DH made a show of himself at his dad’s wake

He isn't only grieving the loss of his father,he's grieving the loss of a relationship which has no chance now of being built upon now his father has gone. He doesn't sound like a man who would agree to counselling but I feel it would be good for him,even grief counselling which can be arranged via his GP.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your DH has wanted to start a family & while waiting he's had to watch his brother settled with children. He needs a hand hold & a huge hug.

Certainly for me, and possibly others, what OP described in her opening post about her H's feelings towards his father, rang such a chord with me that I couldn't help but sympathise with him.

I didn't even go to my father's funeral. I went to my mother's and bitterly regretted it.

Do you know the Philip Larkin poem This be the verse. That starts " They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad"
Well that's why I leapt to his defense.

This.

Grief makes people do odd thing, mix that with alcohol and unresolved childhood trauma 💥!
id think now isn’t the right time to challenge his behaviour.

I think you seem to have no idea how having parents who treated you badly all your life effects you. Your attitude to your husband seems quite uncaring.

That's already been answered. Read OP's posts.

Not the point, but where on earth do you live to be able to have a funeral a week after the death? People are waiting over a month here!

DH lost the plot at his Dad's funeral. DH had spent his life trying to please his Dad, to no avail. At the wake DH got roaring drunk and became tearful, then belligerent before finally starting an argument with his SIL.

It didn't occur to me to feel embarrassed because I could see how much he was hurting. And because I love him.

You're right, it wasn't the place and even in our grief we still have self-control. He shouldn't have hit the drink as that will have decreased any restraint he has. It's not the end of the world though and he is obviously struggling to find a way to deal with many unresolved issues and feelings, and you also don't magically know how to deal with the fallout - and honestly, why should you. You can stay out of it.

Don't we all know by now that nothing is ever what it seems?

We can only go on what is written in the OP. And bizarrely, op chose to omit some extremely pertinent information until really far into the thread…

AIBU to be livid?

Kindly, yes.

Sounds like your DH had an unhappy upbringing. He’s probably been holding onto a lot of resentment, anger and rejection for years and years. Which is incredibly tough to deal with, especially for blokes when society tells them to “man up”.
Mix that in with a funeral and alcohol - a recipe for an emotional outburst.

Funerals are bad enough when you don’t have any unconventional relationships with your family. Funerals and death can bring out allsorts of emotion. Guilt, sadness, anger etc.

Was threatening his brother the right thing to do? No.
Is it any wonder why your DH acted this way? Also no.

You need to support him through this time. Not be angry with him.

That's why funerals are a bad idea as its always about unresolved issues and resentments. Its all about them not about the person who has died. After the shenanigans at my brother's funeral and the ex wife, I've stated in my will I don't want a funeral.

Really sad. I would go gently with him.

nothing like a funeral for bringing out the truth. At my mil funeral it was announced to her husband and the world in general that the youngest son was not the son of the father but she had had an affair less than 2 years after the wedding. great for killing the occasion stone dead
throw in alcohol as well and it can all kick off. i guess your husband has been bottling things up for years and it just all came out even though it was the wrong time really

In the absence of context, one can only judge on what they've been given.

Jesus have some empathy OP
Poor man is grieving, not ideal at the funeral but he needs to get it off his chest.
Be gentle with him, he will be a mess.

Well, as I said upthread, he should have thought of that before cutting off his father when he was dying. The opportunity for resolution may well have presented itself then at some point. He’ll never know now will he ? And I suspect that’s part of the reason he kicked off.

Baffling how so many have rushed to defend a constantly angry, shouty man on a women's website. Don't we all know by now that nothing is ever what it seems?
Now the OP is being blamed for being pregnant.
In sum, nothing is ever a man's fault.

Your DH must be feeling terrible and ashamed. Don’t give him a hard time.

You say that his outburst was like a child having a tantrum. That is completely normal. When dealing with childhood trauma, an adult will display the same behaviour as a child the same age as when they felt that way. So if he first started feeling second best when he was 5 years old, his feelings will come out like a 5 year old’s.

Tell him you’re pregnant today. Support him to look forward and not backwards. Your news could be just what he (and the rest of the family) needs to move forwards and put this behind them.

Rang true to me. Nothing convenient about it - she found out about the pregnancy on the day his father died, and still hasn’t told him about it. Very wise in my view with the stress and anxiety of everything else going on. But no doubt posters will leap on it to pick holes and use it as another stick with which to beat.

I don’t think I could give him a hard time about that.

Of course it’s about OP. She’s part of his family, and will likely have to face the repercussions as much as him. She’s also been at the business end of his shitty, shouty behaviour so I can well understand why she would be mortified at witnessing him berating his family in the same way.

You mean the man who shouts at OP whenever he feels stressed ? The man who had so little respect for anyone elses’ grief - including that of his own mother - that he made the wake all about him by using it as an opportunity to air his grievances. He clearly has issues but that was neither the time nor the place. If he wanted no contact with his father while he was ill, why on earth did he go to the funeral ? I suspect it hit home that the opportunity to resolve things between himself and his father has gone - and he’ll never know whether the opportunity for a resolution would have presented itself, had he not decided to cut his father off when he was dying.

Maybe also for people to not jump to conclusions and be unkind as no one ever knows the whole story from a post on here.