Page 10 | To never tell partner I love him?

Takinitgottobserd · 2025-06-06T13:51:01+00:00

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did. I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing. Is it that strange?

Swiftie1878 · 14/06/2025 09:46

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 23:02

I suppose I’m struggling to understand how it couldn’t be intended to be long term. It’s just obvious. Does anyone who’s been in a faithful, happy relationship for five years think ‘I’ll just give this another few months then bin it’?

He is quite obviously not intending on going anywhere.

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Actually, a lot of people ‘bin’ established relationships if they realise it isn’t ’going anywhere’ or they don’t want it to go anywhere. Probably one of the main reasons people split up.

Clockface9 · 14/06/2025 08:43

Tandora · 14/06/2025 08:10

Yes but a tacit agreement is risky. There’s room for misunderstanding. One person might think there’s a tacit agreement and the other might actually be holding a very different set of assumptions

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I agree

All the posters saying that they very very rarely say it to their partners… have at least all said it once. Not so here.

Tandora · 14/06/2025 08:10

daisychain01 · 14/06/2025 07:22

Let's face it there are no guarantees in life are there.

Someone could say I love you numerous times a day and still have their head turned by someone else, up and leave without any warning. We're all working on trust.

Relationships are a form of contract and in the best cases the terms of the contract are clear, agreed and enacted, until such time as the contract doesn't work for one or other of the people.

that's the logic, and in fact within your 'contract' with your partner, if you both have the tacit agreement that you don't need to say the words "I love you" because it isn't your style, you don't need to, you don't feel comfortable etc, then that's fine and your life is in harmony,

but it shouldn't come as a complete surprise that there are all flavours of relationships with many needs that don't align to your needs. If it is so baffling and incomprehensible to you that other people have other needs that don't match your needs, it hints at neurodivergence not to be able to fathom that reality.

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Yes but a tacit agreement is risky. There’s room for misunderstanding. One person might think there’s a tacit agreement and the other might actually be holding a very different set of assumptions

Barnbrack · 14/06/2025 07:28

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 23:02

I suppose I’m struggling to understand how it couldn’t be intended to be long term. It’s just obvious. Does anyone who’s been in a faithful, happy relationship for five years think ‘I’ll just give this another few months then bin it’?

He is quite obviously not intending on going anywhere.

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5 years isn't desperately long, it's weird to me that you never had that 'wow I really love this person's moment and the urge to tell them. It feels really cold.

It wasn't said much when I was a kid and I always wanted to hear it. Kids like to be directly told things. I tell my babies how much I love them every day. My husband and I say it most days, not in a 'bye love you' reactiony way, in a cuddled up in bed at bedtime chatting or a hug in the kitchen while kids are in the living room or when one of us says something hilarious but weird in an 'i love you my weirdo' way. I can't imagine not being comfortable talking about all those deep feelibgs

Barnbrack · 14/06/2025 07:25

Takinitgottobserd · 06/06/2025 15:29

I’m indifferent to either marrying or living together.

We’re both in our late 30s, it’s been a long time since either of our first relationships. We’ve known each other since them though - we were good friends for years.

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It sounds like you could both use some counselling and are quite emotionally unavailable.

daisychain01 · 14/06/2025 07:22

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 23:02

I suppose I’m struggling to understand how it couldn’t be intended to be long term. It’s just obvious. Does anyone who’s been in a faithful, happy relationship for five years think ‘I’ll just give this another few months then bin it’?

He is quite obviously not intending on going anywhere.

Show quote history

Let's face it there are no guarantees in life are there.

Someone could say I love you numerous times a day and still have their head turned by someone else, up and leave without any warning. We're all working on trust.

Relationships are a form of contract and in the best cases the terms of the contract are clear, agreed and enacted, until such time as the contract doesn't work for one or other of the people.

that's the logic, and in fact within your 'contract' with your partner, if you both have the tacit agreement that you don't need to say the words "I love you" because it isn't your style, you don't need to, you don't feel comfortable etc, then that's fine and your life is in harmony,

but it shouldn't come as a complete surprise that there are all flavours of relationships with many needs that don't align to your needs. If it is so baffling and incomprehensible to you that other people have other needs that don't match your needs, it hints at neurodivergence not to be able to fathom that reality.

Tandora · 14/06/2025 00:42

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 23:02

I suppose I’m struggling to understand how it couldn’t be intended to be long term. It’s just obvious. Does anyone who’s been in a faithful, happy relationship for five years think ‘I’ll just give this another few months then bin it’?

He is quite obviously not intending on going anywhere.

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Fair enough; if you’re sure you’re sure. If I were you though I think I would just ask him x

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 23:02

Tandora · 13/06/2025 22:46

Do you really think that if you don’t live together and have kids that you might as well stop having sex and just be friends?

No of course not, you are misunderstanding me- or maybe I’m not being clear.

Of course you can have a committed happy relationship without living together and having kids, etc.

All I mean is you keep saying you know how he feels and that he loves you and he’s long term committed. But you haven’t asked him, he hasn’t told you, and his actions - while lovely- haven’t specified either way in terms of whether this is long term or not for him. So I just wonder how you can know without actually asking?

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I suppose I’m struggling to understand how it couldn’t be intended to be long term. It’s just obvious. Does anyone who’s been in a faithful, happy relationship for five years think ‘I’ll just give this another few months then bin it’?

He is quite obviously not intending on going anywhere.

OP posts:

Tandora · 13/06/2025 22:46

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:00

We could do any of those things and he could still leave tomorrow.

Couldn’t a happy , time limited , sincere friendship also contain all these things?

Do you really think that if you don’t live together and have kids that you might as well stop having sex and just be friends?

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Do you really think that if you don’t live together and have kids that you might as well stop having sex and just be friends?

No of course not, you are misunderstanding me- or maybe I’m not being clear.

Of course you can have a committed happy relationship without living together and having kids, etc.

All I mean is you keep saying you know how he feels and that he loves you and he’s long term committed. But you haven’t asked him, he hasn’t told you, and his actions - while lovely- haven’t specified either way in terms of whether this is long term or not for him. So I just wonder how you can know without actually asking?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:29

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:27

chill op
25 years down the line you still won’t have had to squirm because the words “I love you” will never have been said, and you’ll still be very happy on your flat and him in his flat.

it is all good

and yep, I may well be back he he

We have houses, not flats.

I do indeed hope we’ll both still be happy in 25 years’ time.

OP posts:

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:27

chill op
25 years down the line you still won’t have had to squirm because the words “I love you” will never have been said, and you’ll still be very happy on your flat and him in his flat.

it is all good

and yep, I may well be back he he

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:25

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:24

FWB

night

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Another term you don’t understand. Friends with benefits can sleep with whoever they like, whenever they like. You do not remain faithful to a FWB.

Try it. Might give you some happiness in life.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:24

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:19

I will leave you to it op.

line of duty season 6!

No you won’t. You’ll be back like a little troll moth to a flame. Just like you are to multiple other threads you’re on under different names.

I am sorry that you’re so unhappy in your own life.

OP posts:

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:24

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:23

You might give your pals a good rogering. If so, lucky them.

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FWB

night

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:23

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:18

do you mean why would you want to carry on doing that? Who knows

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You might give your pals a good rogering. If so, lucky them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:22

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:18

Op, it’s all good. I very much doubt that you’ll ever have to test that indifference to marriage. Or find that sound proofed two reception room flat! And you will never ever be forced to squirm as he says I love you to you.

rejoice!

😂😂 I don’t care whether it does or doesn’t happen. It makes no odds. I’m very happy. We are very happy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:21

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:15

How about you tell us what you mean by indifferent?

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Unconcerned. Those things are neither good nor bad. I don’t really care one way or the other. The classic, usual definition of indifferent.

OP posts:

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:19

I will leave you to it op.

line of duty season 6!

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:18

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:12

Why would I want to do that? 😂😂 Honestly your posts get stranger and stranger.

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do you mean why would you want to carry on doing that? Who knows

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:18

Op, it’s all good. I very much doubt that you’ll ever have to test that indifference to marriage. Or find that sound proofed two reception room flat! And you will never ever be forced to squirm as he says I love you to you.

rejoice!

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:15

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:14

I don’t think you understand what indifferent means.

Are you in a bad relationship yourself? It is clearly annoying you that other people are very happy not being in a traditional set up.

How about you tell us what you mean by indifferent?

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:14

I don’t think you understand what indifferent means.

Are you in a bad relationship yourself? It is clearly annoying you that other people are very happy not being in a traditional set up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:12

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:10

Or carry on having sex and be friends

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Why would I want to do that? 😂😂 Honestly your posts get stranger and stranger.

OP posts:

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:10

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 20:00

We could do any of those things and he could still leave tomorrow.

Couldn’t a happy , time limited , sincere friendship also contain all these things?

Do you really think that if you don’t live together and have kids that you might as well stop having sex and just be friends?

Show quote history

Or carry on having sex and be friends

Clockface9 · 13/06/2025 20:09

Takinitgottobserd · 13/06/2025 19:43

Yes I know, I can read. You’re asking so you can twist it, as you’ve been doing for the whole thread.

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oh Come one OP

go back to your early posts….
indifferent to marriage and even living together
very happy living alone
never ever spoken about marriage or love and a casual conversation about what flat it would take for the two of you to even consider moving In together (sound proofing and two receptions rooms!) in passing but nothing more

and now…. You’d be “tempted to move in together”
and you’d “probably say yes if he asked you to marry him”

you are in a relationship where you don’t say I love you to one another, don’t live together , very happy living apart after 5 years together, Indifferent to getting married and the two of you have never spoken about it.

All I’m saying is… the things you are indifferent to, really don’t appear to remotely be on the cards anyway