Petrol money - girls trip

I always offer petrol money if someone else is driving! Always have. I thought everyone did! Maybe I'm just old... You come across as very entitled.

It’s genuinely weird of you to be getting your knickers in a twist about this, especially with such an old friend! If it were me I’d be buying my friends a few extra drinks, or paying for a lunch, as a thanks for driving. Why make it a big deal when it’s absolutely nothing?!

I don’t think she meant it badly. Yous are sharing the cost of the trip, so when you said how are we getting there she said she would drive and to share the cost that way, following the pattern of the rest of the trip. You are definitely getting the better end of the stick there so definitely no reason to be annoyed.
Im a bit like you though, I would just pay for lunch, drinks whatever and figure it all works itself out but my friend (who doesn’t drive) would be offering money etc. Neither of us are cfs and both very generous, we are just different.

I agree. Where do you draw the line on this logic. She’s going on the trip anyways so she should just pay for the whole room?

My good friend just picked me up and drove me to the airport (an hour away) at 3am for a choir holiday. Of course I paid for half of the airport parking plus I transferred her petrol money too & bought her a coffee at the airport. She drove us both home after the trip at 1 am too! I'm so grateful to her for saying she'd drive. She's a more confident driver than me but we were both shattered after the trip and the M25 was shut so it was a ball-ache getting home. To put it into context a 3rd person asked us for a lift to the airport and didn't offer to chip in for parking or petrol 🤷‍♀️ we all thought she was a CF and my friend had to ask her in departure lounge on way home to chip in! We won't be giving her a lift again I don't think. Even if you're actually not a CF you also don't want to look like a CF 🤷‍♀️ Someone else is doing the heavy lifting of driving, concentrating, route planning, getting petrol before the trip etc whilst you get to fully relax in the passenger seat. It's a no-brainer for me.

You are absolutely being unreasonable. Why should she pay when you are going with her? You split it 50/50 just like the rest of the break.
Your entitlement has "irked" me 🙄

2 hours there and back will be quite a chunk, I think it does depend where you've driven her recently - its only cheeky of you if you rarely drive her that far. It's actually cheeky of her if you regularly don't ask for petrol money and drive her about at least 50% of the time. I'd be annoyed if I regularly shared lifts with my friend, and maybe last girls trip I'd driven for free and then all of a sudden she wanted to charge me - so if this is the case I don't think you're unreasonable.
As you've not said that this is the dynamic, I'm assuming that at most it's been shorter drives and in that situ, you should've offered before she asked.
I personally wouldn't have asked for the money and I'd have assumed my friend would bring a bottle or car sweets etc.

You should deffo give her petrol money. My friend and I went to an event the other week and she gave me petrol money. I paid for parking and drove!

I agree with you @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 I would never ask for petrol money. I think it’s massively small and petty. She’s asked so I would give her it but yeah. Who the hell is so small minded and lacking in social skills/generosity that they ask for petrol money. I have never ever in all my life and I have frequently driven colleagues home after work etc/driven to collect friends/neighbours to save them getting public transport etc. even when I’m not going anyway and I never ever would ask. My colleagues/friends/neighbours have reciprocated over the years and done similar for me. It all evens out. It would make me judge your friend poorly. Mumsnet seems very into paying half. I’m not. I’d pay all and just let the other person pay another time.

Yeah, you’re being unreasonable. You’re already splitting the other costs so what’s the difference?

“I wouldn’t charge her if I drove, but actually I can’t even offer to drive because I don’t have a car that day” doesn’t stand up to much. You’ve booked a trip that you can’t even get to without her doing all the driving!

That's mad. Unless she was dropping the OP off and not benefitting from getting the destination for the holiday herself then anything over 50% makes no sense at all.

I've been a bit surprised in the past by being offered any petrol money. If someone offered to cover my entire trip I'd think they were making a weird joke

IMHO you should pay all the petrol. She is doing the work of driving and her car is getting the wear and tear. If I were you I’d offer to pay it all.

Definitely pay her

It's good manners to offer, it gives the other person the choice to accept or decline.
It's NOT a favour to offer/ pay your share of costs that's the ill mannered part and rather entitled.

I'd always offer and if the person driving refused petrol money I'd probably buy them a meal when we got there. I occasionally get a lift home from work from a work colleague, its only about a mile and a half and its on her way. I do really appreciate it and if it became a regular thing I would offer her money. Perhaps the OP needs to become less generous if she's leaving herself short at the end of the month.

If it was me and my bestie, I wouldn't dream of asking for petrol money. She can't drive but we've been to lots of places together and I'd never ask for petrol money!

I disagree. And wouldn't want my friends not to think of it as a favour.

It's easier all round to offer and I would offer. But it's not a big deal at all not to.

Sorry, but why is not towing the AIBU let's all berate the OP as a CF line being on my high horse? That is your interpretation of my motivation. I don't feel superior, I feel confused by the fact that there are apparently so many people out there who can afford weekends away, but have to ask their friends for money for petrol. And are actively noting this down to ensure the books are balanced.

I also think most here have completely misunderstood the OP. She was intending to contribute in other ways. So now, because MN has declared her a CF, she ends up bringing treats and drinks and pays for petrol. How is that even remotely fair, if everything has to be divided completely down the middle?

Friendships clearly mean something very different to me than they do to you.

isn't shocking or outrageously CF not to offer and to treat it as a favour being repaid in food and drinks

It's CFery to think of it as a favour, just offer and pay your share.

A few posters on here need to get off their high horse.
Goes both ways. There are plenty on tie high horse of calling it outrageous behaviour not to offer. It isn't, especially as OP is happily paying. Just differing attitudes to money within friendships.

It's nice to offer to pay towards petrol. It's shit to not pay if you have been asked to. It isn't shocking or outrageously CF not to offer and to treat it as a favour being repaid in food and drinks.

Yeah… you have no chance of winning this argument

Glad you’ve seen the error of your ways but crikey, I’m always shocked when people genuinely hold these CF mindsets and can’t see the issues on their own?!

I do most of the driving with my friends because I have a large car. And have never asked for petrol money.

Good for you. It's almost like people are all different isn't it? 🙄

There is no right or wrong, and people who just love to drive 'all their friends' around free of charge, continually, are not superior to those who don't.

A few posters on here need to get off their high horse.

Precisely. I do most of the driving with my friends because I have a large car. And have never asked for petrol money.
It is bizarre to me that 'friends' are keeping a tally on who owes who and how much.

If you had read my other posts on here, you would know that in my friendship group, I am the one who is paying for it. And that if my friends give me money, I make sure I indirectly give it back. I do not like to be paid for petrol.