Page 13 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:15

i have said it to 3 different people.

First boyfriend at 18…. I said after maybe 6 months

second boyfriend at uni…. About 6 months again I reckon, maybe longer

My husband…. 5 weeks

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:13

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 17:09

I wonder if I’ve asked the right question really. Maybe I should’ve asked whether anyone else cares whether it said to them or not. There must be some other people in relationships who’ve never said it to each other. How long would couples normally give it?

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I think if you start a thread asking if any one is in a 5 year plus relationship and neither party has ever not once said “I love you”

it would be tumble weed

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 17:09

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 16:58

I totally get not saying I love you very often Op

But never? Never ever never? That is unusual (NOT strange and NOT weird!) as even if this thread includes lots of posters saying they very rarely say it or their parents never said to them or they have t said it to their partner in years…. But no poster has actually said the words have never ever been uttered between them

I wonder if I’ve asked the right question really. Maybe I should’ve asked whether anyone else cares whether it said to them or not. There must be some other people in relationships who’ve never said it to each other. How long would couples normally give it?

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Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 16:58

I totally get not saying I love you very often Op

But never? Never ever never? That is unusual (NOT strange and NOT weird!) as even if this thread includes lots of posters saying they very rarely say it or their parents never said to them or they have t said it to their partner in years…. But no poster has actually said the words have never ever been uttered between them

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 15:36

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 15:13

What bit of my post makes your feel suffocating?

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All of it, to be honest. The idea of getting texts to say that also someone wanted is to be back with me, the idea of wanting to be back with someone as soon as I’d left. It would be far too intense for me but obviously lots of people would be happy.

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Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 15:17

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:32

I can’t imagine telling my parents that he had or hadn’t said it.

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Well no, that would be odd in view of everything!

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 15:16

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:31

Because they were young when they married. I don’t know, I just think they will have.

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Oh, it’s interesting you think that they would told one another they loved one another because they were young.

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 15:13

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:30

This sounds thoroughly suffocating to me, but as you say, we’re all different.

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What bit of my post makes your feel suffocating?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:32

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:22

If you were my child Op, I’d just be happy you were happy and wouldn’t give a hoot that you’d been with someone for 5 years and he hadn’t told you that he loved you.

My husband though… I think he’d be utterly perplexed (privately, only to me!) that this man had failed to tell the most incredible living young woman (his daughter! 😆) on the planet that he loves her!

Edited

I can’t imagine telling my parents that he had or hadn’t said it.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:31

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:19

Why are you sure your parents told each other they loved one another? They never said it to their children and you never heard them say it to one another, and you don’t think it’s at all important or an actual indication of whether two people love one another?

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Because they were young when they married. I don’t know, I just think they will have.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 10:30

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:14

It suited me when I was 20, not sure whether it would have done in my mid thirties, but we are all different, and this sounds like a set up that works for two independent people, who enjoy spending time together, and that’s enough.

i knew i wanted more with my now husband when id get back from his to my own flat, and i all i wanted to do was be back with him, and then he’d message to say the same. And this went on for a few months, where basically my own flat just started to feel…. Well, and this sounds cheesy, but “home” sort of felt wherever he was.

18 years later… still does! But if I hadn’t have felt that, and loved coming back to my own place as you do and basically felt indifferent about it all…. Then no way would I have done. Having said that, I probably would have end it after a couple of years if I had not have felt like that by that point.

Edited

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This sounds thoroughly suffocating to me, but as you say, we’re all different.

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Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:22

If you were my child Op, I’d just be happy you were happy and wouldn’t give a hoot that you’d been with someone for 5 years and he hadn’t told you that he loved you.

My husband though… I think he’d be utterly perplexed (privately, only to me!) that this man had failed to tell the most incredible living young woman (his daughter! 😆) on the planet that he loves her!

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:19

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 19:10

I’ve got no idea. I’m sure they’ll have told each other they love each other.

I’ve always known I didn’t want to follow the traditional get married in my 20s and have children route my parents followed, and he’s known forever that he didn’t want kids either, so definitely a different path for us.

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Why are you sure your parents told each other they loved one another? They never said it to their children and you never heard them say it to one another, and you don’t think it’s at all important or an actual indication of whether two people love one another?

Sleepynose · 12/06/2025 06:14

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 19:52

Yep, that sounds about right.

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It suited me when I was 20, not sure whether it would have done in my mid thirties, but we are all different, and this sounds like a set up that works for two independent people, who enjoy spending time together, and that’s enough.

i knew i wanted more with my now husband when id get back from his to my own flat, and i all i wanted to do was be back with him, and then he’d message to say the same. And this went on for a few months, where basically my own flat just started to feel…. Well, and this sounds cheesy, but “home” sort of felt wherever he was.

18 years later… still does! But if I hadn’t have felt that, and loved coming back to my own place as you do and basically felt indifferent about it all…. Then no way would I have done. Having said that, I probably would have end it after a couple of years if I had not have felt like that by that point.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 19:52

Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 19:15

This reminds me of my (very happy) relationship I had at uni.

We live ld very separate lives, didn’t share a single asset, we would go over to one another’s houses, shag, eat, go out with friends etc. and Christmas arrangements identical to yours.

Edited

Yep, that sounds about right.

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Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 19:15

This reminds me of my (very happy) relationship I had at uni.

We live ld very separate lives, didn’t share a single asset, we would go over to one another’s houses, shag, eat, go out with friends etc. and Christmas arrangements identical to yours.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 19:12

Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 18:47

Do you spend Christmas together? If so, at which family home? or maybe just together?

No, we spend Christmas Day itself with our families separately. I usually go on holiday on Boxing Day till the 30th, then come home to spend New Year’s Eve with him.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 19:10

Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 18:46

So you and your partner are similar to your parents in sense that don’t say I love you, but as far the rest (move in together; marry; have children) definitely not similar!

I wonder if your folks said I love you to one another before they moved in together? Or married? Or had children?

Edited

I’ve got no idea. I’m sure they’ll have told each other they love each other.

I’ve always known I didn’t want to follow the traditional get married in my 20s and have children route my parents followed, and he’s known forever that he didn’t want kids either, so definitely a different path for us.

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Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 18:47

Do you spend Christmas together? If so, at which family home? or maybe just together?

Sleepynose · 11/06/2025 18:46

So you and your partner are similar to your parents in sense that don’t say I love you, but as far the rest (move in together; marry; have children) definitely not similar!

I wonder if your folks said I love you to one another before they moved in together? Or married? Or had children?

Lidrecycle · 11/06/2025 15:07

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:55

Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 14:54

* no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.*

best to have more positive feelings about moving in together than the above OP. But not an issue either as you’re both “very happy” living apart!

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Yes, we are very happy.

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Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:54

Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 14:40

You don’t think squirming is a “big deal” you’d have to be a Hollywood actress to hide squirming surely?

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I would squirm having an emotional, lovey dovey conversation. Not from a basic ‘I love you’.

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Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 14:54

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:37

What do you think indifferent means?

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* no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.*

best to have more positive feelings about moving in together than the above OP. But not an issue either as you’re both “very happy” living apart!

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Greybluepaint · 11/06/2025 14:42

Takinitgottobserd · 11/06/2025 14:37

What do you think indifferent means?

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This is weird

you have said multiple times that you are “indifferent” and love living alone

indifferent to me would be…. Not bothered either way. Infect you say that you think your relationship is so good because you don’t life together have have domesticity arguments.

so presumably if you did come across a property that fit the pretty realistic requirements…. You wouldnt forward on?

or maybe you would. However your DP doesn’t sound “indifferent” if *I don’t think he’s hugely keen on living together.. A good reason to move in together is if you both are “*hugely keen” to

Its a bit odd now I’ve read all the OP’s posts so I’ll leave you to it!