - the “smooth” is bloody awesome.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:36

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:33

Do you live alone or with friends? And him?

We both live alone. We live about a two minute drive or ten minute walk apart, two streets away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:35

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:33

Well not living together certainly reduces the causes to have the odd tiff!

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Absolutely. I have no doubt that part of the reason we’re happy is because when we see each other we’re having fun, not doing domestic chores or arguing about them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:34

Tandora · 10/06/2025 18:31

Are you sure he does actually love you OP? My friend had this. They were together for 10 years. Then he dumped her just after she moved her whole life for him. Admitted that he didn’t actually love her that’s why he never said it. She just assumed that was him.

Edited

As sure as I can be. But if he wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think he did… I’m not really sure I’d care, if I’m completely honest.

I would never be moving my whole life for him. Not in a million years.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:33

Do you live alone or with friends? And him?

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:33

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:32

Thanks. We’re very happy, never argue, it’s all very easy, so we seem to be.

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Well not living together certainly reduces the causes to have the odd tiff!

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:32

Tandora · 10/06/2025 18:31

Are you sure he does actually love you OP? My friend had this. They were together for 10 years. Then he dumped her just after she moved her whole life for him. Admitted that he didn’t actually love her that’s why he never said it. She just assumed that was him.

Edited

Did your friend say it to him?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:32

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:29

No point aside from the two of you are clearly very compatible!

Thanks. We’re very happy, never argue, it’s all very easy, so we seem to be.

OP posts:
Tandora · 10/06/2025 18:31

Are you sure he does actually love you OP? My friend had this. They were together for 10 years. Then he dumped her just after she moved her whole life for him. Admitted that he didn’t actually love her that’s why he never said it. She just assumed that was him.

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:29

No point aside from the two of you are clearly very compatible!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:27

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:22

Yes he could just not care instead of shudder

either way… it’s a very compatible stance with fact you would shudder

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Well, okay. Not really sure what point you’re making.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:26

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 18:20

🤢

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He seems to like them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:26

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:21

Any of your friends or colleagues in their thirties,who don’t children, been with someone for 5 years and don’t intend to ever live together?

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Many who don’t intend to have kids or get married! I’m surprised you don’t know any.

Fewer who are in long term relationships but don’t live together.

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Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:22

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:18

No idea if he would shudder or just not care. He’s obviously happy as we are though.

I don’t think it’s at all unusual to not care about being married or living together if you don’t want kids.

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Yes he could just not care instead of shudder

either way… it’s a very compatible stance with fact you would shudder

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:21

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:18

No idea if he would shudder or just not care. He’s obviously happy as we are though.

I don’t think it’s at all unusual to not care about being married or living together if you don’t want kids.

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Any of your friends or colleagues in their thirties,who don’t children, been with someone for 5 years and don’t intend to ever live together?

BIossomtoes · 10/06/2025 18:20

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:19

I usually choose ones which reference me loving his penis.

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🤢

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:19

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:04

Do you intentionally pick out ones that don’t make any reference to you loving him?

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I usually choose ones which reference me loving his penis.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:18

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:01

I think half a decade in…. You can be fairly sure that like you, he would not be happy to read you saying that you love him.

Sounds like you’re very well suited, can’t be many people in mid thirties who after 5 years know that they don’t want to live together; never want children and would both shudder at idea of the other person saying “I love you”. But you have found one another!

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No idea if he would shudder or just not care. He’s obviously happy as we are though.

I don’t think it’s at all unusual to not care about being married or living together if you don’t want kids.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:04

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 13:53

I don’t say it at all.

I’m not engaged or married but I can’t imagine it making any difference. I don’t even put my name on his Valentines cards, they’re meant to b anonymous!

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Do you intentionally pick out ones that don’t make any reference to you loving him?

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