To think it’s not ok for Dh to nip out to the shop

Well this is ridiculous.

If you want to leave the house, you'll have to tell her to stop nipping back and forth like a boomerang.

Check it's ok with the mum and tell your DD to stay there till you're home.

OP, I agree with you.

I think someone should be home for DD in case the friend’s mum had an emergency. Then in a rush, she has to read some note at the door that DH has gone to the shops. Meanwhile your DH is having a smoke and looking at the waves at the beach and has not been five minutes, but an hour.

And you are at work.

This arrangement with the friend’s mum isn’t a daycare or nanny service, the friend’s visit can be short or long. A parent should be at home.

One time for him to be there.? He’s there every night for her by the sounds of it. What a drama just give him the phone number of the neighbour.

Seems daft to me to regard yourself as a prisoner in the house just because your child is playing at the neighbour's. Time to get this arrangement more structured.

“Palestar · Today 22:21

saltinesandcoffeecups · Today 22:17
So realistically how far away is the shop? It doesn’t sound like him nipping out to by cigarettes would take that long. (There’s a lot of nipping in this thread the word has lost all meaning to me).
I think you’re being a little rigid here.

I found out recently that name for that is semantic satiation, which sounds nicer than it feels when it happens”

@Palestar / @saltinesandcoffeecups - not the point of this thread but it’s a relief to know this happens to other people and is a thing. It always feels a bit bonkers when it’s happening. Like - cat? What’s a cat?

I'm the most relaxed parent ever but this 'arrangement' has got problems written all over it.

Like one of those situations where a child goes missing and both households tell the police they assumed the child was in the other house.

Surely there has to be a tiny bit of structure here?

In my opinion you sound like his parent telling him what he can and can’t do.

The deeper problem seems to be dps addiction. He seems to just need his fix and (from experiece) when you ‘need’ it 2 hours probably just is too long. We all have vices.
but we shouldn’t let them influence the children

I should add, it wouldn't be a big deal if I popped out for 5 minutes or even half an hour without letting my neighbour know. We do have each other's numbers though and I would always text her. But if I didn't for some reason, it wouldn't be a big deal

I think you’re a bit bananas, OP! Maybe I’m just a Xennial but if you can’t handle being unable to nip back to grab a snack or toy from your house for 10 whole minutes as a 7yo, that’s insane. I’m with your DH, just nip out. Just knock on and let the neighbour know.

You seriously just sit in, on the off-chance that they might nip back, even if you really need something?

This is so bizarre! I have a 7 year old and 3 year old and live in a cul de sac where the kids play in each other's houses and out front together all the time. If my 7 year old is playing out or at my neighbour's house and I want to or need to pop out I just let my neighbour know that she is the supervising adult and off I go. Same goes vice versa. The kids would not be scared if they went back to their home and found no one there, they would just go back to playing outside or at the other home, and if they needed something ask the other parent who was available.

Obviously with my 3 year old it's slightly different, she plays out with the big kids but if she goes over to my neighbour's house to play then it's an arrangement I make properly with my neighbour. The bigger kids knock on each other's doors and go between the houses more freely, though we do make sure there is always one adult around in either house who knows where they are.

I suspect it’s more that the OP doesn’t like him smoking - can’t blame her there - it’s expensive and a horrible habit! Otherwise it would have been irrelevant what he was going out to get.

Yes. He should have able to go a couple of hours without a ciggy, or plan better as he knew you were going to work, BUT I don’t see the issue with him nipping out to the shop. He needs the number for those other parent as there could be many reasons he needs to get hold of her (whether to say DD needs to come home now, to let her know no-one will be home for 10 mins or to ask for some childcare help in an emergency). Your daughter is 7, she’s old enough to start having a little independence and responsibility such as walking to or from a neighbours house in these circumstances (assuming no roads to cross). It would be good to teach her what to do if you weren’t there (you mentioned she’d be home alone, but presumably the door would be locked so she wouldn’t end up in the house alone).

This is what I mean, why wouldn’t he just go round? Perhaps he wasn’t functionally able to…

Im assuming you don’t smoke and would prefer that he didn’t either?

Oh FFS 🙄

Could he have taken her to look at the waves?
I feel like there is something fishy about this story, was he off to do something more than buy cigarettes? ….something less legal perhaps?

I find it weird that your DD just comes and goes with no set times... when does she have dinner? Bath etc. Surely the joy of play dates is that you can get things done and go out if needed... but you just sit at home waiting for her to maybe nip back.

Would your DD not just go back to her friend’s house if nobody was home or call out to the Gran? You said it was just a few doors down, right?

I think you need to do a few things here…

1. Give you DH their contact information! (Seriously how hard is this?)
2. Talk to your DD about what she should do if for some reason neither of you are home when she returns (This could happen even if you were there… another neighbor has an emergency, you need to nip to the shop, etc.) She’s at a great age to have this conversation with.
3. Relax a little bit.