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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think it is polite to ask first?

137 replies

Brownthosebrownonionsbrown · 06/06/2025 09:03

Fuming

BF (few months relationship) invited me over to his for a meal, home made thai curry, so far so good. He plated it up in the kitchen and brought the food to me with all of the curry and sauce on top of the rice, when I like to have them side by side and have some clean rice as a palate cleanser.

Its just good manners and basic rice etiquette to ask first. I cannot believe I was dating such a neanderthal. He even tried to gas light me, saying that it doesn't make any difference and basically trying to invalidate my feelings and lived experience.

Eugh men

OP posts:
Shewhoshallnotbenamed91 · 06/06/2025 16:37

Genuinely hope this is a joke, because if not that man needs to run farrrrrrrrrr 🚩🚩

saraclara · 06/06/2025 16:35

Jeeze, I HATE having my food plated up by someone else. What makes them think they know how large a portion I want, or which things I want more of and which I want less of?

So it's definitely a LTcontrollingB from me!
😅

ilovesushi · 06/06/2025 16:26

My DH does side by side curry and rice. He always asks for people's preference but I've yet to come across anyone else who eats it this way - except the Op, so now there are two of them.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2025 16:25

RafaelBarba · 06/06/2025 10:47

Palate cleanser?

wtf, are you Hyacinth Bucket??😂

Pretentious twattery if it's serious. If it is serious he should dump her. If it's meant to be a joke I've seen funnier ones.

AgnesX · 06/06/2025 16:14

No naan or poppadoms?? Move on, there's more curried fish in the sea.

SaintNoMountainHighEnough · 06/06/2025 16:06

Sounds like a great meal to me. Make your serving preference known first next time.

ObtuseMoose · 06/06/2025 16:04

TheAutumnCrow · 06/06/2025 14:39

It really doesn’t need explaining surely?

Show quote history

See the many, many posts asking if it's a joke!

User79853257976 · 06/06/2025 16:04

Rice etiquette 😂

Lavenderflower · 06/06/2025 15:49

This is very weird - I would never have given any thought.

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 06/06/2025 15:46

Garibald · 06/06/2025 15:30

I suppose because it's funny to see the mumsnetters leap like tickled trout into huffy indignation

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Funny that OP never came back to clarify that 🤔

My first thought was.... I've seen a lot of justified complaints about men on MN, and some unjustified - but this is the least justified complaint ever!! Let's hope it's a wind up!

Theroadt · 06/06/2025 15:42

Brownthosebrownonionsbrown · 06/06/2025 09:03

Fuming

BF (few months relationship) invited me over to his for a meal, home made thai curry, so far so good. He plated it up in the kitchen and brought the food to me with all of the curry and sauce on top of the rice, when I like to have them side by side and have some clean rice as a palate cleanser.

Its just good manners and basic rice etiquette to ask first. I cannot believe I was dating such a neanderthal. He even tried to gas light me, saying that it doesn't make any difference and basically trying to invalidate my feelings and lived experience.

Eugh men

I’m assuming your post was in jest?

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:33

Garibald · 06/06/2025 15:30

I suppose because it's funny to see the mumsnetters leap like tickled trout into huffy indignation

Show quote history

Or just post a few lines about what a fruitcake the Op is?

Garibald · 06/06/2025 15:30

MsDDxx · 06/06/2025 14:23

But why bother? 😂

Show quote history

I suppose because it's funny to see the mumsnetters leap like tickled trout into huffy indignation

MyHouseInThePrairie · 06/06/2025 15:17

So no I wouldn’t think about asking either. It’s seriously not a big issue.

The only answer to that is to tell him you prefer them separate. I mean like an adult. Not as a telling off.

I actually sort of get why you say it’s not ok for him to tell you it’s not making a difference (because yes it’s making one to you). But I’m wondering how you explained your pov. Because it very much sound like he reacted to a telling off and him being told he has no basic manners (it will come out in tone if voice even if you dint say it iyswim). And I can see how he’d be exasperated if he made a big effort to prepare that meal only to be told it’s not good enough!

Fingerpie · 06/06/2025 15:05

“Gaslight”

Oh dear

oh. Dear.

i reckon he’ll come to his senses about the Op soon enough

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 06/06/2025 15:04

I live in Thailand and your way is correct. They are always served separately.

He is absolutely a neanderthal and you should not only leave him, but perhaps start a Facebook group warning other women away from him. Maybe some printed posters to put in your local too!

You can never be too careful these days. Well done for standing your ground OP. Your lived rice experience is valid and I am holding space for it.

prelovedusername · 06/06/2025 15:04

The monster. Get out while you can.

MyDeftDuck · 06/06/2025 14:52

My OH likes his food piled up……..I don’t…….we know enough about each other to plate up the others food accordingly. It is called communication.

KnittyNell · 06/06/2025 14:50

Brownthosebrownonionsbrown · 06/06/2025 09:03

Fuming

BF (few months relationship) invited me over to his for a meal, home made thai curry, so far so good. He plated it up in the kitchen and brought the food to me with all of the curry and sauce on top of the rice, when I like to have them side by side and have some clean rice as a palate cleanser.

Its just good manners and basic rice etiquette to ask first. I cannot believe I was dating such a neanderthal. He even tried to gas light me, saying that it doesn't make any difference and basically trying to invalidate my feelings and lived experience.

Eugh men

This is a joke isn’t it?

Cucy · 06/06/2025 14:41

Definitely LTB!!!!

My DD cooked me a curry the other day and actually mixed the rice and sauce together!

I had to grin and act like I was ok with it as unfortunately ditching your child for stirring your curry is frowned upon apparently.

You are in a relationship with an absolute madman.

MasterBeth · 06/06/2025 14:40

middleagedandinarage · 06/06/2025 14:13

It would genuinely brighten my day so much if this was real 😂

Can people genuinely not comprehend that a thing can be both lighthearted and also real.

TheAutumnCrow · 06/06/2025 14:39

ObtuseMoose · 06/06/2025 14:30

Absolutely nothing. If it needs explaining it isn't funny 🤷‍♀️

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It really doesn’t need explaining surely?

ObtuseMoose · 06/06/2025 14:30

BlueandPinkSwan · 06/06/2025 13:57

Sorry, must have lost my sense of humour, what's funny about it ?🤔

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Absolutely nothing. If it needs explaining it isn't funny 🤷‍♀️

Swanfeet · 06/06/2025 14:28

Brownthosebrownonionsbrown · 06/06/2025 09:03

Fuming

BF (few months relationship) invited me over to his for a meal, home made thai curry, so far so good. He plated it up in the kitchen and brought the food to me with all of the curry and sauce on top of the rice, when I like to have them side by side and have some clean rice as a palate cleanser.

Its just good manners and basic rice etiquette to ask first. I cannot believe I was dating such a neanderthal. He even tried to gas light me, saying that it doesn't make any difference and basically trying to invalidate my feelings and lived experience.

Eugh men

I presume this is a joke

If not, you sound utterly insufferable 😂

MsDDxx · 06/06/2025 14:26

BlotAnExpert · 06/06/2025 12:57

You sound like someone with no sense of humour 😘

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The OP has no sense of humour. The joke doesn’t make any sense 😂