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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 14:40

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:32

If he did tell me then I’d just say it back. It wouldn’t be a huge deal. Just as it isn’t that he doesn’t say it.

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You don’t think squirming is a “big deal” you’d have to be a Hollywood actress to hide squirming surely?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:37

Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 08:42

Would you forward on details of a property if you did find one that was 2 reception rooms
And 2 bathrooms?

although given you’re “indifferent”, and think he’s the same, and both “very happy” living alone…. I don’t see why you would

What do you think indifferent means?

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:32

Weepixie · 11/06/2025 03:07

Yes, and that’s my point. It’s something that could still very well happen. And what then apart from squirming?

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If he did tell me then I’d just say it back. It wouldn’t be a huge deal. Just as it isn’t that he doesn’t say it.

OP posts:
Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 08:42

Would you forward on details of a property if you did find one that was 2 reception rooms
And 2 bathrooms?

although given you’re “indifferent”, and think he’s the same, and both “very happy” living alone…. I don’t see why you would

Deluxecoffee · 11/06/2025 06:11

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Deluxecoffee · 11/06/2025 06:10

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Weepixie · 11/06/2025 03:07

Nicecoff · 10/06/2025 06:38

Isn’t the point that the Op would definitely not be happy if it did happen? She’d squirm and feel very uncomfortable?

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Yes, and that’s my point. It’s something that could still very well happen. And what then apart from squirming?

Northernlights19 · 11/06/2025 02:57

I can't believe posters think this is just a friends with benefits situation because you don't live together.

OP, my late great uncle and his partner were together over 20 years. Very much partners in every sense of the word. However they never lived together. When he lost his sight, she moved in. Neither of them enjoyed this set up at all so she moved to the flat above him instead! I thought it was great! They still loved each other deeply but both enjoyed their own space. It's commonly called "living apart together".

I also agree that you don't need to tell each other you love each other, it's how you show it. For some people. For me, I like to be told I'm loved as does my partner...which is why it works for us. It sounds like this set up works for you and your partner so who cares what others think?

I have some friends who never tell their partners they love them and vice versa. They have successfully relationships/marriages and it's so clear from how they treat each other that they love one another. I wish you both a very happy relationship in the future

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 02:13

Clementine183 · 10/06/2025 22:48

I find your stance very interesting OP as it's so wildly different from the way I think... I would absolutely hate my partner not telling me he loved me and we say it quite a lot (not dozens of times a day, but certainly every time we see each other - when we go to sleep, when he leaves to go home etc.), and for me, working towards living together and marriage is an important part of the relationship. That said I'm now wondering if some of that stems from my own insecurities and wanting to "prove" that I'm loved and that I love him. You sound very stable and content in your own thoughts and I envy that in a way. Never saying I love you is unusual, clearly. But it's certainly lucky that you're on the same page and it also sounds like you don't have any doubts about either his feelings or yours, so all good in that sense.

The main thing I can't get my head round is, do you ever feel that you love him, in the moment? By which I mean, do you ever have those moments where you look at him or he does something that makes those feelings bubble up? I can't imagine feeling that rush of love and not saying it - it feels irresistible to me. What do you say or do when you feel like that?

I do have those feelings. Not just when I see him - but when I think about him too. I don’t know - I just feel a rush of affection for him and feel very happy I’m with him. Mostly I think I feel these feelings when he makes me laugh, or when he does something lovely. I suppose I either laugh or kiss him or hug him. But I never say I love him. But I do.

OP posts:
Clementine183 · 10/06/2025 22:48

I find your stance very interesting OP as it's so wildly different from the way I think... I would absolutely hate my partner not telling me he loved me and we say it quite a lot (not dozens of times a day, but certainly every time we see each other - when we go to sleep, when he leaves to go home etc.), and for me, working towards living together and marriage is an important part of the relationship. That said I'm now wondering if some of that stems from my own insecurities and wanting to "prove" that I'm loved and that I love him. You sound very stable and content in your own thoughts and I envy that in a way. Never saying I love you is unusual, clearly. But it's certainly lucky that you're on the same page and it also sounds like you don't have any doubts about either his feelings or yours, so all good in that sense.

The main thing I can't get my head round is, do you ever feel that you love him, in the moment? By which I mean, do you ever have those moments where you look at him or he does something that makes those feelings bubble up? I can't imagine feeling that rush of love and not saying it - it feels irresistible to me. What do you say or do when you feel like that?

FedupofArsenalgame · 10/06/2025 22:16

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:37

Oh you take the rough with the smooth when you move in together

yep… more causes to argue
but… when you love someone and want to live with them - the “smooth” is bloody awesome.

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What actually IS the benefits of living with someone though ( I've been in various situations covering most bases) and tbh can see the benefits of living with someone

GuevarasBeret · 10/06/2025 19:41

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:50

I’ve got a two bed and he a three bed now.

I wouldn’t want to be sitting in a second bedroom using that as my living room 😂. I was thinking more somewhere with two proper, downstairs reception rooms. And, as I said, with enough room that either of us could have friends back whilst the other is in bed and not disturb each other.

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Sounds like you need either side of a semi-detached.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:21

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:18

Even from your boyfriend?

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Oh no! I love being physically affectionate with him.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:18

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:14

Same with the hugs. I can’t stand them.

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Even from your boyfriend?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:14

Mounjane · 10/06/2025 19:13

My parents never told us (or each other I think) that they loved us. I haven't hugged either parent since I was about 10. They are happily married, we had a happy childhood- we just don't go in for displays of affection to each other.
I was quite uncomfortable hugging in general due to my upbringing and only now like hugging/saying I love you to my partner and children (although one of my children has autism and doesn't like hugs or I love yours either).
It doesn't matter! So long as you are both happy that's fine as it is.

Same with the hugs. I can’t stand them.

OP posts:
Mounjane · 10/06/2025 19:13

My parents never told us (or each other I think) that they loved us. I haven't hugged either parent since I was about 10. They are happily married, we had a happy childhood- we just don't go in for displays of affection to each other.
I was quite uncomfortable hugging in general due to my upbringing and only now like hugging/saying I love you to my partner and children (although one of my children has autism and doesn't like hugs or I love yours either).
It doesn't matter! So long as you are both happy that's fine as it is.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:10

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:09

Can’t say I’ve looked
and wouldn’t have thought you would have looked either 🤷

anyway I’ll leave you to it. It’s a very compatible relationship so all good

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I love looking at houses.

Okay, well thanks for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:09

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:07

So if he got a job opportunity that meant instead of a 10 minute walk from one another, you were… a flight away or a very long drive, I wonder if that would that be the end or would you do long distance knowing that always going to be long distance?

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I wouldn’t do long distance and he wouldn’t move to another country or area.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:09

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:06

Are you okay? You seem very offended by everything I’m saying.

I don’t know when you last checked the housing market, but houses with three+ rooms, two reception rooms, two bathrooms and large enough to not be heard by someone downstairs when you’re in bed are not cheap.

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Can’t say I’ve looked
and wouldn’t have thought you would have looked either 🤷

anyway I’ll leave you to it. It’s a very compatible relationship so all good

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:08

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:06

Are you okay? You seem very offended by everything I’m saying.

I don’t know when you last checked the housing market, but houses with three+ rooms, two reception rooms, two bathrooms and large enough to not be heard by someone downstairs when you’re in bed are not cheap.

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Offended??

OP I think the two of you sound very compatible and given you’re indifferent to living with him and yet very happy with current set up… why change what’s not broke!! How is that being offended!

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 19:07

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:34

As sure as I can be. But if he wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think he did… I’m not really sure I’d care, if I’m completely honest.

I would never be moving my whole life for him. Not in a million years.

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So if he got a job opportunity that meant instead of a 10 minute walk from one another, you were… a flight away or a very long drive, I wonder if that would that be the end or would you do long distance knowing that always going to be long distance?

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 19:06

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:57

Stick with it then, all good. No need to be “tempted” to move In together when you’re actually “indifferent”

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Are you okay? You seem very offended by everything I’m saying.

I don’t know when you last checked the housing market, but houses with three+ rooms, two reception rooms, two bathrooms and large enough to not be heard by someone downstairs when you’re in bed are not cheap.

OP posts:
Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:57

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:52

Thanks! The more push back I’ve had on this thread the more confident I am that it’s right for me.

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Stick with it then, all good. No need to be “tempted” to move In together when you’re actually “indifferent”

Antsytum · 10/06/2025 18:56

Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:50

I’ve got a two bed and he a three bed now.

I wouldn’t want to be sitting in a second bedroom using that as my living room 😂. I was thinking more somewhere with two proper, downstairs reception rooms. And, as I said, with enough room that either of us could have friends back whilst the other is in bed and not disturb each other.

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Again very easy

just two receptions rooms, loads around.

Anyway you said were “indifferent” as to whether you ever lived with him. Given that, and you like the current set up and he does too… doesn’t make sense to change it if “indifferent”. Why change when you have just said you are “very happy” with the current set up and clearly not hankering for anything more from him and vice versa

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 10/06/2025 18:52

Tandora · 10/06/2025 18:49

Fair enough OP then you do you! Sounds healthy tbh x

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Thanks! The more push back I’ve had on this thread the more confident I am that it’s right for me.

OP posts: