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Original poster

DH wants horses

184 replies

Dreamingohorses · 06/06/2025 14:17

I would like some advice. For years my DH has been dreaming of owning a house where he can have horses of his own. He used to ride as a teenager and loved cross country but never had a horse of his own. Since I have known him (20 odd years) he has only however ridden on the odd occasion and tells me it is not the same riding someone else's horse. I have occasionally booked him a riding lesson as a gift but he never wanted to keep them up and said they were a waste of money as he didn't have his own horse and would rather save his money to fund this.

Anyway 5 years ago he announced that in the next 5 years we would be moving to somewhere with land so he could have his own horses. Over the 5 years he has worked hard and saved up enough money (around £400k in ISAs) to fund the extra this would cost and now the 5 years are up he wants to move.

However my concern is that he is seeing the whole horse idea through rose tinted specticles and I will end up being the one doing the day to day grind of sorting them out. In fact when I mentioned to him what a tie they are he said not to worry as there 'are always local people in the village happy to help out for free riding'. I said to him he should try helping out at a local stables or doing a horse share to see what it is like first but he would not even contemplate the idea.

I am wondering whether I should just let him go for it or not (he clearly needs to get it out of his system) but it could potentially be a very costly mistake as we would loose all the ISA tax advantages plus we are looking at over £100k in stamp duty.

AIBU in putting my foot down and blocking this move?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamingohorses · 06/06/2025 14:29

I probably worded it wrong regarding blocking the move as I don't think I could realistically do this anyway without us splitting up but I would rather he had spent a bit more time around horses and that his dream was grounded in a bit more reality. He currently works long hours and I pick up 100% of everything else to do with the children and house.

We already live quite rurally but without the adjacent land and I don't really understand why he doesn't enjoy doing riding locally without all the hassle of ownership. Maybe someone with horses can explain this to me as I am really not horsey at all.

OP posts:
Anotherparkingthread · 06/06/2025 14:28

He's been waiting 20 years, it's not some pipe dream he's just come up with this morning in the shower. I don't think you can stop it or try to prevent it. You have known it was coming and it's on you if you didn't listen or take it seriously, he's been saying it for years.

I'm a horsey person and your husband is right it is totally different when it's your horse.

Unlike kids and dogs etc, horses can be turned out and turned away to mature. Which means they don't need much looking after at all. You just turn them out on the land pop and check on them once a day if the grazing is good and in winter hay and feed depending on breed/age/how well they do. A bit of field maintenance occasionally.

Horses are happy just being horses and as long as they have other horses for company they really don't mind being left to do their own thing and just brought in for feet/dental stuff.

countrygirl99 · 06/06/2025 14:28

Why doesn't he just get a horse and keep it at a livery yard if he's so desperate for his own? A horse at a DIY yard would be much better than having his own place as a novice owner with all the maintenance and upkeep involved on top of the horse care. With his own place he'd need more than 1 horse as well.

Takersgonnatake · 06/06/2025 14:26

I think you are being unreasonable- but only in considering taking on the day to day grind! He has a dream and he’s saved hard to fund it, I don’t see how you can reasonably block it. But the warning signs are already there that he sees this project through entirely rose tinted glasses and early cold, wet and muddy starts 365 days a year will be a shock to his system. I’d be making it very very plain at this stage that this is HIS dream and HIS responsibility and whether he fancies a lie in or fancies he has man flu the horse will still be there and still solely his responsibility which you will not be assisting with. No way no how. He is a single man for the purposes of horse ownership!

DancefloorAcrobatics · 06/06/2025 14:26

PS, we have a 3rd dog because DH wanted his own as the other 2 are firmly bonded to me! It's worked out OK... but in the beginning I had to put my foot down very firmly!

DancefloorAcrobatics · 06/06/2025 14:24

Think about it: you only regret the things you didn't do in life. Let him have his horse. A move to the countryside can also have some positive benefits for yourself.

But make it clear from the outset that the horses are HIS to look after and pay for.

Bluebellwood129 · 06/06/2025 14:23

Why has he done all of the saving for the move? I'm not sure you can 'block the move' if this is something he really wants to do - surely he'll just do this without you. You seem very dismissive of his dreams.

Wirdle · 06/06/2025 14:20

Are you horsey? Does he have lots of free time?

Admirable that he's saved that money but that often goes hand in hand with hard work and long hours.

As an adult I now understand why my parents never let me have my own horse!

OverlyFragrant · 06/06/2025 14:20

Just let him go for it.
Yes he may regret it, he might not, but he will definitely regret not doing it.
Besides, you sound incredibly controlling. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, and he wasn't letting you persue a dream of yours.