DH made a show of himself at his dad’s wake

I understand you feel embarrassed, no one wants a scene at a wake. However in this situation your husband needs your support and understanding, losing a parent brings up all sorts of emotions. He's angry and he has to come to terms that his relationship with his dad can never be changed now. As upset as you are, now isn't a time to show it. I'm sorry for your loss.

Your take away from this is that your DH shouldn’t have embarrassed you himself at the wake?

Who needs enemies when he’s got you in his corner?! He’s already had one person he was (supposed to be) able to rely on let him down in life; why on earth would you want to be another?

I feel for him. I said some weird and inappropriate things at my mum’s wake and we had a good relationship. Grief does funny things and he’s not himself. Mixed with presumably alcohol, and a room full of people saying lovely things about his dad, its not surprising he had a wobble tbh.

I’d feel bad for his mum, but similarly she must have known what he was like. Give him some slack.

Poor man. Lost his father and unresolved childhood trauma that now can't be resolved, and his wife is.... embarrassed? Livid?
If you love him then support him, listen to him, be there for him.

I agree with this. It is much harder to have a parent die when you have unresolved issues with them. The grief that hits you when a parent dies is like no other - my sisters and I are very close and yet, within half an hour if my mum’s death, while sitting with her, we all had a big row over something stupid! There is no rational way to grieve.

Try to support your DH today and just be a judgement free space for him. My sympathies for you both at this time.

This isnt about his behaviour it’s about you being embarrassed. Which I get but now isn’t the time to focus on you really. He’s so hurt and hes probably held it in for a long time.

“some trauma” what does that mean?

It’s not really about you and your feelings at the moment. As harsh as that might feel, because it’s understandable that it wasn’t pleasant for you or anyone else to deal with, it’s part of his grieving process. Let it go and be kind to him, he might need to talk about it more before he can move on, and he might need you to help him with that.

no you dont need to be livid
he will feel worse

YABU. His relationship with his father wasn't good and he's not a saint just because he died. I hope it helps your DH to get it out in the open.

People who have lovely parents will never fully understand the deep and awful feelings suffered by those who had awful ones.

Please try and support him, he's going through a terrible time

YABU. He needs empathy and support.

I'm sorry you're embarrassed your husband had an emotional breakdown following the death of his father who treated him horribly his whole life

It's often harder for people who have poor relationships with their parents when they die, because it's the loss of any hope that they will ever feel cared for or valued by their parents.

No, it's not ideal that the wake got disrupted, but grief brings out strange things and it's not the first or last funeral to be disrupted in that kind of way.

Your DH is struggling. Try to have some compassion, and encourage him to see a therapist.

Bereavements of close family members bring out a whole bunch of unresolved trauma and emotions. People act in all sorts of strange ways when they lose people, especially if the relationship had some major sticking points as it sounds. I think unless you've lost your own parents you have no idea how it feels and are perhaps completely unprepared for how it can hit someone.
The alcohol wasn't a great idea but it could have been much worse and the fact you're focusing on your DH being an embarrassment instead of on supporting him through this difficult time suggests you've got deeper issues here.

Yabu.
He's lost his dad with whom he had a difficult relationship, I think it's pretty understandable that he'd fall apart at some point. Shame he did it then, but not unusual I'm sure. I don't think you being livid helps anything.

How awful for him to feel that way.