Petrol money - girls trip

I love splitting costs and being upfront with money. Im going on a trip with my friends this weekend and we are automatically splitting everything including petrol. Im not driving so am bringing extra treats. The driver generally gets the best room too.

That's some lovely black and white thinking you've got there! People can be not earning a lot of money without being in financial difficulties. Yes, even beyond their 30s. We are often still able to go away and do things, imagine that! We just have to budget and plan a bit more carefully than somebody who can afford to spend a few hundred quid without thinking about it very much.

See also high earners who have high mortgages and bills and have little disposable income - I have friends who are in this position and as weird as it is from my point of view, they really feel additional expenses in the pocket. There are all sorts of reasons why it might make a genuine difference to share petrol money. Even beyond your 30s! 😉

She’s probably just been upfront to avoid any awkwardness down the line. I really do think that with money just be open and it avoids so many issues.

In the spirit of openness, when it comes to how much to offer, just ask. “Oh I’m just sorting out my budget for next month, how much would you like me to send over for petrol?”

Why are people not understanding what OP is saying?

She says that she & bestie are going away & splitting costs. On this occasion she can't drive as her husband needs the car for work.

There's no suggestion that she never drives or that this friend always drives despite what posters are interpreting.

OP is irked because if roles were reversed she would not ask for petrol money. She is perhaps more generous in this relationship than the friend & this is why her husband is commenting on the weird dynamic of the friend asking for this money. OP has less money at the end of the month as she would think nothing of covering the petrol etc

My reading is OP is generous & friend is penny pinching & husband has noticed this.

I may have picked this up wrong but that's what I understood.

And if this IS the case I totally get feeling irked at being asked particularly if there have been occasions where the friend has been happy to benefit from the ops generosity

😂

@Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 depends how far you’re going and what her car’s like on fuel. If she gets 30 mpg out of it and you’re going 60 miles, that’s 120 miles total for there and back, so 4 gallons roughly, divided by two of you. Or look up what HMRC says you can charge for use of your own car on work travel and pay half that. Or just ask her how much she wants, or as you’ve suggested, offer something equivalent as your contribution. Or agree you’ll drive next time.

I do know what you mean OP, if I was the one driving I would never ask for petrol money, but if I was the passenger I would offer it. I don’t think I’d mind being asked upfront, but I just wouldn’t have asked. Plenty would, and some people are a lot better at making sure they’re never out of pocket, even for a best friend xx

As another person who is significantly beyond my teenage years, that's a lovely attitude to have if you can afford it. I do that as often as I can.

I'm in the somewhat unusual position for my age of being a low earner, and boy does it make a difference if I get given a contribution towards petrol money! I always budget to have spent that money on fuel, but if I get even £20 towards it, it means I can afford a coffee and cake somewhere along the way when I would have previously made do with a flask.

So I think it's more about how much difference that money would make to the driver, from the driver's point of view. It's about not being a cheeky fucker from the passenger's point of view! Maybe it's just all about making sure that nobody is harbouring any resentment, even when too polite to say.

I only have a two seater car so whenever I go out with my friends, one of them has to drive. This makes me feel horribly guilty so I always pay for parking and buy the coffee if it’s a local trip. Petrol money would of course be offered in addition if it was a further afield trip.

And LOL at you for not even vaguely responding to OP's measured posts and explanations and just going straight in with the assessment that she's a dreadful person.

Also, LOL at the poll result! 😆

LOL is this a joke? She is the one doing the driving, and using HER car. If anything, I think you should be stumping up two-thirds of the petrol money. You sounds very entitled and very cheeky @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 Some 'best friend' you are.

This is what I think too. I never would have asked for money as I find it petty. Unless the other person has financial difficulties of course in which case I’d offer to pay the full petrol costs. But someone who has financial difficulties does not go away in these circumstances.

My friends all live far away from me so either I am driving to them, or them to me. However my sister and I may drive somewhere together, maybe it’s different as we’re family but I would never in a million years expect her to offer petrol money or for me to offer it to her.
I just think over the years it kind of evens out as either one of us might be the driver at the time. Christ, I’m now worrying I’ve been (or she has been) a CF all these years!

I appreciate being able to drive and take my turn, but I don’t particularly enjoy it.
When my friend offered to drive us to the airport for our recent holiday I happily paid for the car park, which was probably double the whole fuel cost.
Unless you regularly take turns driving I think the additional responsibility on the driver should also be taken into account. There is always the chance of a puncture or stone damaging the windscreen.

I haven’t read the full thread, but when I go away/anywhere with my friends I am usually the nominated driver. They always insist on paying for fuel (as in if I’m filling up one is already at the kiosk ready to pay) or if I’ve not had to fill up paying for a meal or something. I protest but they will have none of it. This is normal behaviour.

Hold on. You were going to pay petrol money on the way anyway? This is more about her asking upfront?
And you are paying for other 'extras', snacks etc. Is she doing any of that?

I would never ask for petrol money now I am significantly beyond the teenage new driver stage of life. My friends usually buy me a bottle of wine of box of chocolates instead. Or we do the 'no, no money needed', 'I insist', 'no no' dance, until I give in and take a tenner just to stop them feeling awkward. And then I end up spending it on buying them coffees anyway.

If we ever go somewhere and are splitting fuel costs, we start with a full tank and then if it can be done in one tank then we fill up again when home and split that cost by number of people in car including driver.
if you need to fill up multiple times then split that too

If you want to pay what the train cost go by train. Otherwise pay your share. No one likes a CF.

My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship.

What????

Does he think she's cheeky for asking?

When I go away with friends I always offer petrol money.

If they don't accept I buy a meal/drinks as a thank you for driving.

You're welcome and fair enough.

You might want to ask MN to close your thread now (by pressing the report button) or people will keep replying without reading your updates repeating the same old stuff.

You've taken a bit of a battering (as is usual on mumsnet) - fair play to you for taking it on the chin and adjusting your expectations as a result!

If she didn’t ask, you should have offered it anyway and just handed it over. Surely you planned to do that?
Thank goodness she asked; seems she knows you well enough to know that you wouldn’t offer it.

So how were you going to get there free? It'll probably be less than trainfare. Pay your way.