Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

As predicted.
A very nasty man who is furious at you dumping him.
Of course it is hard and hurtful, but the more reading you do on narcissists and the mayhem they create, the more I think you will be relieved at what you and your children have been spared.

Their childhood would have been collateral damage with him in it.
Mind yourself.

It is quite sinister.

It is as a minimum really unkind. Imagine having such a loving, intimate relationship and then after having a tantrum, upsetting everyone, you can’t even muster a hello, much less a heart felt, genuine apology when you see them in person!

It’s astonishing. Even to me it’s astonishing that he would choose just ignore you in the street.

It is the cold reaction of a sociopath.

It may simply boil down to the fact he doesn’t feel much love or emotion for anyone, and it’s not personal at all.

That would explain why he is so awful to his own children, and why his marriage failed. You are only just discovering there is a lack of real, deep lasting love now, but maybe it was always there. No one behaves like that with someone they love deeply op. Unless they are high on drugs.

He is a fake. Pure and simple.

Thank goodness you didn’t marry him. This would be your life.

Mel is amazing! Just what you need 🫡

I really feel sorry for his children, I reckon his ex feels unable to pull him up on his behaviour, when he rejects them and cancels plans with DC for any mistake they make, as he would take it out on them.

At the very least you would have expected him to come over and acknowledge your existence. And for all of those saying why is op waiting for a response, I think it’s normal to want some closure, even if you are the one ending the relationship. He is again, withholding the closure with silent treatment.

He is operating a very cold game. There is nothing genuine in his cold response when he saw you. He is bad news.

I have no doubt he was preparing you to be a runner for his needs, someone that drops everything to accommodate him.

Your future role was to take care of his kids number one - that frees him up from the drudgery (he could see what a great mother you was) pleasure him in whatever way he wants, bend to his needs and drop your dc when he needs ‘adult time’. Capitulate to him.

You have failed on the main task - putting him before all else - inc your own dc. So he weaponises your sensitivity to rejection and abandonment (most of us have that to some degree) by reminding you regularly he can cut you off and cut you down in a heartbeat.

You don’t actually know this man in the way you think you do. What kind of person ignores their partner like that? In time you are going to look back on this with relief.

Mel Robbins is great and empowering if you need more material op 💪🏻

Wow, you’ve dodged a bullet there!

Don’t you just think this highlights and confirms exactly who he is?

What kind of man in these circumstances would simply ignore their partner of 16 months after behaving so badly? It’s absolutely disgusting and disrespectful.

I have been livid in your position, but you sound sad op. It would have been much harder for you if he had rushed over though.

Although this must sting and hurt and feel like a rejection, as an outsider all I can think about are your children, and how this development saves them and you from more mistreatment, abuse and disappointment.

The way he used silent treatment was abusive, and should always be a future red line op. You have escaped a manipulator with narcissist traits and saved yourself a world of pain further down the line, with perhaps much more skin in the game, and you had so much to lose op.

Take the hit now when you have the security of your own home, the safety of an independent life and finances and without joint children. You can have a clean break. Lean on your ex, your friends and family - let them help you through this 💐

I used to be in a relationship like this I couldn't see it at the time but did begin to after a while; the amount of red flags. It was a shit show. I can honestly say now a few years down the line, I am wiser and can see what a tosser he was. And that I am much better off without him. It's shaped who I am in a way because now I could spot a red flag a mile away and I would RUN

A very positive post, Tulip. You have dodged a bullet, onwards and upwards for you now.

I'm delighted you had a good weekend with your children. I feel very sorry for his but ..... that is not your problem, the man is now firmly in the past. We live and learn.

Previously I read the OPs updates and now I have read everyone's comments. OMG, a lot of bad advice mixed up in there. People saying it was a good apology????
What line of work is he in that work documents are on an iPad accessible by young children? Something that is either unprofessionally run or it's not plausible.

And people saying take your kids and talk about it later? WTF??? Expose your kids to a temperamental man for a whole weekend? Either it will be a stressful weekend with people on edge, or it might actually be a great weekend and your kids get closer to the man, who is fundamentally still temperamental and they will get let down at a later stage.

This type of stuff damages children. Children are not as resilient as selfish adults like to claim when they are putting their own personal interests first when decision making.

More women need to focus on having a solid network of friends around them rather thank believing Disney tales their life will be sorted when prince charming turns up. Too many prioritise a fantasy over their real live kids.

Good for you. Walk away, head held high. You deserve better than him. You enjoy your summer with your kids.
You have totally dodged a bullet. Please don't be tempted to go back to him if/when he love-bombs you. The only person who matters to him is himself.

Sorry I did realise after I posted! Happy ending I think!

Highly likely.

He's actually a nasty prick who would hurt children.
You are well out of it.

However, his ego will be fuming at you dumping him unceremoniously.

Women unlucky enough to marry narcissistic pricks often do anything to slink, slip away quietly, and are just so happy to finally be rid.

Narcissists are terrifyingly focused on destroying and controlling their victims.

You are so lucky to have finally seen who he really is.

So are your children.

"wouldn't say his lack of response has made me anxious per se, I'm more offended that he hasn't had the decency to part civilly"

You did say, don't contact me again, on your last mssg to him. You can assume he's respecting that and accepts his behaviour was bad (hopefully). It's good you are working through things here so that you don't have a lapse in judgement and reach out to him or anyone connected to him. It's also good to know you aren't a "pissing robot" because it would be a nightmare carrying an oilcan everywhere, wouldn't it? Be grateful for the small things. 😁🩷

I'm very confused about the "lack of response", and "I'm more offended that he hasn't had the decency to part civilly."

You told him "I’m done with this relationship, we are over. You created a toxic atmosphere over nothing. I won’t let my children be hurt or messed around by your need to assert control. Do not contact me again."

If you were wanting a response to the dumping text, you shouldn't have stated the last sentence.

Wish posters would read the OPs updates before commenting. It's getting very 'cancel the cheque'.

I think you’ve handled it brilliantly OP

He’ll be back, but not yet. I’ll willingly go bet money you’ll get a message in a few weeks time. He’ll send you a kiss, or a ‘hi’, just something to hoover you back in

What's helping is reading up on narcissists and telling myself that every move he makes is calculated and designed to evoke certain emotions and reactions in me, so whilst on the surface he looks unbothered he's probably mightily pissed off and suffering from a wounded ego.

Absolutely. He's had the control all through the relationship because you're quite laid back so you've let a lot go. Now you've taken the control for yourself in a very final way and he hates it. He might not want to carry on the relationship but by God it wasn't in his plans that you would be the one to end it. You were supposed to keep bowing and scraping and putting up with his shit. He is now stewing over how he can grab the control back. Make sure he can't.

I wonder if he went with his kids anyway. Probably.