Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

If you and your kids want to go, then go. I probably would. Why cut off your nose etc etc - not much better than him if you decide not to go as a kneejerk reaction. But in the future, after the weekend, tell him that if he ever pulls a stunt like that again without discussing with you first, then you will not forgive and forget.

This

Not all of us can take an immediate measured approach & response when someone has done something that impacts us/our work, potentially in a negative way.

I'd assume now I know more, that he sent that message in the heat of the moment. He's slept on it and is now more rational and has apologised. I wouldn't see this as a deal breaker, but if he had followed through on last nights message then it would be for me

After all the back and forth would you really enjoy going away with him still? This episode must have really shone a new light on him.

If you’ve already made the other plans, I’d let him know you’d be carrying on with the revised plans with you and your DC only, and that you’d catch up with him for a serious conversation when you get back.

if you haven’t already made the other plans you’d be cutting off your nose to spite your face to not go, so I’d probably go along with it due to the short notice for your DC, who will have been looking forward to it. I’d still have the serious conversation with him though.

@Tulipsdaisy no don’t go tell him it’s too late you have cancelled and mads other plans .
Id give him a taste of his own medicine and I’d take the weekend to think about the relationship.
In all honesty I’d end it before he gets in any deeper with your kids . Less chance to let everyone down .

Tell our boys he had to work.

He has apologised and I can see why he would of been annoyed/stressed with his dc deleting the documents. I would go for the weekend and enjoy it but I would be having a serious chat after about how this cannot happen again. He acted very selfishly and did not consider the consequences for you or your children, especially when you say this has happened before. I'd count this as the first red flag and start considering whether there is a future in this relationship.

Your thoughts?

Ok, bye!

As you said there has been other stuff.

Go away just you & the kids so as not to be on edge that the weekend will be ruined & dump him.

I would probably go this weekend to avoid disappointing my children. But once the Monday work deadline is over I would be having a conversation about selfishness and I don't think I'd continue the relationship. Let me down - disappointing and shows I'm not important. Let my children down and that's the end

Omg that's stressful. He has apologised, Personally under these circumstances, I would accept it. Please remember mumsnet are very keen on encouraging people to leave relationships. Reality is, nobody is perfect.

Yeah I think I’d still go but talk about it properly when you’re both calmer and explain to hat it’s not ok. To be fair you’ve expressed this very clearly with your messages, you’re very good at being assertive - if more women could push back on selfish behaviour like you there would be a lot less of them in shitty relationships.

I actually think that as he's apologised and said you should keep the plans as they are, I'd accept the apology and go - it feels a bit petty not to considering the kids are looking forward to it. Less upheaval for the DC and you can still salvage a nice weekend. It sounds to me from that message like he was upset and frustrated last night and lashed out. Not ideal, but none of us are perfect and his message this morning sounds reasonable. I'd definitely make it clear to him that it had made me feel insecure about whether he'd do this kind of thing again in future and that it undermines my trust in him, but I wouldn't end it based on this alone. Hope you have a good time if you do go.

No no no. Do not go ahead with trip, if you do you are signalling it's ok to mess you about. I also think he will be using the work deadline to martyr himself. He needs to understand that due to his message of 9pm you changed your plans. You do not want to be the person who waits on his whims.

Hm that’s a tricky one OP. It’s a decent apology. Only you know how sincere he is and how likely he is to do this kind of thing again.

I’d do the same

If it really isn't possible to go without him, figure out what your dc would like even better, and do that. Don't make them suffer for him being an arse.

Bright and breezy 11 hours later doesn't make up for this.

You've already cancelled your dog sitter, right? And told your children?

Either way, I'd want a weekend away from his fuckwittage to consider the future.

Well he's owned it and apologised at least. There's not much else at this stage he can do.

Ball's in your court.

Clearly hasn't got much respect for his DMs time either, if he's just dumping his DC on her.

Bet my bottom dollar it's not his DF doing the work of looking after 2 small DC.

This is used a lot on MN because it is so true: he is showing you who he is.

And that is someone immature and selfish, who often chooses his own wants and needs at the expense of others, including his own children and the partner he presumably claims to love and her children.

Do you want to be with a man who puts himself ahead of everyone like this? Do you want your children exposed to it? He's role modelling how to be twat.

I keep.seeing Haven adverts for very cheap.breaks

Love your message. Good for you.

Can't help but echo everyone else. What a self-centred and immature man.

I love the message you sent him this morning @Tulipsdaisy I would just block him and walk away. Enjoy your weekend with your lovely children x

This man is just a twat. This is why he is divorced and this is why you should leave him. Don't be a doormat.

I’d literally just block him and never speak to him again for pulling a stunt like that. If he wants to get in touch he can figure a way or write you a letter.

It just shows a complete lack of respect. The least be could have done was offer to reimburse the dog sitter!

Could you look at a haven caravan trip maybe? Or a last minute cheap hotel deal. Even a day out somewhere. Know it’s easier said than done being a lone parent when money is tight.

So sorry OP, what a CF!

This is deeply unfair of him and yes it does sound like he just wants to bin them all off for a child free weekend. You say his kids are younger than yours who are 9 and 11 so they are pretty young, not like teenage attitude and meltdowns. I highly doubt they’ve knowingly done anything worthy of this big strop.
Has he replied to your message yet? Is it possible he might wake up in a better mood?