Petrol money - girls trip

There’s a lot of CF posts on mumsnet and this has to be one of the absolute worst!
Shes not going there anyway, it’s a holiday you’ve both planned together. Why on Earth should SHE fund that part of it? I know you’ve said you’ll pay, but seemingly begrudgingly and you clearly don’t think you should have to.

When I go away with a friend we always pay half the petrol money and parking and I usually pay for her meal on the way because I appreciate she's done the driving. Of course you should pay half!

Mostly use public transport - but if I drive anywhere, I wouldn't ask for a contribution towards petrol - if discussed ever, would likely be friends saying they'll get coffee/lunch whatever as I'd driven.

Its a joint holiday. You are both paying your own way. You should pay her a share of the travel costs. Why should your friend subsidise you?

I think you're just operating on different systems. She's a "let's split everything so it's fair" person and you're a "I'm a generous person, this isn't a business relationship and I'll make sure I even things up financially" person. I don't think either are wrong.

I think you could either reply to the petrol comment "I've got some snacks and will pay for lunch on the way. Shall we see if that evens things up?" or you could say "no problem, how much do you think is right?" and transfer it.

If you do the second option of sending petrol money, I'd then split all the lunches/snacks/wine buying etc in half and make sure you settle up. Just make sure you don't split things when she's deciding (eg petrol money) and then be generous on top of that (bringing snacks, paying for lunch) as that's when you'll be out of pocket and potentially feel resentful. Actually bringing snacks would be nice as a nod to the fact that she'd putting in the driving effort and you get to sit back and be driven.

Same here. I would NEVER consider not offering petrol money to someone. Even if the person driving is much better off financially, you still OFFER petrol money. It's exceedingly rude and entitled to not offer it. If I was driving, and had a much higher income than the passenger, then I would probably not take the money if I was 'going that way anyway...'

But it's a slippery slope, because once you don't take petrol money, people will start to assume you don't want it - ever. So I would probably take a tenner or something. Even if it was going to take £40 worth of petrol. As I say, it's a slippery slope, and you could be making a rod for your own back not taking anything, as people may take advantage in the future.

As some posters have said, if the passenger can't afford to offer even a tenner towards petrol money, then why are they going away on trips anyway?

Yes I know the OP has now said she will offer petrol money, before anyone comes at me!

😂

You're being unreasonable. Petrol is costly - whatever the circs you should offer to pay half - not just for the fuel but a 'thank you' for her driving you.

Take a hard look at yourself - why so penny pinching? Do you have form in sponging?

You have to be kidding!! Your friends car does not run on fresh air! Even if you were travelling by bus or train you would have to pay.

When me & my friends go on holiday & drive then we all contribute to fuel costs....not that you should even have to ask about it on here.

She’s NOT ‘charging you’, you’re sharing the petrol cost.

She shouldn’t have to ask, you should offer! YABVU!

You've split the cost of everything else so why not the cost of travel? I get that you wouldn't have asked outright if you'd been driving, but that's an irrelevance. Shake of that feeling of annoyance and enjoy your trip.

Yes, if you do prefer to be the driver then it’s your choice.

My friends take me away in their car for weekends away, I always give them petrol money.. and if they say not to worry (out of politeness) I'll buy them a few drinks or a meal. So I would say YABU sorry 😞

If you don't want to pay petrol then get a coach or train, stop being a CF!

In this instance. Presumably public transport would have been an option if she didn't want to drive.

I'm coming at from the perspective of someone who would always rather be the driver, considers myself therefore to have chosen to be drive and yes, "be going there anyway".

I think what I'd do with a friend is say something like the below.

I've been thinking through our driving arrangements and would like to discuss them, because I'm worried I might have inadvertently exploited you in the past. Previously I was thinking that I should give you a little bit of petrol money and provide good snacks for the journey and possibly a meal. But would you actually prefer more petrol money and less snacks? What works best for you? I think you should call the shots when you're driving!

She hasn’t chosen to drive though. OP doesn’t have a car and it’s their only option of getting there by car.

We're in agreement then. I said the same thing. And it still doesn't make the statement about going anyway unreasonable

Says someone who frequently drives. I can’t conceive of the kind of “friendships” some of you have.

Yabu. I don’t know why on earth you’d think you WOULDN’T pay!

No. Treating my friends with respect, and so I would offer to pay. I would turn it down myself, but that is up to me who is paying for it.

Friendships shouldn't be transactional like that.

Says the one not paying for it.

There you go, treating your friends like a business transaction!

I will ask if I can go on the next plane to Sydney if there are empty seats. They are going there anyway, so I can’t see why not. It’s only logical.