DH wants horses

It will only be you ending up doing the work if you do the work. If you say no, every single time, make sure he knows you will not be organising helpers, and point out that you were clear about this from the start he will have to do it. Do not enable him to drop it all on you.

Your husband needs to speak to people who keep their horses at home and work full time. Its bloody hard work, a complete money pit and a sacrifice on everh other aspect of your life. I can't imagine doing this without having had day to day care of a horse. In particular the lack of knowledge and having no-one to around to advise like on a livery yard would be major concerns.

Outside of the day to day looking after horses there is lots of extra maintenance at home, fencing, managing the land etc

You can't stop your husband but you do both need to look into what's required thoroughly.

And don’t forget picking up poo from now until eternity. 2 horses at least 20 a day!

I’d be making it very clear that this was all his responsibility and you weren’t taking anything to do with it. Unless you want to.

I feel for you OP. Is your husband always this pigheaded?
I respect he has a dream and saved lots of money but this is daydream territory. Has he ever experienced a winter owning a horse? If not, try to get him to do this before spending money buying somewhere, as it will put even the keenest horseperson off.
Yeah riding schools are boring but he should commit to this dream not just by saving money but getting riding and stable management lessons, getting a loan horse, keeping it on full livery with experienced people until he has a clue.
The care of the horse should be paramount. If he's never loaned, or shared a horse and wants to uproot the family and have horses at home with no experience, it will be a disaster for all involved.

It's rather mad imo.

It sounds like a complete phantasy if he didn't even want to learn to ride or do a share or loan for 6 months to get a feel.

Are you sure this is what you want too? Owning a horse is a lovely dream and can an amazing reality but only if you know how to look after them.

He sounds rather single minded. I'd love to read the update after a year if he and you go for it.

My main concern in this scenario would be does he have sufficient knowledge to be in sole charge of horses? Riding is only a small part of horse ownership. Would he recognise various ailments including lameness, colic, thrush, choke to mention a few, understand feeding requirements and diet adjustments, tack fitting, land management, routine health tasks like worming? What would happen if the horse was unwell or lame and require frequent monitoring or things like in hand walking/tubbing/cold hosing/ poulticing during the day? Farriers and vets generally only come out for routine visits during the working week so who would be available for these appointments?

Riding sporadically is really not the same as being totally responsible for a horse's exercise, schooling and fitness. What would happen if the horse developed a schooling/training issue?

In all honesty, I would suggest taking some regular lessons in preparation for ownership to get his riding up to speed and then loan/buy a horse and have it on a good livery yard where there is knowledgeable support for a minimum of at least a year, ideally longer to be fair to the horse.

Livery is definitely the way forward but I’d also suggest that there are often people with horses looking for short term support because they can’t ride due to an operation or maternity. They want their horse kept where it is and will bear the cost and health risk but need someone to do the heavy lifting and exercising. That would a) give him an idea of just how feasible that is around a FT job (without sucking you as emergency cover if offsite) and b) whether livery with his own horse is actually a better fit until he can start to reduce his workload.
lastly, cross country and all the bells and whistle is going to be much more achievable in a yard that already has a course, a ménage, etc. Is he proposing to buy a house, a horse, a horsebox and a car to pull one, build a cross country course all on day one? That’s huge money.

The trick for you is not sounding like a negative Nelly. Sounds great - shall we work out a budget? Daily timetable. - so you need to leave for work by 7, so that’s feed at 6 and turnout, shower and dress and get to the station in 60 mins. Hmm.? In the dark midwinter….

I've had ponies and horses all my life. They're a complete drain on finances, energy, a roller coaster of emotions when they break, have to be pts, jump out of where they're supposed to be, trample the neighbour's gardens etc etc. I'm 79, and on my last one now (in theory!). He takes up all of my considerable works pension, and sometimes quite a bit of my OAP money. However, they have all been a source of pleasure, pride in our mutual achievements over the years, and a host if happy memories.
I think that it's worth your partner giving it a go. Just try to ensure that he buys horses that aren't too much for him to handle, and that he budgets enough for their health and welfare needs. Insurance, veterinary and farrier bills, vaccinations, teeth , hay and feed, at a minimum. Him doing the basic BHS horse owners courses would also be a good idea.

I had horses growing up and he's 100% right, it's not the same having lessons or borrowing a horse. He's saved 400k for his dream, he really means it.
Obviously you have to be happy with the move and the new house, if you're not though, you probably should've said before he saved all that money.
I'd suggest, if it's just the having of the horse that worries you, maybe he loans two - that way if it's not working out they can go back to their old owners stress and cost free and then rent any land or stables out to other people. In terms of holidays, we just paid an equine sitting company (same principle as dog walkera/boarders). You can also find places to take your horse with you on hols. It is tricky when you're ill or tired etc, but no harder than looking after a dog (although at least a dog is inside). Just refuse to look after them - they're his responsibility and if he isn't enjoying it, he needs to look after them until they're sold/returned.

Absolute worst case scenario - it's all a disaster, he doesn't like owning his own horses and the land/house are a pain. You sell up, yes you lose stamp duty but most mortgages are portable (make sure the new one is) and you won't lose too much. I think it's worth the risk for his lifelong dream

I think you need to ask him what type of horse he wants. I mean is he planning on buying a green thoroughbred (terrible idea) or a reliable schoolmaster type that will be a good doer? The latter might not be his dream but would be sensible to get started with. He can always 'upgrade' once he's properly confident in his riding and ability to care for a horse.

I had ponies at home with totally non-horsey parents and our first purchase was totally unsuitable as a result. No harm done to anyone but I look back now and think my parents were bonkers.

i would argue a livery yard would be a good idea not only to check it's definitely what he wants but to build a network of contacts in the horsey world. I remember being very grateful to a horsey neighbour being willing to inject our horse with antibiotics as I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

He’s had a plan for years and put it into action and achieved it, I would support him personally, but I’d also like this plan so I’m a bit biased.

Why not loan a horse and do all the work and see how he gets on? 😂

I’ve had horses, both in full and DIY livery and kept them at home (we have a farm).

Keeping horses at home is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s much more land management than riding off into the sunset. The planning permission for various things, the mud (so much mud!), the fact you need horses ideally 3 so that you can ride one and still have companions for the ones at home, the fact the buck stops with you (colic, it’s all you, an abscess, no helpful hands around who are really good at poultices, what if there are metabolic issues, no options for easily rotating off grass). Did I mention the mud? Unless you can afford 20 acres, you won’t be able to rest fields and it will be soup all winter in many places in the UK.

What happens if he can’t care for them easily? I got cancer last year and I had to move my 2 out of DIY livery into nearly £400 a month mostly full livery because I physically can’t push a wheelbarrow anymore. I had to sell one, but thankfully £400 a month is manageable for me. It wouldn’t be for a lot of people.

It really is worth doing a practice run and having the work of keeping a horse to see if it’s for you. When mine were at home or on DIY, it was easily 2-2.5 hours of time every day. That doesn’t even include riding! Does Dh have an extra 2.5 hours of time every day? Morning and night. And I mean every day. Christmas Day. Boxing Day. When he’d be away on a stag do. There literally isn’t a day off, unless you have hired help. I spent Christmas 2 years ago dealing with an emergency vet call out instead of home cooking dinner for my family and spending time with everyone who came to stay.

I do love my horse, but having him is possible only because I now have the money to pay someone else to do all the graft.

I am lucky enough to have my own horse and have done since I was a child. I have had horses for 20 years. While I absolutely love it people that always say they want a horse and all they talk about is the riding side of owing horses usually have absolutely no idea what a commitment it is actually owing a horse!! The riding is probably only 20% of the owning. Keeping a horse these days cost a fortune (and I am lucky my horse is at home so I don’t need to pay for livery). Also good luck getting someone in the village to ride/look after a horse for free unfortunately that’s not how it works. Horses can also particularly sensitive animals in terms of care, it’s not like a cat or dog. Unless your husband has owned his own horse in the past I would definitely suggest helping out at a riding school before purchasing, a few hours mucking out stables will make him change his mind 🤣

So he won't support you in your career bur expects you to support him in a house move plus two horses!

Sounds a selfish fucker to me.

I think I'd resent every impact that the move & horses had on me.

I can't get past the fact that he's never owned a horse before, and last rode regularly 20 years ago. Sorry to say but most people I've ever come across like this, have no idea how to properly care for a horse. It's madness. I would definitely encourage him to keep a horse at a reputable livery yard to start with. Have lessons on his own horse. And learn.

Get the horse and get the land there’s nothing better. It’s my dream to have some land and some animals.

i have no idea how anyone could possibly save up £400k in 5 years but hey I’m clearly living in the wrong place/world/time/dimension

This is me! I have four at home, two are my daughters. There is a lot to be done around the place and its hard when you are working full time. If I didn't work from home it would be impossible, I would never see them and get to enjoy them, only chores! I currently have one on box rest and he needs a LOT of attention at the moment. I love them but life does revolve around them and their needs. I have a wonderful farrier and vet and my DD is a vet nurse, so I have a good back up team. Finding cover is not easy - the kind of people who will do it for a free ride often people you wouldn't let within 10 feet of your horse. Professionals are not always available and prioritise clients who give them regular work, not one off jobs.

We are mortgage free and have tough native ponies, so I can keep four for less than the price of one on full livery. It's still not cheap, though, and always costs more than you expect. As much as I love them, there are times I feel overwhelmed, especially in the winter. I ugly cry about once a year over broken fencing, damaged troughs etc. And my lot live out 24/7! We have a decent bit of land so rotate and rest rather than poo pick, have three sheep as our clean up crew and pretty much let the herd go feral over winter. My non-horsey husband finds it quite hard that my moods are linked to the herd - no one around here is happy unless the herd is happy! He has nothing to do with them, he is just not interested and I think they would struggle to pick him out of a line up.

I love my life, though, and I wouldn't change it for the world but it is full on. I do understand where your husband is coming from, there is nothing like having your own horse and being able to keep them at home is the gold standard. But when we moved I had learned the ropes of horsemanship on a livery yard for years and myself and my pony had been a partnership for nine years so the transition was a lot easier. I really would recommend he try out a livery yard first, even just for a year, before you start house hunting. It also gets lonely, being on your own. I like it, but he might not.

Very expensive... unless he gets given one... but of course you should never look a gift horse in the mouth - which means it could end up costing you a fortune in dentist's bills.

Getting a cat would be a better choice.

I'd also consider enrolling on a course or a degree of some sort so you'll be up to your eyeballs in your own commitments with no time to look after the horse.

What are your dreams?

Wouldn't you rent first? With a horse as part of the package perhaps, you could try to loan one from somewhere? Or a local stables close by?

He's worked so hard, it would be a terrible mistake if it didn't go right.

I'd definitely rent first in the area you are looking at.

I can't see how a high demand job is compatible with having a horse... but what do I know? Has he ever actually owned a horse for any period of time? Does he really know what's involved?

Say from your side you need to ease into it gently, you can say you're sure he'll cope but it's you who aren't sure, that perhaps you'll miss living wherever you are now? Are there any benefits perhaps that you will miss that won't be there once you're in the countryside?

He's in love with his dream - but perhaps it's just a dream - not reality. I hope you can both get what you want though.

I currently have 2 horses on 3 acres ( about to downsize to 2 acres!) and it’s worked fine. You can get a ridden horse of course, but a good shout would be to get a rescue horse from horse welfare - they’ll help you with management and their strict guidelines will help DH understand the reality of horses! Most importantly, don’t go for two ridden off the cuff - it’s a lot of work!

Everest Milton graced my walls as a teenager ❤️

I wish my DH wanted horses. I have two and he won’t have anything to do with them and makes jokey comments about them ruining his life 🤣

On a serious note, as I think others have called out, it’s hard to keep horses cheaply if you want them healthy and happy. Mine cost around 2-2.5k a month kept on rented sole use private yard. That includes all feed and forage, professional help as one is still green. The physio was out this week that was £120, one had his feet trimmed and that was £60, I had a haylage and straw delivery that was nearly £200, they get through a lot of hay that I have to buy in. They get a couple of supplements they don’t seem to be able to thrive without, shoeing is £108 every 5 weeks as if I leave it any longer he pulls a shoe or gets cracks, it’s NEVER ENDING. That’s before you’ve even got a saddle, made sure it fits and ridden anywhere.

I would also be very wary of owning them at home without decent prior experience. You can’t wing it really and knowing what to look out for, so you can decide if vets are needed or prevent issues is key. I have had horses as an adult for 10 years and I still wish there was an experienced “adultier adult” nearby sometimes. They’re overwhelming, baffling and downright dangerous in the wrong hands sometimes.

I would start keeping eyes open for the right house but follow your gut and get him around them first. I volunteered at a riding school for 9 months or so before I got mine just to get back into it. And I was still so out of my depth it’s not funny back then.

There comes a point when riding a riding school horse becomes boring. It’s natural to want to progress to ownership but as a novice, jumping straight to your first horse on your own land is a stupid idea.

You need people around you who know what they’re doing, it’s really important. There is so much to learn with just the day to day stuff but this never stops. I’ve been riding and owning horses for 30 years and I only just learned yesterday that buttercups need to be removed from the field as they burn their skin.

Having your own land is nice but it’s also lonely. We love the social side of going the yard. I suggest getting a loan or buying a suitable horse (please take advice with this too as there are so many scammers and dodgy dealers out there) and keeping it on a livery yard for a couple of years.

Nothing beats horse ownership but it is a huge commitment and a money pit too.

This. He’d get support as a novice owner and could opt to pay for extra help if he needed it.