Petrol money - girls trip

I don't think that's unreasonable! That's why I've never asked for or accepted petrol money because I am going anyway and I prefer to drive than be a passenger.

But I know lots of people don't see it that way so I will always offer and am happy to pay some petrol money. Just wouldn't have a clue how much is considered reasonable so would ask the driver for a suggestion.

How long is the journey in miles, there and back again?

“She’s going there anyway…” ffs

This. Dont be so bloody tight op!

Its your friend and she is saving you money still.

I really hate people like this. Sorry not sorry.

This is why I got rid of my ex friend. She was happy to take but not put her hand in her pocket!

I think long distance trips you should offer petrol money.

It’s not just the petrol money though is it ( though personally having been at the sticky end of situations like this with a friend who expected a free ride on many occasions it bloody rankles) it’s also the fact that your friend has the stress of driving , so isn’t sitting in the passenger seat enjoying the view but concentrating on getting both of you safely to your destination ( and back again). Plus unless you are staying in one place and not moving for the length of the trip will also be driving you to places you want to visit, which means , for example that you can have a glass of wine with lunch, or a g and t before dinner, which she can’t.

Just pay the bloody petrol money and be grateful you aren’t having to pay for buses, trains and taxis , don’t have to check timetables or buy tickets on line, don’t have to lug your overnight bag on and off public transport, or listen to other peoples tinny music on badly fitting headphones, endure someone’s irritating childrens inane wittering or sit next to a manspreader with a personal hygiene problem and a loud phone voice.

Have a great weekend, pay the petrol money, and make sure you get her a bunch of flowers to say thank you for driving.

In the future set a budget to include everything (a bit more then necessary)

I agree with you. The fact that OP says it wouldn't occur to her to charge and her DH thinks their dynamic is odd implies this friendship is unbalanced. And it sounds like the friend is the taker. OP - time to start asking her to reciprocate when you drive and split the snack costs. She might start to regret her stand over what sounds like a pretty small amount of money compared to a weekend away.

My first thought was but you are also "going there anyway" so why should you travel for free while she pays for the petrol alone? How would you get there otherwise and what would it cost?

I've since read your updates. You're going to pay and I think that lets you off the hook for buying extra treats as you are already "even" so you kind of end up in the same place.

I'm not sure what the issue is. Is it that she asked before you offered, even though you were going to offer to even things up? It's hard to explain but I often feel slightly irrationally annoyed when someone asks me for something that I was otherwise planning to do. I think maybe because it feels like they assume I will try and get away with it otherwise (i.e. I feel they are judging me as a CF when it's probably nothing of the sort and I'm just a prickly old so and so!)

I'm off for a similar trip with a friend. I'm enormously grateful that she is driving, I could take my car but tbh I'd rather pay for all the petrol than drive! She hasn't mentioned anything about the petrol costs but no way would I expect her to pay for it.

Pmsl. You were never intending to offer, that’s clear so stop digging. Why would you need snacks and a nice lunch on the way for a 2 hour journey? Maybe your mate thinks that’s overkill and just wants to get there, she’s the one having to do all the driving after all.

You sound like a right cheeky fucker.

As for the “hmm, now how to calculate petrol costs” like it’s difficult and you are determined not to overpay, why not try one of the many mileage calculators online? The RAC? The AA? It’s really not hard.

Personally I’d be bunging her £30 for petrol and not trying to make up for it in fucking wotsits and haribo 🙄

People have different attitudes.

I go away with some family members once a year and as one has a much bigger car and there are 3 of us with 2 dogs, she always drives.

We did give money the first year but it didn't seem enough. So these days we pay for her food instead. It's far more than the petrol costs BUT she does all the driving, there's wear and tear to the car and her time.

I think maybe look at the miles. You said it’s a good couple of hours so quite a distance? I get paid 45p a mile for work but only 5p a mile for an extra passenger. I go for somewhere in the middle normally. So my rough calculation would be first 100 miles at 22.5p then 5p a mile thereafter. So if it’s a 250 miles round trip then £30.

Sometimes it’s hard to ask for money so I’d do a how much were you thinking does x sound about right?

I totally hear you OP and I voted you are not being unreasonable. This stuff irks me too, and I have never once asked a friend for petrol money. It comes in swings and roundabouts (with most people) and I'm sure you will treat her to a drink or a lunch or something over the weekend so it all evens out. Though I too am not great with finances and this might be why!!

I think that this is one of those things where there is absolutely no right or wrong.

(1) She is going anyway, and she is your friend - no charge.

(2) You are getting to save 100% of petrol costs of driving there yourself, so give her half of the cost of the petrol needed.

(3) You are getting to save 100% of petrol costs, and not wearing out your car or risking damage to it, so give her half of the cost of the petrol needed, plus another 50% on top to contribute to her yearly running costs.

All perfectly reasonable.

Having said that if she's loaded and knows you're on the breadline then she is a very mean person, IMHO. If vice versa you are mean for not offering to pay half (maybe even more) from the outset.

Tbh id be happy if my friend was upfront and asked then I know what my share is. Otherwise I would buy lunch and coffees/dinner and wouldn’t know if id paid enough/too much. I like upfront conversations, we all know where we are then.

My thinking is based on my situation and that of my surrounding environment and friends. That’s why it’s called personal opinion because it’s personal to someone’s circumstances. Not a theoretical idealistic opinion of how things should be…I find that to be even more black and white thinking. 😉

If the op hasn't as much money at the months end why is she arranging girls trips and not factoring in travel costs?

Just as an aside I have rtft and know the op has conceded and going to pay petrol money.

RTFT, even just the OP's replies. She was going to offer anyway.

No, I don't really understand what the issue is either tbf

She wasn’t a close friend by a long long shot, just my young daughter’s friend’s mum. I just felt that she could have offered to pay the parking as I drove. I thought it was standard practise to pay for parking if someone drives you somewhere!

you need to dig a little deeper here and ask yourself where you get this sense of entitlement from?

YABU.

If I’m going on a trip with anyone other than my partner (as we have joint finances) I will always offer to pay either half the petrol or I make up the amount it would have cost by paying for something else.

@Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 Well it is lucky she asked isn't it?
It obviously wouldn't have occurred to you to pony up otherwise. Maybe we would have had your mate on here next week complaining about a CF friend....

Surely there is no set rule about this circumstance.

Would I have asked for it- nope but had a friend asked I would have paid no question.

As you get older this comes up when you go out for food or drinks etc and some people insist on paying for everything which makes some people uncomfortable, some are happy to be freeloaders, some insist on splitting everything when not necessary. My advise is (assuming you aren’t on a strict budget) to go with the flow of the situation and not make a big deal out of it.