Today I sent a venting msg about a work colleague to the colleague

That is really awful. So unprofessional to bitch about work colleagues to other work colleagues. It creates a very toxic work environment for all. If you want to vent, that’s what husbands are for.

The worst I have done is send a scathing email about the quality of work we were receiving from a law firm pretty much saying we need to look for another firm but I sent it to the law firm rather than the intended internal recipient. But it wasn’t a personal attack and even then I was mortified.

OP, I know it's awks but I think you need to own to it and message, or even call her, to apologise. It's more common that you think and the reason I don't bitch in writing because I 100% know I'd end up sending to the wrong person (not because I am morally superior ;)

I did this to my boss! Was at a work event with him and he was being way to enthusiastic about it all.....when he went to get coffee I fired off a message to a colleague but sent to him by mistake (in my defence I was extremely jetlagged). He hadn't seen it when he returned with coffee but I apologised immediately - he read the message and grinned. Fortunately I hadn't been too obnoxious. We got on great but I felt really guilty for the rest of the event as he dialled his enthusiasm back

She’s hurt. She knows it’s about her. And you made it worse by making it out not to be about her.
She probably does feel like shit, and you honestly should consider that the way you feel about someone says as much about you (if not more) than it does them.

work place bullying / gross misconduct /misuse of office computer / wasting company time.

the list is endless, and this behavior will come back and bite you in the ass, so to speak.

it’s ok to be frustrated but those thoughts need to be kept private.

You need to sit down face to face with her and apologise properly.

not because you’ve been caught, not because you’re sad she’s upset but a genuine display of remorse.

*receive

Imagine the responses the recipient of this message would get of she started a thread about recieving your message OP. She has good grounds to go to HR with this and you will be on the recieving end of a disciplinary or worse depending what you said. It was a really stupid thing to do. Reflect on how you would feel on the recieving end of this, rather than how you feel having done it. The fact you say you hope she's not upset shows how immature you are. Of course she's upset, anybody would be.

Imagine being the person that received this "banter vent" yesterday, bring told it wasn't about them, giving them the benefit of the doubt for their own peace of mind to see today on MN it was indeed about them.

As well as reporting the email to HR I expect if they have seen this the thread may also be linked to any complaint to HR or indeed perhaps the HR team will have seen this too.

say it, forget it. Write it, regret it

Even if the person is a bully - and there is absolutely nothing at all in the OP to suggest that, just that these two find her "annoying" - it is still bullying. If it were "banter" about somebody being black, we'd need to reserve judgement until we found out whether they deserved bullying? Perhaps she's "annoying" because of her tic, or her compulsion to tidy things - but bullying someone based on their disability or mannerism might be ok if they deserve it?

There is no excuse for bullying, and this was not "banter". It was bullying. Cowards hide behind excuses like that. If there is genuinely an issue then you deal with it openly and honestly like an adult. If you simply find someone difficult then adults accept that people are different and don't make a song and dance about it.

And the OP isn't slightly sorry for what they did - they decided to fix how terrible they feel it by posting it all here for public consumption. Let's hope the recipient of their bullying isn't on here reading about herself again.

Hopefully the recipient got a screenshot of the message and has gone to HR.

Have fun with HR today.

I kept receiving messages from someone at a different site bitching about a colleague. I replied a couple of times saying that she’d got the wrong person, I didn’t work there and didn’t want to recover this type of message. On the third time I forwarded the message to everyone at her site.

I would stop bitching, it’s not a good look.

Zero sympathy from me, OP. Never write anything down that you wouldn't be happy being read out at a tribunal.
I manage large teams and this sort of bitching - sorry, "banter" - makes for a toxic culture. Grow up and sort out any problems like adults.

You need to reflect about yourself as a person, if what you are saying about other woman at work is so bad, you fear the sack if it is revealed to them.

Oh my absolute sympathy op!

I did this years ago and it still chills me to the bone when I think about it…

i really liked the person but she was famous for being a bit lazy at work and me and a pal were moaning about her laziness and yes I sent it to the woman we were moaning about. I owned it and apologised. She didn’t care and went on being my friend.

funniky enough I now see the whole incident with new eyes, as I am getting older … she was approaching retirement and we were young newbies….she wasn’t lazy , she just wasn’t in her twenties…. She just had a different attitude to work….

Never ever put anything in writing you wouldn’t want read out in court in front of that person and a judge.

Having a 'bit of banter'? In my head this means having a bitch. And it's people like you who make other people's lives a misery at work. I'm glad you're feeling awkward about it. Maybe you'll think more in the future.

Oh this happened to me. Just been promoted, got back to my desk to see a message pop up from someone I thought was a friend slagging me off, saying I'd shagged our boss to get the role....She apologised and the other one owned up, they both had to redo the IT policy training and I didn't trust them again. They went to lunch with each other every day, just bitch about me over a sandwich FFS.

I caught a mate bitching about my flowery teaching style in the staff room and had a email sent from a manager in error, effect having a bitch with another manager.

The first one is still my friend. The second one I resigned straight afterwards. I didn’t take it personally though. I like a gossip too.

Three words OP.

Subject access request.

Always do your venting verbally and not in writing.

Hopefully the op won't do it again.

There is a fine line between banter and bullying. My sympathies are with the recipient, even if they are a pain in the arse. More likely they are very efficient or a bit different from the herd.

If I were your manager, I'd be looking at the time sent if it came to me, and wondering if you wrote it on yiur time or work time.

The op does not come out of this well and I hope will grow up soon.

I also have several emails to the union about my manager. Again no name calling or bitching just facts about what she said or did.

I used to work in a team of four. We were quite young. There was a manager who was quite up herself as she was favoured by senior leaders and enjoyed quite privileged treatment, but generally OK. For some reason, I forget why, one of us took a real dislike to her, and she would send emails calling her all sorts of really unkind personal names. I, thankfully, didn’t get drawn in. This colleague really went to town on this manager. I left the role actually but heard afterwards that someone must have reported her because apparently they started monitoring her emails without her knowledge. One day she was called into the office, with her manager and this other manager, and they had a pile of her printed out emails which they then read out word for word, while she squirmed in her seat. Needless to say she was immediately fired. I see her on FB now. She’s moved a long way away and seems to be in quite a senior position in a large organisation now. It was all more than 20 years ago. I often wonder if she ever cringes about that and whether she learnt a huge lesson that day.

I'm being subtly bullied by my line manager. I have discussed this with my two very close colleagues from my previous department and also spoken to them on email, the latter just matter of fact "Sarah won't allow me to do it". No moaning or name calling, just support. Certainly not banter. I don't believe in banter. Are we bullies then?