DH wants horses

We have horses and they are one of life's greatest joys . . . but also relentless hard work and the expense is eye-watering - has he actually explored the full cost? It isn't as simple as buying some land and cracking on (sadly!) By the time you've paid for the farrier, vet, insurance, feed and comp entries it can be the cost of a second mortgage. Not to mention the fact that you often have to be around during the day to be there when the farrier/saddler/equine dentist show up.

Does he have experience in equine/stable/field management? I second those who suggest a horse at a livery yard would be a sensible first step - especially as you're not horsey, it'll give him the opportunity to learn how to correctly care for a horse at home and also how it'll fit in with your lives. DH isn't and will occasionally muck out when I'm away but I wouldn't expect him to pick this up routinely.

I ride and used to always want a horse, but for practical reasons, it's just never been possible. However, through my business I've been able to look after them occasionally and honestly, it's put me off for life.

They are amazing animals, but they're so expensive and an absolutely massive commitment in terms of time and energy. Has your DH really thought about the day to day practicalities? Mucking out in the pissing rain and driving wind? Planning care for holidays, or weekends away, or when he's sick? Getting up at 5am to sort the horses before work and being home early to sort them again before bed? How will it all fit around work, children, and you?

Has he been invisaging himself in the pink pony club a few too many times 🤣

How do you get your insurance so cheap please ? I’m paying 145 a month?!

Well the most important thing you have to do is tell him you’re not mucking out horses ever, and never getting up early to feed etc. Nor are you doing ANY favours ever related to the horses.
and then after you send him an email/whatsapp/text message saying exactly the same thing.

this is NOT a joint venture. It is not a kid or house stuff, he needs a stable hand/local person to do it if he has to go away with work etc

We have somebody come and stay at the house and look after the horses when we're away. It adds a few hundred pounds in cost to a week's holiday.

I don't actually know what the annual cost of the horses is but it's not cheap. Off the top of my head (per horse):

Shoes every 8 weeks: £120
Hay: £50 every 2/3 weeks
Wormer: £30 twice a year
insurance: £73 per month
Hard feed and supplements: £85 per month
Competition entry fees: probably c. £50 a month if spread over the course of a year

There are other things as well - increased car insurance premium for towing, a few hundred pounds a year on equipment and gear, the initial outlay of tack and equipment, veterinary bills falling within the excess.

It amounts to thousands a year. And it's well worth it to me! But it's a serious commitment, both in terms of time and money.

Also yes, horses don't like living alone. But the second / third horse(s) don't need to be competition horses. A retired pony or donkey will also do. Of course it will be the retired pony which develops cushings but somehow still lives to be ninety, costing you £300 a month in vet fees until you're in your dotage.

It sounds like the ideal solution would be for your husband to buy a horse but keep it at a livery yard on full livery where they will do all of the day-to-day care, mucking out, feeding et cetera and your husband would just need to turn up and ride. Then you haven’t got the hassle of field maintenance or doing them in the pissing rain on a dark winter tonight when you’re trying to juggle kids as well.
You’re right, it’s not fair or kind to keep a horse on its own so if you were going to have them at home, you need to have at least two so that they have some company as they are a herd animal. 5 acres would be fine for 2 horses. Shetlands make great companions and don’t eat much so a good option, but they do tend to be a little shits too, speaking from personal experience!😂
The average cost to run a horse will vary massively. I keep mine at home so I don’t have to pay livery but as an example I pay for my event horse, per month £16 health plan with the vets, £50 insurance, £110 for a set of shoes, £40 on hard feed, and £60 on hay. I have 3 other horses who are slightly less as they don’t have shoes or need as much hard feed.
Over the winter there’s bedding costs to consider too. You can get the six string bales of straw and depending on the harvest these are around £60 and could last a couple of months. Of the bedding is available but much much more expensive. You may find that some liveries will include hard feed hay and bedding.
You also need to factor in a fund for vet bills that aren’t covered by insurance, saddle fittings, physio, field maintenance/repairs if they are at home.
If he wants lessons then they tend to be between £30-£50 per hour depending on the instructor.
And if he wants to start competing, the fees are eyewatering. I event and pay on average £125 per entry and then the cost of fuel to get there.
Saying all of that though I wouldn’t swap it for anything and would highly recommend horse ownership if somebody is genuinely serious about it.

I’ve got three horses and actively encouraged my ex to get one of his own so, obviously, I’m all in favour of your DH’s plan. I’m surprised by the dynamics of your relationship insofar as your partner has finally got the chance to realise his dreams but you seem both to passively accept the idea but are also thinking about vetoing it? I can’t figure out how such a big move/lifestyle change which has been saved up for for years could simply be dismissed at the last moment? Has your partner found a suitable property? Or horse?

re costs, hmm, tricky to say because it very much depends on the type of horse, with “finer” horses breaking more often as a rule and needing expensive veterinary care, or at least in my experience of owning them as opposed to my native ponies. I keep mine out, although they each have a stable and graze my sheep alongside which helps with worm control. I reckon mine cost about £200 a month in summer and double that in winter, unless they need a vet but that’s only a guess as I daren’t actually work it out!

One horse isn't a sensible option, horses are herd creatures and need company... so you're really looking at two, possibly a ridden horse and a companion, or two horses to ride.

When you go away - you hire someone to come in and feed/water/hay/check legs - what they do depends on how your horses are kept. Some live out and you're looking at a leg check (should all have 4 each!), rug check if rugged, check they have water... the other end of the scale is horses who have to come in, be fed a meal from a bowl, haynets filled and put up, water replaced, mucked out etc etc.

He's not wrong that sometimes you can arrange for people to do yard work in exchange for riding - however the people offering that will be unlikely to be the people you would want riding your horses unsupervised (teenagers!) and you're likely to find your insurance won't cover having unsupervised teenagers handling your horses on your land when you're not there.

Competent adults you'd trust to do these things unsupervised will charge per day. (Probably a similar sort of fee to dog in kennels though).

Another option is sharers - where someone shares the horse with you, they pay a set fee toward keep, and usually have set days that they 'do' the horse and then its usually possible to arrange holidays so they get extra horse time in exchange for the yard work/looking after. But finding a good sharer who isn't a lunatic isn't always easy!

It is all possible and do-able... but I would ask him to think about what sort of horse, how he envisages them living, will they be low maintainance, living out most of the time... or higher maintenance partially stabled. I'd find out what it is he actually wants to DO with his horses -hack round the countryside several days a week or compete at something? The two are verrrrrrrry different lifestyles really!

the idea that others will do the job for a free ride seems like a pipe dream. I would refuse to look after one. we live in a horsey area and the work is never ending. Not like a motorbike you can leave in the garage for a month or for winter. Someone has to look after it if the owner goes away. Cost? like owning an expensive car. From Google but owners on here may disagree
The annual cost of keeping a horse in the UK can range from approximately £5,800 to £14,820. This cost can vary significantly depending on the horse's needs, location, and the type of livery chosen. Factors like livery type, feed, insurance, vet and farrier costs, and unexpected expenses all contribute to the overall price.

I agree that riding someone else's horse is not the same. Riding school horses are typically very non-responsive having been ridden by people who haven't got a clue what they are doing and it's very unrewarding riding them unless being 'out in nature' is what you enjoy rather than actual act of riding the horse.

Sometimes it's possible to find a long term sharing agreement but I suspect you have to be very lucky or wait a long time for the right thing to come up (or both).

Sounds like if you didn't want to make this move you needed to voice it a long time ago and now he thinks you are doing it so it would be very difficult to veto it.

Worst case he doesn't like having a horse, I am sure you could rent out the land so focus on finding a house you like in a location you like regardless of the land situation.

It does make a big difference, yes. The small paddocks have to be picked daily; the larger ones if they're managed properly can just be dragged a few times per year, if you have the weather for it.

He's dreamed of it ... Worked, and saved for it ... has enough now.
He sounds pretty determined to me.
I'm quite old now - and wish I'd followed my dreams.
I hope he gets the horses ... and I hope you love them too ...

I did read it, thanks and appreciate that logistics make a difference. When horses are kept on limited grazing (for health) friend was picking up a wheelbarrow a day of poo from two horses. If your horse has five acres and no risk of laminitis, perhaps it's not the same.

If you're not horsey, what makes you think you would be responsible for the horse's care? Horses take a lot of specialist care, it's not like feeding a fish. You wouldn't be able to do it without a lot of supervised practice first.

Having riding lessons now and then is nothing like owning your own horse, so I wouldn't take his lack of interest in the odd lesson as indicative of much. That said, if you think he's unrealistic about the work involved, it's worth having a serious conversation about it now.

Is he acknowledging and confident about the fact that every day there may be some combination of feeding, grooming, hay, water, mucking out, riding, rugging up, bringing in and turning out, worming, farriery, etc.? Does he realistically have time for this alongside his other responsibilities? If he's relying on help from others in return for letting them ride his horse, has he thought about the insurance he will need in case there is an accident?

If he is is serious about this and has considered all of these factors then I don't think you have anything to worry about - it's a long held dream of his which he has saved to fund and is taking seriously. If he hasn't considered this properly then having the conversation may open his eyes to it so that he makes a proper plan for how it will work.

I saved up to get a horse but what I didn’t do is then try and do it all myself from day one! Perhaps suggest he starts with a part livery option whilst he gets into the swing of things before he’s busy buying land and building houses lol! There are lots of things I didn’t know ( despite always riding) and other people at the yard have been my saviours many a time! I’d eventually like to have him at home, but I’m not there yet!

Some people hate livery yards. I hate the politics that accompanies them. Even the nice ones over a few years can get someone in who changes the vibe. I’d rather not ride than deal with livery.

Yes I said a bit of field maintenance, if you read my post again. It also depends how many horses on how many acres. Two horses on small cramped section of paddock taped off with a bit of electric fence will need cleaning all the time. 10 acres of proper pasture will probably not. Especially if the grazing is properly managed and rotated.

I would ask him to write a plan of how he thinks his typical day and your typical day will look post-move.
05.30 shower
06.00 check horses
07.00 commute
08.00 work
18.00 dinner
19.00 ride horses/maintain/brush
21.00 home

They you say, when will you see the children? When will you do your fair share of the housework? When will you do life admin/maintain house/see your parents? And so on.

If you are both happy with the draft schedule, great. But I suspect it will either show you that it's doable, or show him that it isn't doable without him sacrificing family time or you bearing the whole burden of running the house and kids.

The thing is it’s never ending
he needs more than 1 horse as they don’t do well living alone. Then you end up with 2 that are so bonded they hate being separated for riding so you get a third

money wise you may as well burn £50 notes

Every horse owner I know spends time poo picking. You have to be ok to do that kind of thing.

I used to be an avid horse rider. Gave it up about 10 years ago because I am sick of horse owners taking the piss. I have always said I want to go back to it, but will only do it on my terms- when it’s my land and my horses.

I understand where you DH is coming from completely. When you are an adult of a certain standard, it starts to lack enjoyment when you are paying over the odds to essentially train or bring on someone else’s horses, which inevitably happens when you turn up somewhere regularly and they realise you know what you’re about.

I will end up being the one doing the day to day grind of sorting them out.

I assume he knows you’re not experienced in horse care or riding so this just won’t be an option.

Beyond that, you sound pretty passive and disinterested in your own life and marriage. If my DH, five years ago, had brought up a five-year plan of saving his money with a goal to relocating and having a totally different lifestyle, I’d have been right in there, discussing and ironing out the logistics and planning a mutual dream which worked for both of us, and committing my own plans and savings to our shared future life, all these years.

Whereas you seem to have been completely disengaged and now seem surprised that it’s coming to fruition. That sounds like the bigger picture problem here, not horses themselves. It sounds as though you really need to get talking with each other, and about much more than horses.

This, this, this!

I’ve got horses, so would always advise NOT to get horses 😂, but he should he able to have one if he wants to and can afford it. No adult has the right to control another.