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Original poster

To never tell partner I love him?

760 replies

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 14:51

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

OP posts:
Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 16:07

The poster said her brother never said I love you and vice versa and they never lived together

that relationship ended

and in the new one he clearly did say he loves her as they moved in together, married and had a child together

where is the lying?

and what’s your knowledge of what is meaningful to your BIL or not?

Confused !

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 16:05

GuevarasBeret · 13/06/2025 16:04

of course, but she did believe your brother, who was lying.

He didn’t believe it was nonsense and just words at all. Those words were actually very important to him and he really did not treat her honorably at all.

I’m totally confused by this.

GuevarasBeret · 13/06/2025 16:04

of course, but she did believe your brother, who was lying.

He didn’t believe it was nonsense and just words at all. Those words were actually very important to him and he really did not treat her honorably at all.

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 16:02

It’s only the never that I find strange

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 15:32

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 15:00

You did see my follow up saying i was just messing with you?!!

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Apologies, not until after I replied.

OP posts:
Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 15:01

OP, it’s certainly not commonplace for a 5 year plus relationship of two people in mid thirties, I think you can agree with that? But it works for you, and that is all that matters

this

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 15:00

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 14:57

🙄🙄

Show quote history

You did see my follow up saying i was just messing with you?!!

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 14:59

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:45

Tbf she never had kids because she stayed with him. Presumably she didn’t have a gun to her head

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Yes, it is a massive risk for women to choose not to have kids because it’s what their partner wants. It’s not as risky for men.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 14:57

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:22

Anyone who starts a thread asking such a question, then proceeds to post hundreds of updates, repeatedly telling us that she really truly madly loves her boyfriend but just never said it in 5 years to him, and indifferent ever living with him

is gagging for said partner to say “I love you” to her and / or suggest they move in together

🙄🙄

OP posts:
Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:45

GuevarasBeret · 13/06/2025 14:43

Yikes!

My sister was the wife in that situation. My BIL is mud to the exes family, she never had kids because of him, and she certainly never forgave him before she passed away.

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Tbf she never had kids because she stayed with him. Presumably she didn’t have a gun to her head

GuevarasBeret · 13/06/2025 14:43

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:26

My brother was like this with his long term girlfriend…. The two of them didn’t live together after 8 years together and very doubt doubt they ever said I love you to one another , he was always “oh it’s nonsense and just words”

today is nearly 4 years after they broke up…. He, his wife and they 1 year old are coming to visit this weekend!!

Yikes!

My sister was the wife in that situation. My BIL is mud to the exes family, she never had kids because of him, and she certainly never forgave him before she passed away.

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:26

My brother was like this with his long term girlfriend…. The two of them didn’t live together after 8 years together and very doubt doubt they ever said I love you to one another , he was always “oh it’s nonsense and just words”

today is nearly 4 years after they broke up…. He, his wife and they 1 year old are coming to visit this weekend!!

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:23

Just messing with you OP! 😆

It wouldn’t work for me but it suits you so 👌

Celeryindip81 · 13/06/2025 14:22

Anyone who starts a thread asking such a question, then proceeds to post hundreds of updates, repeatedly telling us that she really truly madly loves her boyfriend but just never said it in 5 years to him, and indifferent ever living with him

is gagging for said partner to say “I love you” to her and / or suggest they move in together

Lucyliesdown · 13/06/2025 06:04

It’s two people in a relationship for 5 years

the op loves him and feels loved by him

neither of them have ever said or will say it (unless it suddenly doesn’t make you “squirm and feel “uncomfortable”!)

No plans to ever move in together (and never in a month of Sundays marry!) and don’t discuss it as a plan for the future. “Very happy” living apart and “doesn’t think” that will ever change.

OP, it’s certainly not commonplace for a 5 year plus relationship of two people in mid thirties, I think you can agree with that? But it works for you, and that is all that matters

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 00:52

Thatsalineallright · 12/06/2025 18:38

Right, well yet another thing that I see very differently then. I've had partners say they loved me and it's taken me ages to say it back - I've only ever said it when I'm certain.

Clearly words don't mean much to you - and I really don't say that to be rude, we all place value on different things. If for you "I love you" are throw-away words that you don't believe, then I suppose it makes sense that you'd avoid saying them to someone you care about. Great that you've met someone compatible.

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No, I don’t take that offensively at all. It makes a lot of sense. Words just don’t mean much to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 00:49

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 20:18

you seem pretty darn comfortable with telling mumsnetters how deeply you love him! 😆

Edited
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I do love him! Posting online is very different.

OP posts:
Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 20:18

Takinitgottobserd · 08/06/2025 19:24

I just don’t like those types of conversations.

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you seem pretty darn comfortable with telling mumsnetters how deeply you love him! 😆

Thatsalineallright · 12/06/2025 18:38

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 18:01

Well it’s polite, isn’t it? Their earnest little faces trying to tell you something ‘romantic’. Would feel harsh not saying it back.

Although the first one was abusive and it wasn’t worth it to try and do anything other than say what I knew he wanted me to.

Show quote history

Right, well yet another thing that I see very differently then. I've had partners say they loved me and it's taken me ages to say it back - I've only ever said it when I'm certain.

Clearly words don't mean much to you - and I really don't say that to be rude, we all place value on different things. If for you "I love you" are throw-away words that you don't believe, then I suppose it makes sense that you'd avoid saying them to someone you care about. Great that you've met someone compatible.

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 18:02

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:31

I wonder if your boyfriend has ever said it to someone in the past? I don’t suppose you’ve discussed though!

Nah we haven’t. He did have a serious girlfriend back in his early 20s so maybe he did to her. That’s his only other relationship so there won’t have been anyone else he’s said it to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 18:01

Thatsalineallright · 12/06/2025 17:28

Why say it if you don't mean it?

Words are only cheap and meaningless if we make them that way.

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Well it’s polite, isn’t it? Their earnest little faces trying to tell you something ‘romantic’. Would feel harsh not saying it back.

Although the first one was abusive and it wasn’t worth it to try and do anything other than say what I knew he wanted me to.

OP posts:
Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:31

I wonder if your boyfriend has ever said it to someone in the past? I don’t suppose you’ve discussed though!

Thatsalineallright · 12/06/2025 17:28

Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 17:24

The first time I said it was to a boyfriend of four years after I think a few months. I don’t think I ever once meant it. Then to a second boyfriend of a few months after several weeks and didn’t mean it then either.

And now I feel it, I don’t say it. Hasn’t thought about it like that before.

Show quote history

Why say it if you don't mean it?

Words are only cheap and meaningless if we make them that way.

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:26

to all three, I have meant it deeply

never more so than at 5 weeks to my husband

Original poster
Takinitgottobserd · 12/06/2025 17:24

Lucyliesdown · 12/06/2025 17:15

i have said it to 3 different people.

First boyfriend at 18…. I said after maybe 6 months

second boyfriend at uni…. About 6 months again I reckon, maybe longer

My husband…. 5 weeks

Edited

The first time I said it was to a boyfriend of four years after I think a few months. I don’t think I ever once meant it. Then to a second boyfriend of a few months after several weeks and didn’t mean it then either.

And now I feel it, I don’t say it. Hasn’t thought about it like that before.

OP posts:
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