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AIBU?

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Original poster

Petrol money - girls trip

312 replies

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 07:40

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

OP posts:
Reallyneedsaholiday · 09/06/2025 16:00

DappledThings · 08/06/2025 08:39

How is one person paying for the entire travel expenses equal? The friend who is accepting that money is profiteering. I couldn't be ok with taking their money. It would be completely taking the piss.

Show quote history

So you pay your friend as you would a taxi driver? Because that’s the other option.

Phoenixfire1988 · 09/06/2025 14:37

Of course you pay half the petrol money just because you wouldn't ask doesn't mean she's wrong to if it irks you that much jump a train which will probably cost alot more depending on distance

PissedOff2020 · 09/06/2025 13:00

Datsafunnyone · 06/06/2025 07:44

She's not "going there anyway". You're going together. Give her some petrol money.

Exactly! They’ve planned a trip together, neither is going without the other.

If someone is good enough to drive you there, at the least you offer to pay for the fuel!

When we do girly trips we always split petrol and parking costs, just a given. Why should one of you have the chore of driving and have to pay more for the ‘privilege’.

Justus6 · 08/06/2025 10:06

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 07:40

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

So your are both paying equal however your expect your best friend to pay extra fuel cost herself?

DappledThings · 08/06/2025 08:39

Reallyneedsaholiday · 08/06/2025 08:15

Well, you do you. I prefer an equal friendship.

Show quote history

How is one person paying for the entire travel expenses equal? The friend who is accepting that money is profiteering. I couldn't be ok with taking their money. It would be completely taking the piss.

MyCyanReader · 08/06/2025 08:32

@Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 I don't understand why you'd feel irked.

If you lift share then it's fair to pay half the petrol.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 08/06/2025 08:15

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 22:07

She's a friend who is happy to make a financial profit on giving you a lift? Not a kind of friend I'd like to be.

Show quote history

Well, you do you. I prefer an equal friendship.

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 22:07

Reallyneedsaholiday · 07/06/2025 22:00

Well, yes … because we are FRIENDS

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She's a friend who is happy to make a financial profit on giving you a lift? Not a kind of friend I'd like to be.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 07/06/2025 22:00

DappledThings · 06/06/2025 23:42

And she accepts that? Now that's CF behaviour to me. Blatant profiteering off a friend.

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Well, yes … because we are FRIENDS

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 17:34

Pherian · 07/06/2025 15:37

If you aren’t happy with giving her petrol money then take another form of transport… You could drive and offer to take her for free… I mean after all you’re going there anyway.

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This is literally what she said she would do if her husband didn't need their car that weekend

Pherian · 07/06/2025 15:37

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 07:40

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

If you aren’t happy with giving her petrol money then take another form of transport… You could drive and offer to take her for free… I mean after all you’re going there anyway.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 07/06/2025 12:32

if you were both going by public transport you wouldn’t expect to not pay your train/bus/plane fair because “she is going there anyway” stop being a cf and cough up!

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 07/06/2025 09:44

Lots more comments wanted to clarify
I’m not annoyed
I’m not moaning
I simply asked if it was reasonable to feel irked. As I stated before, it’s not the money per se, it’s just more my views on money and how that plays out in close relationships. If having a different view or being inquisitive about others views makes me a CF and entitled then fair play!

OP posts:
ALJT · 07/06/2025 09:41

Yes she’s going anyway but she’s only going because you arranged it with her so half the petrol money or find a way. I couldn’t be moaning about trying to get a free trip there

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 09:40

BIossomtoes · 07/06/2025 09:23

It would never occur to me to ask for petrol money, like you I’d say something like “You get lunch” or “You pay for the wine at dinner”.

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Not like me in that I would continue to split food and drink equally after arrival and not be expecting or wanting any financial recompense for making a journey I was already making.

As we are now into the cricket season DH will spend multiple Saturdays coming up giving lifts to away games across the county. He'd find it really weird if anyone offered him petrol money for it because the "he's going there anyway" concept that is apparently insane to some posters also remains true in that scenario.

BIossomtoes · 07/06/2025 09:23

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 07:25

If her husband didn't need the car she would have driven, given the friend a lift and not expected or asked for any petrol money. Same as I would. And other posters. That's the whole point of the thread.

Show quote history

It would never occur to me to ask for petrol money, like you I’d say something like “You get lunch” or “You pay for the wine at dinner”.

BlueMum16 · 07/06/2025 07:29

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 10:48

The thing is I genuinely wouldn’t ask for money. I’d say, you can get me a drink or you can buy lunch (within reason though!) I always felt like friendship is swings and roundabouts not the calculation to the letter of moneys spent etc. Again, possibly why I’m broke 😂 I’m really not trying to take advantage, despite most of this forum thinking so.

This is what I would do too but now she's asked for half the petrol money just ask how much much.

It's probably less than treating her to lunch.

DappledThings · 07/06/2025 07:25

Moomoo06 · 07/06/2025 04:32

If your husband didn't need the car what would be the point in you both driving and both paying your own petrol money when yous could share? You have both halved the cost of your stay so share a car and half the cost of your travel! Why would you even think you shouldn't and why would you create a post about this you wierdo! Thank God I dont have friends like you!

If her husband didn't need the car she would have driven, given the friend a lift and not expected or asked for any petrol money. Same as I would. And other posters. That's the whole point of the thread.

Ivy888 · 07/06/2025 06:36

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:46

On a serious note thank you all. Maybe (definitely) I have a weird attitude to money. I would personally prefer to pay for a nice lunch then transfer money, that’s on me and I take that onboard. I will ask how much and pay.

If you struggle with handing over money why don’t you simply pay for the petrol when she goes to fill up the car?
what you’re doing is paying money for fancy things which the other person might not want to avoid paying the obvious.

Moomoo06 · 07/06/2025 04:32

If your husband didn't need the car what would be the point in you both driving and both paying your own petrol money when yous could share? You have both halved the cost of your stay so share a car and half the cost of your travel! Why would you even think you shouldn't and why would you create a post about this you wierdo! Thank God I dont have friends like you!

JustCopyeditorsAnnie · 06/06/2025 23:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DappledThings · 06/06/2025 23:42

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/06/2025 23:36

If my friend drives, I pay for ALL the petrol to say thank you. Mind boggling that anyone would be annoyed at being asked for their half of the cost.

And she accepts that? Now that's CF behaviour to me. Blatant profiteering off a friend.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/06/2025 23:36

If my friend drives, I pay for ALL the petrol to say thank you. Mind boggling that anyone would be annoyed at being asked for their half of the cost.

LJ125 · 06/06/2025 22:54

OP, I get that the weight of opinion on here is against us but I’m with you. I might have thought about petrol money when I was a student but it wouldn’t cross my mind now I’m in my 40s. I like to drive and I don’t drink alcohol so have given countless lifts to friends over the years, including long drives, and it’s never once crossed my mind to expect a contribution nor has anyone (lots of different friends) ever offered. It’s often reflected in a different way - someone will buy me a drink, or cover my lunch or send me flowers to say thank you. Those gestures mean so much more to me than someone counting out some pound coins which frankly feels a bit cheap and embarrassing.

EagerPlayer · 06/06/2025 20:56

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 07:40

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

She shouldn’t have to ask!