Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

I’d go as the kids are looking forward to it, but I’d end the relationship afterwards in the next few days. He sounds a bit unstable and reactionary, it’s not a sound platform on which to blend your boys with. I’d not trust him or his true motives if lashing out and upsetting everyone is his go to position.

Wouldn't the kids be more upset if they go & he makes it to be a shit weekend?

Op only you know if that's likely.

Just go anyway without him. Don't upset your dc.

I think its good to base your decision on what you think your kids will prefer, but I wouldn't ask them. They're too young to arbitrate on adult rows.

Nah.

I would end this now. To use the old trope “if someone shows you who they are, believe them”.

He has no care for you and your kids. He could have rang you and explained the situation from the get go but he doesn’t respect you. He is only backtracking now because you have pulled him up on it.

Move on with your life OP, it’s no way to live.

I would accept his apology and still go. What his kid did was pretty bad, I could see why he’d be stressed and furious. You need to have a chat with him though about the impact his actions have on others, and how you and your kids didn’t feel very important to him when he did that.

What do you think your kids would want to do. Ultimately put their needs first.

But, he got mad at his under 6 child for deleting files important stuff from his iPad so ultimately blaming a child. Why did a child have such access to an iPad in the first place.

Also wondering as a pp has, why docs on iPad were not saved to cloud automatically and additionally why does child have access to iPad if dad is using it for work? Sounds like a him problem.

And him saying he'll have to play catchup in the evenings is setting you up for him to escape to some man cave somewhere so he can recreate his docs he should never have lost in the first place. If he intends to work on this holiday, and the kids are too bothersome for him, this isn't going to be enjoyable for anyone.

My ex was an expert at ruining every holiday due to his own tantrums. I'm so glad I never have to deal with that any more.

Honestly, that’s a good apology. I would forgive and not bring it up again.
I don’t believe in holding mistakes over people. He knows what he did was wrong hence the apology so doesn’t need a further ‘chat’ to be told off like a child.

I would get rid of this one as soon as you possibly can. My dad was exactly the same ruined many of Christmas holiday and day out with his tantrums.
It gets very very wearing when the children feel like they’re more adult than the adult

He only got back to you and explained after you messaged him twice. If he’d have sent a profuse apology off his own back, I’d say reconsider. As it is, he’s an inconsiderate, stroppy wanker who expects to be able to mess you and your kids around — you can (and deserve to) do better than this guy, honestly.

I'd accept the apology but I'd still do an alternative weekend with just your DC on the basis you'll end up doing all the childcare while he's working on sorting out the docs before his deadline.

Don’t listen to the bekind, he misbehaved, he needs a time out, you are not available this weekend anymore.
Men get the memo a lot more in real time through actions than by talking about it later (and it takes a lot less emotional energy).
This is a foundational moment for your relationship, he shapes up or ships out, your kids are young, they will forget about the change of plans.
If he gets angry, you ll have proof he is a red flag. If he accepts graciously, you ll have proof he is decent, if not perfect.
That’s why you need to push sometimes, to know what he is really made of.

I think your children should make the decision here, so ask them how they'd feel about not going away and doing the theme park and anything else they want to do with just you or go away with whatshisname and take it from there.

What I would have really liked to have done if children were not involved is reply, "I'm so sorry to hear that, but unfortunately I have now made alternative arrangements."

That's how I perceived it!

I think at this stage you’d be the one cutting your nose off to spite your face if you don’t go. It wasn’t great behaviour but he’s apologised. Just keep your eyes open for any future similar incidents.

You could still take your dc away on your own of course but will it be as much fun for them? What would they rather do?

I feel a lot of this would have gone so much easier if you'd just spoken to each other rather than sending messages

If he'd phoned you last night saying he was really annoyed with his kids you could have sympathised, talked him down and worked out a plan so the weekend could still go ahead (you taking them all somewhere easy like a cinema for a few hours so he can churn out the work)? Same if you'd just rung him rather than texting him back.

And again this morning if he'd called you it would have been much easier for you to work out how genuine he was, if he understood why you were pissed off, he could have apologised properly etc.

Just talk to each other! It's so hard to read tone of voice and meaning over text.

Also he's an absolute muppet if he's brought important work home on a laptop that a) clearly isn't password protected if his child can get on it and b) isn't backed up. If I accidentally deleted something I'd be working on it would either go to the recycling bin or, if cloud stored there would be an earlier version saved automatically every so often.

Go with him amd his kids as planned!

Have a really good chat with him after trip (or during if you need to and get the chance) , explain your perspective and see what he says.

Give it one more go if it's all going well...

Exactly! The kids will have a good time, this is what the whole OP was about in the first place - upset that the kids will be disappointed. Take the win OP, deal with him later.

Seems like a decent acknowledgement of the issue and apology. I would go ahead with the trip and as long as he doesn't cancel on my kids again then would be fine.

I wouldn’t just bow down after that ‘apology’. I’d breezily say that you’ve already made alternative plans with your DC because you can’t risk them being let down again.
You haven’t been with him for that long and this isn’t the first time he’s messed you around. I’d be thinking whether I wanted to keep putting up with his shit.

I was all for LTB until that apology. Damn he does know how to give a decent apology after he has calmed down!

I don't know what I would do, which I know isn't helpful advice. The kid deliberately sabotaging his work is a very naughty thing to do indeed (if that is what actually happened) and I can see why he would want to rescind a nice trip away as punishment - it's just that he still didn't take into account that it was unfair on his other child, you, your children and a bit shitty of him to palm his kids off on his mum at short notice. It's still the latest in a series of times that he's disrespected your plans. It's still a father who only sees his kids 50% of the time who tried to palm them off on his parents instead of parent them himself for the weekend when things got a bit hard. That's parenting, it DOES get a bit hard sometimes.

If you still go away with him, he's clearly going to still be stressed and will be working a lot of the time. I think at best there's still going to be weirdness and an atmosphere if you go.

Whether you go away with him or not this weekend, I would take some time to yourself to reflect on what this man has shown you about himself and if you still want to be in a relationship with this.

Apropros of nothing... isn't it a bit weird to do a significant amount of work-work on an ipad instead of a laptop? and isn't it a bit weird that an ipad didn't automatically back things up to the cloud? (I'm not an apple user so correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this one of the strengths of apple products?!).

He's apologised, I'd go for the sake of your children. Then I'd be rethinking the relationship.

His son did behave badly and not taking him on the trip is not a wholly unreasonable punishment. Ask him if he has recuva on his ipad, he may be able to get files back. https://www.ccleaner.com/recuva?srsltid=AfmBOooazBJx9QnXkNWi4dIwGTi8cy1WexQnxxbQ3hLMrgt1mGcu4Gzq

This is why he’s a boyfriend and not a partner. A partner would have ring you up and said argh you won’t believe what my kid has done. How do we handle this so my kid has a consequence, I can get my work back on track and I don’t let you and your kids down? And you would have talked it through and found a solution.

But he’s a boyfriend who acts unilaterally and made a decision for himself without considering anyone else. And as he’s a boyfriend and not a partner, I’d step right back from involving your kids in anything to do with him and his kids. Keep seeing him for date nights if you want, but he’s shown he’s not ready to consider you all as a unit and that’s not fair to your DC.

Oh that's a tricky one. In this case I would go as it's been promised to the dc, you will probably need to make peace with the fact that it will be you alone parenting all 4 of them this weekend with him cherry picking the bits he wants to join in with. Get through it as others have said but I would be clear that you are there for the kids alone and that you both need to discuss how the future will be.
Also I wouldn't make any plans in future where he holds all the cards