DH made a show of himself at his dad’s wake

Yes, honestly, why would you want a kid with an angry, shouty man? That makes zero sense and is unfair to the child.

his poor brother. He has also
lost his father and then ends up.being attacked by his brother at the funeral.

Feel sad for your husband - must be years of pain.

In Indian families the eldest son is seen as the person to carry on the traditions, family name, and care for the parents when elderly.
I’d be surprised if him and his brother weren’t treated differently.

This should be a lesson to posters to include all relevant info in the first post.

OP, you are not going to get any sensible advice. Insist he goes to therapy and don't be his verbal punching bag.

I am taken aback at the comments - bear in mind I had an abusive father who I am very LC with. But I would never cause a scene like this. If it was a one off, I would be able to move past it but this is part of a pattern of ragey behaviour.

I inagine it has probably put into perspective for OP how bad his temper really is by seeing other people’s reaction to it - it is easier to let things slide sadly when directed just at yourself in your own 4 walls.

"I don’t even want to show my face around his family now."

This really isn't about you, have some empathy for goodness sake.

What a surprise that the mum denies any favouritism, that there is a major preference for the older brother in an Indian family (coming from one myself), and that there is mortification re expressing very raw emotions at the funeral (with the assumption that decorum matters more than emotions).
Seriously, take the time to listen to your husband and try understand what his experiences have been. His brother may be very calm and cool in appearance, but that's also easier when you're the golden child.

I read it - she got pg with a shouty man but only after funeral is she having doubts.

I've no idea what to say to that - why TTC in such a case - what to do now she is pg.

Clearly he's not in a great headspace - but this needs tackling - but it's seperate to the funeral blow back.

TBH maybe he'll be less shouty with less contact with is family or maybe this is a wider issue that need tackling before the baby comes and wtf was OP thinking TTC in such a situation without tackling this all before hand.

‘Turned a wake into some drama about childhood trauma’

That’s his wife saying that. So if his own wife dismisses his feelings and belittles his childhood trauma then I can only imagine how lonely and angry he feels. Not very supportive are you? Perhaps cut from the same cloth as his dad.

Obviously there's more going on than just the wake, it's part of a pattern of selfish immature behaviour. Bust ups aren't rare at funerals but that doesn't make it ok.I don't at all blame OP for being ashamed of him.

**

You are making this all about you. I hope your DH is okay I'm sure he feels bad enough as it is

And what a drip feed it was!

Why on earth would one choose to actively try and conceive with an awful husband? The update is very, very convenient.

Oh yes, the drip feed, you were waiting for.

DH did threaten him with violence. Not just angry words, actual “I’ll smash your face in” level stuff. Had to be pulled away.

And he did that in front of the brother's young children.

But apparently OP shouldn't be mortified. And his mother, who's lost her husband, shouldn't be angry.

It seems that the majority think his grief should be recognised, yet his mother's and his brother's can be shrugged off. And those poor kids...

I suspected I was right. And I was.

I come from the same culture.

He's a man with a temper clearly. Add alcohol and grief on top of a lifetime of feeling unworthy and you have a recipe for disaster.
It wasn't the time or place and I do understand why you're embarrassed, I think people are giving you a hard time unnecessarily on that issue. However, when someone has strong suppressed emotions this is what can happen. He lost control. He may well be embarrassed himself later. And the grief will be with him for a while. He has lost a parent and any chance of reconciling or dealing with regrets.
My feeling is that you should support him for now in this. I wouldn't take any notice of what his mother said. If he was treated the way you say then she was complicit and is continuing the denial and gaslighting.
Going forward, he needs counselling. And I'd be much more worried about the fact he shouts at you. That needs to stop and he needs some reflection on how his past trauma is continuing to cause problems with someone who does not deserve the fallout. Dealing with the issues with a therapist will help.

Sounds like he needs a hug, I can’t imagine how he must feel.

Perhaps the OP can answer for herself?

No, you wanted to be right.

Because he's angry, shouty and reactive?

His father died a week ago. That's a week of choosing not to tell your husband that you are pregnant. I'm curious as to why?

Why is everyone defending DH so hard? Is it because he’s a man?!

if OP got rotten drunk and threatened violence I’m sure you’d all be down her neck about it! check your deep routed misogyny people!

although I have empathy for DH in this situation he’s still a fully grown adult and needs to take accountability. You can’t cause an absolute scene just because you’re upset.

you all sound like OP should be caring for him like a little wounded soldier or something. She’s newly pregnant, hormonal, and LITERALLY ASKING FOR ADVICE.

just ease off and be kind, doesn’t cost a thing!