To never tell partner I love him?

It's become much more expected to express these feelings. But I have a very close friend who thinks it's a bit naff and neither she nor her husband are into verbalising their feelings. It is what works for them and they are clearly close. Whatever works for you both is fine. Sometimes it changes when you have children.

Having read the OP’s posts…. I very much doubt it!!

I wonder if since this thread the op @Takinitgottobserd has moved in with boyfriend and maybe even got married…. All without once saying I love you to each other?!

Someone who tells me I'm beautiful, who thinks I'm smart and who wants to do things in life that I want to do. That means much more than the L word to me.

me too.

but for me the L word is also rather nice too alongside. But if you had pretty bleak associations with the L word, I totally get not relishing the thought of its presence in a much healthier relationship than previously was the case

I meant that I was used to hear those words "all the time" so that's what I thought I needed. That that what was a good relationship needs.

But then I realised that I left my marriage because actions didn't follow. I felt that the words said were more platitudes (ie they're too easy to say without the actual meaning behind it) and what I have now is what I actually want. Someone who tells me I'm beautiful, who thinks I'm smart and who wants to do things in life that I want to do. That means much more than the L word to me.

I'm two years in with DP and we've never said these words to each other. It was hard for me at first,

when you say it was hard for you, do you mean it was hard for you not to tell him that you love him?

To me it's more "Don't fix something that isn't broken". I've had a marriage that seemed perfect on paper - someone who did all the right things.

But, and this is a big but, the actions weren't consistent with the words. Therefore I, nowadays, rate actions more than words. And I don't do things out of convenience. I do what I feel is right for me/us. So, if someone doesn't use the L word, but acts with gestures - like cooks food for us that he knows I love, holds my hand in bed, is interested in where I'm from and doing things with me - then I take that over someone that says the he loves me but who takes me for granted.

With time, I've re-evaluated what really means something to me. So I completely get OP.

No way would I even be thinking about blend ing homes in your shoes

Just to make it clear, his DC is adult and work l, and my DCs are at uni and one there soon. We are 50/50+. Still, no plan to live together. It's been discussed and we've agreed.

People will probably slate me for this - but my financial situation is better than DP-s, as well. I'm not risking that. Especially when things are great as they are.

Oof….. 2 years together and both have children, no way would I consider moving in together at this point! Not even for a nano second! Yep, I would do exactly the same.

Why wonder about how it'll be in 5 years time? I live here and now.

I'm 50. I've got my own property and so does DP. We both got DCs from previous relationships, and we're both very comfortable on our own. I don't need DP to have a good life. I'm with DP because he adds to an already good life.

At this stage in life, I know how quickly life can change. I've got savings for a rainy day, but I also know that planning too far in advance and not appreciating what is here now, can mean that you miss out on life. I've seen lives destroyed due to terminal illnesses in less than three years.

You are so offensive and obviously completely bored of your own life.

I wonder what your circumstances will be with your DP in 5 years.

how old are you out of interest?

So refreshing to read this.

I'm two years in with DP and we've never said these words to each other. It was hard for me at first, but then I thought about the 17 year long marriage I left, from someone who said that he loved me every day. Sadly his actions didn't follow through (not cheating or anything like that). Saying things are easy - meaning them and act upon them is much harder.

DP is just so caring. We see each other 2-4 days a week. We talk about most things, do things together (we do watch movies together 😊), have holidays planned over the next few months. To me, the little things, the rose from the garden as he serves me tea in the morning, means moee than words that follow some kind of script.

We don't live together and I don't think we'll ever do that. I want things to continue just as they are.

It’s unusual but hardly “fascinating”. Some people just don’t watch stuff in their homes. I know the standard evening in for most is wine and netflix or whatever but preferring to do something else is worthy of an “oh, really?” at most surely

You’re right

It’s a sign I’m the “blandest person in the world” because a couple for more than 5 years together have never watched a movie together eye much piques my interest!

I am continually disturbed by the absolute unquestioning reverence for the best-trodden path here

I mean OP’s situation is hardly even that out there is it and it’s blown peoples minds to the extent they’ve completely forgotten how to interact in a semi-normal way and are sending bitchy private messages like teenage mean girls

@Gingerbis you must be the blandest person alive if this minor level of deviation from the norm is “fascinating” to you

That's my question to you, OP. Why are you being so very confrontational? Why are you still on this thread if you don't like it? You're clearly very upset that people think your relationship is odd, or that people have interpreted your words in certain ways. Why, when you've said yourself that words don't mean anything to you?