Petrol money - girls trip

Get the train. Problem solved. Meet her there. Oh wait…..that will cost you money.

Nowhere near. 2 hour drive is maybe 100 miles. Round trip 200 miles. Even in my diesel guzzling estate car it would do the entire trip in half a tank, so about £40. So no more than about £20 each.

I cannot imagine ever quibbling with a supposed long term best friend over that kind of money. There will inevitably be a subsequent trip where I will be driving. More often than not, because of aforementioned estate car, it is me driving 5 or 6 others to events and days out.

Friendships shouldn't be transactional like that.

Sure. But if I am driving then I am driving anyway, that's what I mean by I'm going anyway. It makes no odds to me to have a passenger. I've chosen to drive so I'm expecting to cover the cost of that.

I understand not everyone feels the same hence I would offer to pay towards petrol but I don't accept payment and I don't think it's a ridiculous statement that the driver is going anyway.

I’m like you, but I can certainly understand if money is tight. In some friendships there is always the designated driver. And of course it’s wear and tear on the car + driving in itself.

I think pay her petrol money and ask for the same when you drive. When my friend takes me somewhere with her, I pay for her coffee/lunch/car park fee depending on the distance.

They are going on a planned trip together.
Her friend wouldn’t be going otherwise.

YABU.

Why? That's how I feel as the driver.

Because it's weird to me to be so transactional in a friendship and to try to calculate the wear and tear on the car and the apparent exhaustion of a two hour trip for a friend.

Offering half the petrol money if you can be arsed to work out how much that is is fine (although I would refuse it and have done so). Going over and above that into official mileage rates territory and going over half to make it an actual payment for the favour is like treating a friend as an employee to me.

1. She’s going there anyway

😂 I still can’t get over this. It’s actually so dumb it’s really funny.

I would def offer something towards it. Hate this oh she driving anyway. I have a friend always purse out at last minute. Lol. But nice to offer money I think

Your 'going there anyway' retort is really ungenerous, and illogical. She's going there because you've planned together to go away. Would you ask to get on a train or bus for free because it was "going there anyway"? It can be difficult for friends to be honest about when they need others to contribute, I'd be thankful that she trusts you enough to be honest and pay up (and buy her a coffee to say thanks for driving!)

She is doing you a favour, OP, so just pay her - with good grace. It won't be much, surely - £50, tops?

Generally with adults who are friends it tends to all balance out in the end because friends don't take advantage of each other.

It's a long time since I've given anyone petrol money, because either I'll be doing the driving for the next outing, or we'll agree that I'll get tea, lunch, whatever, or (in advance) we'll agree that I'll buy the tickets and they'll drive.

Only you know the dynamics of your friendship OP, but you'd think after all these years and your supposed close relationship there really shouldn't be any awkwardness.

I don't think I have ever offered or asked anyone for petrol money. That said I am normally the driver on long journeys because I am quite confident driving long distances.

However, if someone has driven I would buy dinner/drinks/coffee or something as a way of acknowledging they have driven and it has cost them in fuel.

I go to a weekend event every year with a friend, and I always drive. It is a 2.5-hour journey there and back. She always buys lunch and coffees with a view to saying thank you.

I don't necessarily think you are a CF op as you have bought snacks, prosecco etc as a way of saying thank you. This is pretty normal in my circles of friends, maybe it's a generational thing.

How have you calculated this without knowing the mpg or distance?

I would expect my best friend to offer and not have to ask tbh.

Well it’s not just the fuel that cost though, is it? If someone always is the driver, it’s of course also the miles on the car and other things in the cost of driving. And the stress and getting tired from driving instead of just being able to sit there half snoozing or looking at your phone.

I am not saying I would accept it either, but it’s a bit weird if you are baffled over this.

You need to pay half. Pop the destination into google maps. I know a tank for me is £75ish which gets me 330 miles appx. If the trip was 200 miles round I’d offer £25 for example. I would also offer half of any parking or to buy her a coffee or drink.

You should have offered rather than force her to ask. This is on you.

Maybe OP consistently pays for her friends meals out or is always the driver in their friendship. Maybe she doesn’t ever charge her friend for multiple lifts she does so that’s why she hasn’t expected to pay this time.

OP will need to clarify that

I don’t think people have read the entire thread.
Money towards petrol, plus snacks and Prosecco is lovely.
You paying for lunch and drinks would probably cost far more, it’s just a different way of paying. I think people like cold, hard cash though.

Strangley I understand where OP is coming from but still think she IBU.

For me:
Normal friend/acquaintance = offer petrol money and expect them to offer
Best friend = don't offer and don't expect offering

I'm not saying that's what it should be for anyone else, but that's just how it works in my personal existance.

I have two best friends and we frequently go away and take turn about driving. Everything is split but the driver just absobs the cost of the fuel. Not sure how we came to this habit but as we're comfortable with money and we split the driving responsibility it balances it in the end as far as we're concerned.

She shouldn’t have had to ask you! The fact she’s had to ask and you haven’t offered, says a lot about you really

Erm not being good with money doesn’t explain why you think your travel to this holiday should, essentially, be free nor why your friend should take on the full cost of you both travelling there. If you don’t fancy paying, get a train ticket. You’ll discover it will cost you 5x as much.

My DH to DS to Exeter for a uni thing recently. One tank of petrol return at £50. To go by train would have been £299 each. You don’t need to be ‘good’ with money to see that a half share of petrol is cheaper than train fare.