Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

I would accept it but would want to have a rational conversation about how he handles these things and why it’s an issue. If he has never realised the impact and then has that pointed out to him and makes an effort to change then that’s all good but if he has it pointed out and pushed back or says yes and still is a brat then you know what’s what.

You can’t expect change if he doesn’t know about change is needed (and no that’s not a man thing, it is an anyone who can’t see beyond their own moment thing).

Oh I hate to say this but I too think that's actually a decent apology and if I had a tight deadline on Monday I would be stressed as well. And if his son really deleted work documents that is a pretty big deal (and a good lesson to never let your kids access your work laptop). I don't understand though why he didn't at least explain that to you initially.

I'd still go for the sake of the kids at least but definitely be on the look out for more selfish behaviour and bad communication.

If it was just the two of you going away I’d say don’t go but because it’s your kids too and they are looking forward to it you should go.

But it’s a lesson in not involving your kids in your dating. I know you waited a year to introduce them all but now this has thrown up that you not sure about him. His young dc has some behaviour issues and he’s exploding over it rather than dealing with it. He is potentially not the right man for you.

Dear me, he hasn't forsaken and abandoned his children, he just had an episode of temper and frustration last night when one of them did something that threw a serious spanner in the works for his work. It was a bit knee-jerk of him, but it lasted less than 12 hours, most of them asleep. He slept on it and changed his mind. No, he shouldn't have shared his frustration with you in such a way that it seemed like he was going to cancel the weekend, but really, using words like "inexcusable" seems a little over the top when nothing has actually happened here. He just threw his toys out of the pram temporarily and then realised he was being stupid.

Personally I'd say - too late mate, I made alternative plans (and go and do alternative plans with my kids). If this isn't the first time he's done this I'd also dump his arse. Clearly he gave no thought to you and your kids last night, not the man for me. I say this having gone out with one of these for a while. I did a few things on my own after he let me down last minute or swung about like a pendulum and couldn't decide so I decided for him. In the end I ditched him and now have a lovely guy who'd bend over backwards to do things with me and my DD.... so much happier!

How old is the kid that deleted it? Didn't you say a few years younger than 9?
If so, that's on him as the parent, not the kid's fault.

He only apologised when you were forced to point out the error of his ways. He uses the word ‘apologise’ and makes an excuse blaming the child, but does his message show true regret. Does he take accountability? I think not.
He's trying to back-pedal without addressing the real problem.

I wouldn’t reply, you are too busy making last minute plans for your weekend, - without this unnecessary drama that he had no reason to dump on you and the children at the last minute, including his own.

Go away for your promised weekend with the children (if only for the day)
Let him see you don’t put up with this unreliable, mean-spirited nonsense from anybody.

Anybody who could cast off his children in that way is not a person I would want for myself -and certainly not for my own children. He’s far too risky.

I’d go but definitely have a serious chat about his attitude to stressful situations as he’s done it more than once.

I’d go but definitely have a serious chat about his attitude to stressful situations as he’s done it more than once.

Looks like you’re starting to see why his last relationship didn’t work out.

Tbh it's never going to change.
I'd be saying "no, I have made alternative plans with my DC and I'm not messing them about again"

After the weekend I'd be throwing this one back

"Just go without him!" is like the new "Cancel the cheque!" 😆

OP if you feel like you can go and enjoy the weekend without too much resentment then maybe go as you have the dogsitter booked.
Then make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate such selfishness or him letting your children down again and its over if he does.

If it's too late and you can't face it, then tell him you've already made alternative plans and you are reconsidering the relationship.

You’ll only have yourself to blame for all your kids future misery at the hands of this prick and being let down constantly, if you let this go. I might be tempted to just let them enjoy this weekend if they’re really excited but be prepared to end it on monday. This is just the tip of an iceberg and inexcusable. His poor kids. And he gave no thought to dumping his kids back on his ex wife so SHE doesn’t get her child free weekend.

i also think he was aiming for you to also dump your kids so he could have a child free weekend. Just because they’ve messed with something work related on a tablet doesn’t mean he gets to opt out of being a bloody parent. You or the ex wife would just have to get on with it.

For sex

There's a lot of sense in this.

He lost his temper, made a snap decision and now regrets it.

Go on the holiday, don't disappoint your DC, then when you are home, have a good talk about why he can't do this when you and other DC are involved.

Maybe I’m nitpicking but

1. ‘I apologise’ hmm it’s a bit passive … why not I’m so sorry?
2. it’s the fault of his child behaving badly apparently… no it’s not, his child did something wrong and your partner behaved badly towards you - he needs to show he takes responsibility for that behaviour
3. Is he expecting you to look after all the kids in the evenings so that he can catch up on work? Sounds a bit shit

I think I would have a proper conversation today on the phone so that he has the opportunity to properly apologise and explain why he won’t do anything like that again. Any doubts? Then, keep him away from your kids from now on.

Text him back and say you've made alternative atlrrangements for the weekend & you'll catch up to discuss things after you return.

He doesn't get to decide that it's back on again after he initially cancelled it. By agreeing to his suggestion now, you'll give him the signal that he can do this again & what he says goes.

You go with your kids and he stays behind to parent his own kids and catch up on work. I can guarantee you that he'll want to use you as a babysitter while he works.

Tell him plans have changed enough for this weekend, it has been cancelled, it’s gonna stay cancelled, that you’d prefer someone with a better control of their temper and more considerate of others, and that you will see him next week. And if he whines about his work, tell him to ask for a demotion if he can’t handle the pressure rather than to take it out on his kids or you.

Amber/red flag and he needs to live through the consequences of his actions.

I can understand why he was stressed but why would he ask if you’d go without your DC?

To be fair seeing the reason why he wanted to cancel, is I’m sure the reaction most of us would have had, shame he didn’t go into detail with a phone call. Seeing the apology I would reconsider going, but only if it’s not going to cause a more difficult situation between him and his DS with you 3 stuck in the middle.

"No, thank you, we're not here to be picked up and put down depending on your moods. You do what you like this weekend, I'm taking the boys to <theme park>. Have a lovely weekend, we'll talk when we're back".

Don't let him dictate your life.

Do what you think is best about the relationship overall, but if he's pissed off with his kid and stressed about work, it will not be a good weekend away.

it seems a regular thing that people encourage others to end their relationships over absolutely nothing.
He's explained and I would move on with life and go. We can't all handle things perfectly all the time

It sounds like something that would have gone differently if you lived together, or if one of you had picked up the phone.

That talking it through stage would have happened sooner, and got to sensible solution sooner.

Enjoy the weekend. Take a good book for while he’s working.

I'm astonished that so many would actually end a relationship off the back of this. He threw a strop, sent a message that he clearly didn't mean, apologised for it the next morning and tried to put it right. In the grand scheme of things this is pretty minor. If there have been other red flags then maybe it's worth considering more, but this just sounds like someone being human to me. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't turn my back on an otherwise good relationship as a result. When it came to the crunch I wonder how many people really would.