Petrol money - girls trip

Of course you pay half the petrol!

i also wouldn't charge a friend for jumping in with me.

But if i jumped in with a friend i'd always offer to pay my way - never been taken up on it though

Since it’s a whole ‘trip’, to save you getting into any further CF territory, you should both use the Splitwise app. It’s brilliant. All expenses anyone has paid, you just pop them in the app and it keeps a tally of who owes who what. Particularly good for large groups.
You’re welcome x

I’d offer money for petrol or pay for a meal/drinks when there.

When I have split petrol money I have either filled up before we left and then when we get back to isolate exact cost or used the RAC fuel calculator to determine cost and split that.

‘both paying equally for the stay.’

But you’re not are you? Because she’s driving and paying for the petrol. If you were going by train would you expect her to pay for your ticket too? Just give her some petrol money.

I understood what you mean, you’re best friends and are sharing the costs by what each of you are contributing, rather that asking for money.
I wouldn’t ask for petrol money especially as you’re bringing drinks and snacks.

That’s how I view it too. A friend took me to an afternoon tea event about 100 miles away, she drove and covered the petrol and I paid for her tea. Isn’t that how it works?

I'm the designated driver on an annual girls weekend away due to a variety of circumstances (we are a 2 car family, everyone else is either a single car family or non driver) so what I do is fill up the car before heading off, then fill up as soon as I've dropped everyone off and then we split the actual cost of fuel.

I’m curious to know what you mean about your husband scoffing about the dynamics in your friendship because I’m actually going to say if I was consistently giving a friend lifts here and there without expecting petrol money I would be a bit miffed if they suddenly expected petrol money from me.

I was going to say YABU but if you’re always the giver and never charge your friend petrol money I think it might be a bit off to then expect you to go halves. Obviously that’s dependent on her financial circumstances.

Fingers crossed she finds some new friends who don’t expect free travel.

Transfer her half of the accommodation cost back… you should pay for the whole thing as you’re going anyway.

Check how much money it would cost you on public transport, OP, and if that's cheaper use that. And if petrol money is cheaper (it will be) pay your share and be thankful you're not having to lug a bag on and off public transport and walk half a mile to your accommodation at the end of it. 50:50 is just that. Not 55:45.

Actually have changed my vote to NBU as paying for lunch en route would have been a nicer way to split the costs, you just didn't get the chance to suggest it!

I would not ask or offer, but I would buy dinner or something and make sure the person wasn't out of pocket.

YABU because she doesn’t share the same values as you and that doesn’t make her tight or wrong, it means she’s exercising free will.

I understand that you like to buy treat foods/drink etc. and see that as your contribution but you’re getting to choose how to reciprocate and I don’t think that’s entirely fair.

I’m often the driver because I don’t drink and I always prefer cash towards petrol rather than supposed treats or coffee/cakes etc.

Outside of a couple relationship where you pool your money, I’d rather choose how to spend mine. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But but but….. buying you a drink or lunch IS asking for money, it’s just a different way of asking

You're being cheeky. Its totally normal to pay towards petrol when someone is driving. Id never expect them to do it for free.

I'm with you! I had lunch with a friend yesterday and she paid. I'll get the next one which might be next week or might be in a month. It'll come out vaguely even sometime without it being formally split.

I think there's a difference of attitude about driving too. Those who dislike it or find it more tiring would expect to be compensated (and compensate) more. Can't see why else someone would offer 65% or even 100% of the petrol money as suggested. I prefer to drive than be a passenger so I see it as overall to my advantage to be the driver and certainly not what to be compensated for it.

This has to be a reverse. Are you the 🚙?

It’s just easier to be straight with folk and split costs, no matter how small it may seem. if not resentment can build up over the years if one person repeatedly doesn't pay their way. I’d also buy a coffee or snacks for the driver (which you are doing). Enjoy your trip!

I wouldn’t ask for money but I’d expect my friend to drive on our next trip, or if she couldn’t consistently share driving offer to help with petrol money. If it was me always driving I’d start to resent it.

In these situations the CFer always says
I wouldn't charge if - it was me
I would lend money -if it was me
I would give xyz- if it was me
Except it never is them doing the giving!

In this situation the Op wants the pat on the back for giving so is irritated she doesn't get it if her friend asks for petrol money .