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AIBU?

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Original poster

Petrol money - girls trip

312 replies

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 07:40

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 06/06/2025 08:25

nomas · 06/06/2025 08:08

My best friend didn’t drive. The expectation that would always give a lift got really tired. Even for long trips taking hours she never offered petrol money.

I think that often people who don't drive don't realize the cost of running a car. (In fact, the same applies to many drivers too!) The cost of petrol is probably the least of it.

Advocodo · 06/06/2025 08:25

I was miffed once when i took a not very close friend clothes shopping as a kind gesture cos she was suddenly banned from driving owing to an epileptic fit and she didn’t pay or offer the parking fees which were quite expensive and a long time ago when you could only pay by cash.

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:24

if someone says “I’ll drive just pay me petrol money” then that doesn’t give the other person much time to offer but as I said a few times, it’s not that I’d never pay, I was just going to pay for other bits and pieces. Now to calculate fuel! Have a great day!

OP posts:
TimeForATerf · 06/06/2025 08:24

DH drives a lot on golf trips etc, mainly because he likes driving but also has the biggest most comfortable car capable of carrying large men and several sets of golf clubs. He usually fills up as soon as he’s collected everyone, then before he drops everyone off he fills up again, the cost of the fuel on the second fill up is split between the drivers. That way you know what has been spent and it’s fair, none of this “should I give £10 or £50”.

Letmeuseanywordiwant · 06/06/2025 08:23

I agree with you OP. I wouldn’t have charged my pal in this context

Sofiewoo · 06/06/2025 08:22

My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why?

So you spaff money and its causing problems in your relationship and you’re blaming it on your friends because she wants you to pay your own way?!

gingercat02 · 06/06/2025 08:21

That's like getting a bus or train and expecting it to be free as they are going there anyway 🤣

RH1234 · 06/06/2025 08:21

I have a friend similar, I would not ask for petrol, but I know he’d pay for dinner etc

YinYangalang · 06/06/2025 08:20

What @LillyPJ says is true.

I would guess if your friend put a post on mumsnet it would be about how tight you are and that she always has to ask you to contribute towards costs.

Does she always have to drive too? Sounds like you take advantage of her.

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:20

I don’t resent her at all!

OP posts:
Advocodo · 06/06/2025 08:19

You are being so unreasonable here and so far 99% of people feel the same. You are not able to make your own way as your husband needs the car so she needs to drive but then you resent giving her some petrol money!

LillyPJ · 06/06/2025 08:18

Yes, YABVU. It's a shame she had to ask you though - you should have offered to pay as soon as you knew she'd have to drive.

SaraJon · 06/06/2025 08:17

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SaraJon · 06/06/2025 08:16

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Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:16

Absolutely! Always would pay for drinks/ snacks etc, when I didn’t drive I got a lift to work from a work friend occasionally and I’d always hand her over money on the journey.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 06/06/2025 08:16

Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:11

As it’s not until next month of course I would have offered petrol money/ bought cocktails/ paid for lunch on the way. As I said I’ve got some bits and pieces already. What do you transfer? £50? £20? Do you ask the driver or just pay what you think it would cost?

If you were going to offer petrol money why are you upset that she asked? Is it that she didn’t give you the chance to offer?

YinYangalang · 06/06/2025 08:15

I always insist on paying my share of petrol costs or I pay for the parking. If someone is willing to drive me around I am grateful for it. I don’t mind driving and often drive long distances but I prefer to be a passenger 😂

Duckiess · 06/06/2025 08:15

I don’t normally ask for petrol money because the passenger usually offers dinner, coffee or parking whichever is close to the cost. A bottle of Prosecco and snacks doesn’t balance it out, especially if the Prosecco was a gift to you. I do ask people who I know are CF though.

DinoLil · 06/06/2025 08:15

Why would you even think twice about it? Of course you share the cost of petrol.

Geez, a friend picks me up once a month on her way (note, on her way) to a pub quiz and drops me home. Not from or to the door, I meet her at the end of my road. The pub is a 10 minute walk from mine. I always either buy her a drink or pay her quiz entry. I wouldn't feel happy accepting, otherwise.

JustMyView13 · 06/06/2025 08:14

Honestly, I’d give generously for the petrol to cover the fact you’re also able to be a passenger princess. My sisters car is sooo much nicer for long journeys. I’ll usually just cover all the petrol given its wear & tear on her car and I’m not having to drive.
I’m also in charge of snacks. I guess I just don’t like to leave people feeling like I’ve taken the piss.

HappyAsASandboy · 06/06/2025 08:14

You should definitely pay half of the petrol, and buy the coffee if you stop half way!

Your friend is not only paying for the petrol, but also doing the driving, taking the wear on her car, and risking her car being damaged/accident/breakdown etc during the journey.

You either take it in turns or you pay your way.

babasaclover · 06/06/2025 08:14

You are being beyond ridiculous she is only going anyway because of your trip, it’s not on her way anywhere 😂😂😂

NeedToChangeName · 06/06/2025 08:12

I wouldn't have asked a friend to pay

Unless I always did all the driving for our trips

MummyJ36 · 06/06/2025 08:12

I’m going to go against the grain and say that I never really thought about “petrol money” as a concept once I got past a certain age. Understandable if yours driving for hours and hours on end but even then I personally wouldn’t ask for it unless I was really strapped for cash. I always find it quite bizarre when people 30+ who are relatively comfortable both offer and accept petrol money for journeys of a couple of hours or under. Especially in longer term friendships where it is inevitable that you will have paid more/less at different points.

Of course if both parties are very very strapped for cash that’s different.

Original poster
Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 · 06/06/2025 08:12

Or do I pay what a train would cost?

OP posts: