Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

Any husband that does that is not good or okay.

I hope you have a great day - and try not to give any headspace as to why.

It's an odd thing in my birth family and family I married into that good to okay husbands often pull this trick - something important to wife trip out - and last minute want to cancel depite seeming keen before hand- if you drag them along often they are PA or just sulk and are a source of stress - over multiple generations and my own experiences only thing to do is completely ignore the shit out of it and go do the thing yourself with others - or if they go ignore the shit out of their behavior till they flip to this is best thing ever - which can cause resentment they made it so hard.

No idea WTF is going on - it's incredibly annoying there can be huge gaps between it happen but it's always likely to happen again and I can't see any benefit to them.

As you can easily walk away - I'd do so.

This! ⬆️ Go, have a great time, dump him when you get back!

Also sometimes ex-wives are relieved when their abusive ex has a partner as it gets them out of the spotlight of being the target of discharge for narc rage whilst they are distracted in the love-bombing of the new target. My friend always knows when the current GF of her narc ex is being devalued and discarded because ex starts dicking around with her again.

That poor 7 year old - he will no doubt double down and take his miserable raging mood out on them which I suspect they have been endured before.

He is a grim parent - I suspect that is why his long marriage ended when he had two tiny children - he just couldnt cope with not being No1 and is too precious to collaborate and pitch in.

I also 100% guarantee that is 50/50 child sharing is not because he loves it - its to not pay maintenance. What you have seen with his nice/no drama ex wife - is her walking on eggshells and knowing how not to poke the bear for the benefit of her DCs.

I wonder if you could give her a subtle heads up - just say it was nice to have met you but letting you know the relationship has ended - this might save her 7 year old from his anger.

Whats his relationship history since the marriage ended?

Well done OP you have managed this brilliantly for you and your DCs. You have also learned who this man really is and will have a great weekend with your children. It may not feel like it now but this is a win for you and your kids.

Have a wonderful weekend.

He has shown you who he really is believe him and walk away.
Feel your feelings you dont need answers to why this or why that just be glad you've seen him.
The world is full of people and new opportunities look forward to these and leave this person behind he was just part of your life as a lesson.
Dont give him anymore headspace .

He had his kids 50% of the time. He gets more of a break from them than most people do their kids, and certainly more than OP.

Have a lovely day with your kids OP :)

Your friend's comment really struck a chord with me. It sounds exactly like my ex-husband who, in retrospect, I realised was a total narcissist (although at the time it was difficult to see the picture clearly as he gaslit me constantly).

It got to a stage where I came to dread any events I should have enjoyed, because I knew he would ruin it with his behaviour, but then turn it around and make me the villain.

It nearly wrecked my head. You've had a lucky escape.

I agree with this. I know lots of people in sub par marriages who have drifted apart but rub along reasonably well. It’s usually women who end a marriage and as many MN threads demonstrate, it takes a LOT!

The only exception are people who are very rich. They can walk away without compromising on their living arrangements

I'd just take my own children and go, and enjoy myself! He's obviously pissing you about, and you don't deserve that. Neither do your children, or his children for that matter! Dick head!

I hope you have THE best weekend x

Your missing the point, he planned the weekend away with all children this weekend then decided he didn't won't to do children weekend, so of course he can have a child free weekend but what about the other two children here,
Remember it was him via work Gift planned this,

Have a lovely time OP. I’m sure your children are happy that it’s just you and them going.

As far as his previous relationship goes. I’m always wary of people that say they ‘just drifted apart’ from their marriage. Normally one person has been a massive dick and I think we know who it was!

Have you not read any of the other posts/updates? It’s not the first time he’s let her down wirh plans and he was nasty last night to try to punish her.

You need to give yourself a round of applause @Tulipsdaisy you might’ve given him the benefit of the doubt a few times but once he crossed a line, you asserted yourself, you didn’t rush to introduce him to your DC neither.
Your DC have a wonderful mum and you my dear, sound like you won’t accept shitty behaviour or toxic people to trample your boundaries. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
well done x

And this is why men get away with this behaviour.

Maybe he genuinely needs a break from the children, we all have limits,you are seeing this from your perspective and think it's selfish but if the roles were reversed you would want him to support you,if he does it regularly then maybe he is selfish but that's up to you to decide.

He 100% wanted to see if you'd dump your kids to do the weekend childfree.

He's now agast that you do not see him as a priority above them (as they rightly should!).

You failed the 'pick me' test.

Well done!

Have a fabulous day with your DC and well done for kicking him to the kerb! Sounds like you are well rid.

The contempt on his face...that look you'd never seen before...probably because you stood up to him. In your initial text you created a boundary and called him out. You weren't rude or confrontational, you simply responded truthfully.

A saying I heard once. "No one is angrier than a narcissist being accused of something they definitely did."

These people are never wrong.

Hay op you stand proud your head up high, you confronted him, you choose your children over his child free weekend, you done great op 👍

He was testing you testing your loyalty to him over your children, well he failed big time,

What dad can drop his own children, children who thought they were going away for the weekend, how cruel is he, his xw too just drop in at last moment ' he not having his children, how the bloody hell does that work!!

His test failed op and he will be fuming not sulking this weekend just angry his plan didn't work out, he will be planning a way back, what to say ,how to get out of this without him taking any responsibility ( his daughter will be blamed), he will play it down be flippant,

Well you now have seen him for what he is op, but he never banked on you being this very independent woman who put her children first ( before him )
You delt with this shit situation with dignity op, you unknowingly showed him the man he is ,
Have a lovely weekend with your children making happy memories your a strong independent mummy who priorities are spot on , enjoy 💐💐

It doesn’t sound like he enjoys being with his own children, the sad reality is that he was unlikely to ever truly enjoy being with yours.

He has only been enjoying one side of you, the part he didn’t have to share. The relationship worked well when the dc were not involved, and he could be the centre of your universe.

Now the dc are part of the picture (and always were) he is far from keen spending yet more time parenting or being with dc generally.

He is an awful father, to cancel on his own young dc like this. There is NO future here, because your children are already paying the price for his selfishness. This would only get worse if things had continued.

He wants you on his own terms.
He wants kid free weekends and his needs met, not happy family weekends.

Strangely, by being so careful with your own dc and keeping them well away for so long, it allowed him to imagine life with you - but only you.

His irritation and ultimately the cancellation could have been avoided if you had disappointed your children, let them down and farmed them out to please him.

But this would have been a temporary reprieve, because the next time he will demand the same. And you would slowly become estranged from your own life and children to suit him.

His tantrums and selfishness show an absence of emotional intelligence, and his silent treatment highlights abusive and manipulative tendencies.

He has not shown an ounce of love or respect for you, choosing to humiliate you outside his work. He does not care about anyone but himself.

No matter how sad you might be op, you have saved yourself the most incredible heartache further down the line. By then you could have lost your house, security and your children’s love and respect.

I am so sorry he has treated you so badly, and continues to do so. You must feel very vulnerable and raw right now but the writing was on the wall in some respects the first time he gave you the silent treatment. He is a really horrible, unkind and unworthy man - you will recover from this in time 💐