DH wants horses

As much as I agree with most riding schools and their politics being awful, I would still say it's odd he hasn't in all these years bought a horse of his own and kept it on a livery yard. I'd say that's the start before land ownership, as you learn so much by being around other horsey people who can advise/help you and you own your horse rather it being a riding school horse. We've been at some awful livery yards with some batshit crazy YOs but you do get some nice and helpful horsey people as well.

I started riding at 6 years old. Worked at stables since I was 10. Always rode, even when I was struggling to afford to eat I would find money for riding lessons because I would do anything to get my fix. I’ve worked as a groom at professional yards. 6 years ago I gave up completely until I can afford land of my own and to ride on my own terms because I am so sick of riding schools and livery yard politics and attitudes.

I disagree that riding at a riding school is better than nothing.

clearly feels some handy locals and his wife will plug the gaps.

That's certainly the way it's coming across.

I would have thought in all this time he might at least have tried riding again.

I get that it isn't the same as your own horse, but better than nothing?

I don't. He comes off as wanting to be seen as Lord of the Manor, rather than just being horse mad and desperate to own one of his own. Animals rarely have happy endings when people's fantasies do not come to fruition.

Exactly. The poor diddums has some completely unrealistic notions of horse ownership, but clearly feels some handy locals and his wife will plug the gaps.

This....saved me writing the same

We have horses on our own land, it was DP's dream, it still is. It takes 5 mins a day to look after them and costs almost nothing to keep them How could I ever look dp on the eye if I "put my foot down"

Don't just "allow" him, embrace it and help him... One day you may want him to help achieve your dream

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

He doesn't seem to be being realistic though.

No clue of land management, was surprised at how time consuming it is and won't drive 20mins to a livery?

@Dreamingohorses I asked Chat GPT to produce an overview of a typical day of a horse owner including all the land management tasks and costs involved. I think the time involved did come as a bit of a shock to him, he does seem OK on the horse care aspects as did quite a bit of this when younger but did not have a clue about the associated land management. He has decided to focus on his business for a while longer.
The idea is not entirely off the table but he has realised at least for now he doesn't have the time. I did have a look at livery options for him but unfortately they are all 20 min drive and he is not keen

I think the fact he’s not keen to travel 20 mins down the road twice a day proves he’s not really up for the commitment. We live 20 mins away from our livery, and don’t think twice about the travelling aspect, as that’s a fraction of the time we put into owning a horse.

I do agree with this, but in his shoes I would throw money at it and get paid help. It's not realistic to work full time out of the house and run a yard on your own. He needs to employ paid help (experienced horse people) if he wants to go ahead with this.

I agree it's a odd he wouldn't drive 20mins to a livery yard. Ours is 20mins and we think that's super close, as had to drive way further previously.

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

If he won't drive 20 mins to a livery yard (which is a pretty good time, tbh) then I really am not sure the reality of horse ownership is for him as pretty much everything about horses is time consuming, expensive, mucky and heavy ... just as well I love them! 😄 BTW is he having regular lessons now? If he isn't then maybe he could find a really good school and start having them again? Riding is one of those things where you have to constantly strive to improve as unfortunately you don't stay at the level you were when you stopped trying; you go backwards 😕Maybe that would help him get his horsey fix and he would be making forward steps towards his dream of having his own horse (though not having it at home still stands!) one day.

I’m relieved for the horse he was planning to get. It’s really not something you can just take up as a hobby: you need to have a lot of knowledge and time to look after a horse properly.

You are both correct. Having horses is a lifestyle choice not a hobby. A lot of work but , if you have space for more than one you could charge someone DIY livery , which would be company for the horse and you can help each other out , or do a part loan where someone else rides and a few times a week in exchange for looking after

Absolutely, every animal requires knowledge and commitment no matter how small. What I mean was a horse even more so, at the end of the day these animals weigh over half a tonne and can easily seriously injure you or even kill you if they put their mind to it, it isn't something someone should do as a whim without the proper experience and knowledge first. This is why being on a communal yard for a first horse is better, as more people around to help and share knowledge and experience. I was lucky, my mum had had horses for years when I got mine so I got it from her as well as others as we know alot in that circle, but what you see some naive people doing is shocking.

Even a rabbit is way more work than people realise. They need to live in pairs or groups of they get extremely depressed and they need way more space than any hutch or cage provides. Hell, even the goldfish requires more care than a lot of people think. Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent and I'm not disagreeing with the main point of your comment 😁

I don't think you're being unreasonable, purely because this involves living animals. So it's not a matter of you just deciding not to do anything or leaving him to it. If your partner gets a pet and neglects it you're obviously going to look after it yourself because it's not about principles anymore it's about animal welfare. He needs more exposure to the care and husbandry before he gets his own horse.

@Dreamingohorses any update? Have you managed to have any further discussions?

If he hasn't had a horse before or even shared before then I think he will be in for a shock as to how much work they are, especially if stabled. Summer is lovely, but winter can be a long slog especially if we get really bad weather.

You don't tend to just go out a get a horse like rabbit or goldfish, there is alot more to it, which requires knowledge.

Personally think would be best off sharing first or if he won't do that, get a loan or loan with view to buy so that if it turns out it's not for him or too much work, it's easier to hand the horse back to the owners and reassess what is possible in your situations.

Having had horses, I can really see both sides.

I would let him do it, and the only way to get it out of the system is by doing it. It might be the best thing for him. Horses are so calming, and it’s lovely looking out at them.

As a first step, I would be very careful about the type of horse you get and to make sure that it’s genuine and ‘sound’.’ There are a lot of dodgy horsey people out there that try to shift dodgy horses. Always have been. The horse world is well known for it.

When I bought my last horse I had it thoroughly vet checked and I would highly recommend that you do that to save a lot of heart ache and money in the long run.

You are in a no win situation. If you don’t let him do it, he will resent you.

Good luck 💐

I know a few people that bought horses to ride.
They rode their horses a couple of times & their horses got illnesses.
Then a year of box rest
Still paying for the daily up keep of their horses.

Some horses have years of illness

However, if you are a Horsey person, there are other ways to enjoy a horse without riding.

There are risks

There are expenses

Well, he’s right that riding someone else’s horse is not the same- like taking someone else’s dog for walk. But doing so would at least have given him some up to date knowledge about horses and the specific sort of fitness you need to ride well. The fact that he’s so all or nothing about it does make it sound like he has an idealised vision of what it’s going to be like, and perhaps is trying to live out a teenage dream rather than approaching it practically.

That said, he has saved impressively and this is clearly a genuine long term dream. I say go for it but have a serious discussion first about how it will work- what you’re willing to do (maybe nothing), who will step in when you’re away, how he’s going to fit everything in, actual costs including costs of something going wrong.

Does he know enough about their care to look after them at home?

It’s not clear from your post exactly how experienced he was when he was younger, did he have his own and do all the care or just ride? Even if he owned, if it was on part or full livery?

I’ve ridden and owned horses the vast majority of my life and since I moved to a property where I have them at home, I’ve still had wobbles on decisions because of not having anyone around to bounce ideas off.

This would be my biggest concern. He’d be better off stabling a horse on a livery yard for a couple of years at least until he gets used to everything.

Keeping horses at home is not for the faint hearted - all my spare time is chores and maintenance.

I think for me the thing is OP has known of this plan for a long time. She has always known he has a love of horses and wants to go back to it. For the last five years she has seen him saving hard to make it happen- in the way he wants to do it. If he wanted a loan he could’ve done that 5 years ago. If he wanted livery he could’ve done it three years ago.

He wanted to do it in his own way, on his own land. To start saying no after 5 years of him working towards this is pretty disingenuous.

many of us give up riding, not because we lose interest in horses. But because we hate horse politics. I’m afraid I’d never loan a horse again. I hate working with a horse, forming a bond or working towards a goal, only to have that ruined by an owners plans.