Today I sent a venting msg about a work colleague to the colleague

I've done similar that I'd like to confess.
One Christmas, I regifted something my DM had given me to my manager at work. One day my DM was coming to my work and I realised she might recognise the regifted item while at my work so I texted her “I regifted that xxx you got me to (my manager)for Christmas, so don't say anything to her about it if you see it please.”. Except in my haste I texted that to my manager and not my mum!
Now everytime I hear about someone doing similar I feel embarrassed all over again, now for them and myself.

I sent a text to my friend complaining about my husband and asking why 'he insists on being such a total and utter prick' ... but obviously sent it to him and not her didn't I 👌

‘Banter’ is back and forth joking with another person between you. Talking behind people’s backs and exchanging messages about them isn’t ‘banter’, it’s mean spirited gossiping that reminds me of teenagers at school who think they can impres people by bitching about others. Time to grow up really. She can’t be that bad if you feel guilty and have apologised.

Through!! Not true. I will have the grammar police on me 🙈

I didn’t know either until my mother added a very personal message to her Whatapp status that is like a public thing that everyone can see. My cousin messaged me to tell me and I had to talk her true getting it down. Bloody nightmare. She did it a few times🙈🙈🙈

Totally not the point of this thread, but what’s a WhatsApp story…? Seen them
on FB but didn’t know there was a WhatsApp equivalent

You posted in AIBU. If that is the case it wasn’t well written.
so what did you say in the message and what has she done to you?

I think it’s a common occurrence when you are riled up about a particular person; their name is in your head so you enter their name as the recipient. Easy mistake.

Did the exact same thing in my first job on the internal messenger chat! I was only 17 to be fair though and it taught me a lesson. I still remember the awful moment of realisation 😱

I did this when I was young and stupid. Got a (deserved) written warning, but I owned up and didn't make excuses and was clearly honestly sorry so it didn't have lasting impact.

Then it happened to me and I felt it from the other side, too. I learned a lot from both experiences.

Done this in a team WhatsApp group. Woman on the team grips everyone’s shit. Called her a twat and posted it in the group

OP this has happened to many people and somehow everyone survives (and maybe becomes a little wiser). Hope it blows over soon.

And the OP might prefer to get on with her work and not be bitching about colleagues, because right now she's the one potentially facing a grievance.

People are often too scared to report it. Frightening thing is, this idiot Lecturer is now Head of School in a college. I don't work with him now, so no skin in the game but sickening what people get away with. I was a visiting lecturer atvthe time so had to 'fall in line'.

I did something similar years ago and it was horrible I felt awful but I just did not get on with this woman at all. Lots of silence for a few months but we did eventually hash it out (there were lots of bullying type things going on within our team at the time) and worked things out. You’ve apologised there is nothing else you can do. Be aware this may get flagged to your manager (this happened to me) so be prepared for that conversation.

Everywhere I have worked, the people above me are favoured over me. However, I wasn't talking about illegal discrimination like you were.

OP's colleague might prefer to be talked about than have a grievance procedure against her!

And n many plaes it would be a sackable offence.

Well I found that her disability discrimination and attempts to unfairly dismiss me were not what I wanted. So in line with the grievance procedure I did what they said - went to her boss! Perhaps other workplaces don't allow you to use the grievance procedure, but I was fairly sure that the law says you have to have one and allow it to be used. It did save them a lot of money having to lose an employment tribunal.

Where have you worked where you can't use the grievance procedure against a manager?

I was the victim of this some 20 years ago. I’d asked a colleague to do something and she left a message on my voicemail rather than my team leader basically mocking me, my manner, my request and completely dismissing me. It upset me terribly at the time as it was so personal.

I forwarded it to my team leader and asked him to deal with it. She was taken to task and reprimanded. She did apologise.

In reality, she was a lazy, incompetent cow who deflected from her unwillingness to do her job by making everyone else the problem.

I hope you do feel bad and maybe reflect on who is the actual problem here.

I've seen fellow lecturers going on to a colleague's unattended laptop and sending similar sex based emails from colleague's email address. It should be a sackable offence. Anybody with that mentality really shouldn't be in professional positions.

I remember my manager emailing her seniors about a colleague and how difficult and miserable he was, bringing the whole team down but she copied him in.
They tried to hush it up but we soon all found out.
She was mortified and had to gushingly apologise to him in a high profile meeting. Bet he loved that, he really was a knob.
She continued as his manager, but it must have been really hard.

Were you using your work email for private/unprofessional messages? Let's hope she doesn't ask HR to look into that 😬

Where did OP say that she feared the sack?

How is this relevant to the OP?

Why do you raise a grievance about to your boss? Usually you have to go to....your boss! Sometimes the complaints are about the big boss so there's nobody you can go to and in other places, complaints about the hierarchy are just not accepted.